10 l Out in the Mountains |August 2000 = opinion :- Books and Their Covers: Examining the Gay Stereotype BY LARRY RUDIGER Most people acknowledge the negative stereotype of gay men (and, to a lesser degree, lesbians, though l’ll mostly talk about men here). Why is that so bad? Stereotypes are not always bad, nor inaccurate or exagger- ated. At least that’s the case with gender differences, which are, in lay peoples’ descrip- tions, about equal to those made with careful, scientific observations. Alas, there have been fewer investigations of ‘the’ gay stereotype. But lately l’ve found myself somewhat intrigued by some discussions of this topic on the Internet. There are entire Web sites devoted to self-described ‘straight-acting’ gay men and their particular concerns. Part of what l’ve found interesting is a theme of per- ceived oppression: many of these men seem to feel slighted and mistreated by stereotypical gay men. Moreover, many of them emphatically insist their behav- ior is perfectly natural and automatic: they don’t give a bit of thought to it. There’s ofien more than a little pride in their belief that people can’t tell they’re ‘that way,’ though sometimes it’s tempered with a ‘some of my best friends are nelly’ defense, lest they be mis- understood. What, if anything, does psy- chological research have to say aboutthis? I believe it offers ITI some critique to this notion that ‘straight-acting’ gay men are both not acting and they have it so bad. First, let me talk about the stereotype issue. Individuals can hold their own pet notions of what consti- tutes masculine and feminine behavior. But the most straight- forward way to think about this, though, is to instead look at what people do: if more common of women, then it’s feminine; of men, then it’s masculine. There is overlap, and plenty of unusual cases. But there is quite a bit of consistency. As a group, gay men are less mascu- line than straight men——a find- ing so durable and consistent that it incites no controversy among personality researchers. Even among men wanting to become police ofiicers (a very masculine occupation, right?) the differences are quite size- able. It is also generally accepted that gay men’s gender-atypical- ity goes way back: about 80 percent of ‘sissy boys,’ which is to say overtly feminine boys, grow up to be gay or bisexual. And a similar majority of adult gay men recall feeling ‘differ- ent’ from other boys in this regard. But what about all those ‘straight-acting’ gay men: where do they come from? I don’t quite know. In dis- cussing this issue, though, my sense has been of two well- documented trends in how peo-. ple describe their own behav- ior. First, the false uniqueness effect (oh, that research isn’t about me; I’m differentl). Second, the false consensus effect (I’m different — a mas- culine gay man — but there are also lots of men just like me). As is so often the case, I really wonder if people are reliable sources on their own behavior. In discussing this topic, I found some men’s mental gymnastics a little confusing. They would say they wanted a masculine partner (like them- gay men — I have been impressed by some interesting research on newspaper person- al advertisements. In a set of research projects on the topic, a team first compared ads placed by the expected groups: men looking for men, men looking for women, and so on. Unlike women, men frequently speci- fy their desire for gender—typi- cal partners: heterosexuals want feminine women; homo- sexuals want masculine men. A gay man trapped in 0 straight man’s body? The mind reels with the complexities. selves). But they also wanted femi- nine traits (emotional sensitivi- ty, for example, which is con- sistent with research that’s shown most people —- men and women — prefer women as friends). However, it seems that the ideal man was some- how emotionally sensitive in a masculine way —— whatever that might be. Of course women have no exclusive franchise on sensitiv- ity. And feminine behavior doesn’t make a man less human. But I found it odd that admittedly positive traits were preferred, and then labeled ‘masculine.’ A gay man trapped in a straight man’s body? The mind reels with the complexities. As to the second issue — how bad it is for straight-acting Bill Desautels Realtor, CRS Bill Desautels welcomes Sarah Harrington to his team at RI//MPX® North Professionals 553 Roosevelt Highway, Ste. 201, Colchester, Vermont 05446 Bill: 802-655-3333 X17 0 Sarah: 802-655-3333 X30 - Toll Free: 800-639-4520 Each Office is Independently Owned and Operated Sarah Harrington Realtor Interestingly, though, straight men were far less like- ly to describe themselves as masculine: it seems to be a bit of a given (the authors likened it to having two legs: so com- mon as to be taken for grant- ed). Yet if careful researcheis to be trusted, the gay men, far more likely to tout their butch credentials, are as a group, rel- atively unmasculine ~— except perhaps in their own imagina- tions. Or maybe only the butch ones place personal ads. Anecdotally, l’ve.heard it’s a familiar outcome: a self- described man’s man turns out to be, well, a gay man (which hasn’t seemed too surprising to me) and thus not so butch as he thinks he is. Now there are bound to be extremely mascu- line gay men. But given their desirability (as per the person- als) and rarity (according to personality research), I’d expect they are more likely to be interested in each other — and in such demand, well, why would they need to place ads anyway? Researchers have even examined how, when pho- tographs were presented with a self—description that either fea- tured masculine or feminine traits, for most gay men — par- ticularly the ones who thought themselves butch, masculinity correlated with overall attrac- tiveness. This is interesting, given that the same pictures were shown with different sets of descriptions to different men. So if straight-acting gay men are in fact suffering, I’m a bit at a loss to pinpoint the source. By virtue of its scarcity, being masculine seems a high- ly desired trait. And research on gender-typicality shows a correlation with all sorts of undesirable outcomes, at least in part due to the generally dim view of people who fail to toe the gender line. It makes me wonder: what exactly is the source of this dis- content? Then again, in my own ho-hum gayness-—— (Loves opera. Can arrange flowers.) — l’ve also wondered just how straight one can act when hav- ing sex with another man? Now there’s an intriguing research topic. Larry Rudiger has a Ph.D. in psychology and lives in Burlington. V Jacqueline Marino Fl EALTO R Senior Associate I"-. .3 800-488-5609 x237 Toll Free “Out” and Serving Our Community Since 1989 ‘Selling, Buyer Representation and Relocation Specialist iirttti_etiit.§al Realty iiviart 120 Kimball Ave. Suite 110 So. Burlington, VT 05403 802-846-5637 Direct Line jackie@together.net