34 I Out in the Mountains |Ju|y 2000 —— tra vel =- Lovely as it is to be a Vermonter in these optimistic civil union days, one occasionally requires an urban reprieve from our bucolic Green Mountains: someplace with asphalt and trash and people and activities to keep you up way past your bedtime. Burlington doesn’t cut it; New York’s a little too far and a lot too expensive; Boston’s gay pleasures are scattered, and it’s got that puritanical thing going on. Which leaves Montreal as the first and last choice for big-city deca- dence. Though its exotic European aura can make it seem out of reach, Montreal is actually amazingly close, especially for those of us in the northern half of the state. A friend of ours lived in Vermont for years without making a single sojourn. Once he broke the ice, he began going so regularly that he needs his own lane at the border. Speaking of which, you know you’re not in Vermont anymore the moment you cross it: mountains vanish, speed limits soar (oops, those are km/h, not mph), the architecture acquires that certain “je ne sais (quebe)quoi.” By the time you reach the Coke man clutching his wiener, the excite- ment is palpable. “ First order of business upon reaching the metropolis: a quick hotel room makeover (off with the L.L. Bean and Birkenstocks, on with the lipstick and hair gell). But which hotel? Assuming you want to spend most of your time amid les queers, choose one of the options in or near “Le Village,” Montreal’s compact gay neighborhood centered along Ste-Catherine Street from St-Hubert to Papineau. Hotel Gouverneur Place Dupuis, at the western gateway of Le Village, provides bland but plush anonymity and fab city views from its upper-floor rooms. A block down, just off Ste-Catherine, is the less plush but more affordable Le Saint-André. No fab views here, but it’s decent and they usually have vacancies. Montreal's Photo: Ernie McLeod If you’re desiring something more cozy, with the possibility of frolicking with other guests, try a B&B instead. We often stay at La Conciergerie Guest House, a few blocks down St-Hubert from Ste- Catherine. lt’s professionally run by the scantily clad clones Luc and Michael, and the rooms are nice with- out being fussy. Their two golden labs like to be pet- ted, as do occasional guests in the four-personjacuzzi. The conveniently located Le Saint-Christophe is even cozier, a bit too cozy for our tastes, with its no- surface-left-unkitsched decor and the personable but somewhat obtrusive host. Unless you relish overhear- ing the political and sexual proclivities of fellow guests first thing in the a.m., beware of the room adja- cent to the breakfast area. The contortionists-only toi- let is no fun either. The side-lolling tongue of the host’s dog amused us ceaselessly, however. Cay Village by Ernie McLeod with Kevin Moss Canada’s exchange rate is much in our favor, and like well. A comfortable alternative is the nearby Le Chasseur; here, the host has charmingly minimal English, and there’s less worry about destroying a treasure trove of trinkets with an extravagant gesture. Being male, we haven’t experienced firsthand Lindsey’s B&B for Women on Laval, but it looks pleasant in advertisements. The best way to familiarize yourself with Le Village is to slip on your funkiest walkin’ shoes and hit Ste-Cathy’s sidewalks. Start at St-Hubert and gradually work yourself down to Papineau. If you need a jolt to get going, stop in at Presse or another such café for a tiny espresso and gargantuan gateau. You can peruse the gay papers while you cruise the passers-by. If it’s warm and sunny, you’re apt to spend more time cruising than perusing. (We actually read rants in one newspaper bemoaning the lack of good- looking boys in Montreal, prompting a sane person to ask if these observers were on crack). 9 Shopping on a sugar buzz can be dangerous, but the perpetual “Festival du Homard” in the restaurants, there’s always sales on at the clothing and acces- sories-for-home-and-body stores. For gifts you’re unlikely to want to demonstrate at border patrol (except perhaps in sordid fantasies), peek in at Priape after admiring their eye-catching window display; or browse Wega Video for “a ” films to spice up a dull evening back home. To refuel after that gateau has worn off, there are a number of open-to-the- sidewalk (weather permitting) lunch spots from which to choose. Mafiana has reasonable Mexican snacks. The popular Saloon has food perfect for nursing a hangover, while the more « refmed Resto Bisous offers excellent mussels to accompany the human vari- K ety parading past. After a siesta back at the hotel, it’s time for the evening makeover. No easy feat for us, since our restaurant and bar haunts usually suggest quite opposite attires. How often we’ve wound up at Stud bearing no trace of denim or leather! Once — it pains me to recall — I made my entrance in a sweater vest. But back to dinner: Le Village doesn’t have the best restau- rants in the city, but there are a few dependable options. For solid Italian food served beneath flattering lighting by a comely waitstaff (the customers ain’t bad either), try Piccolo Diavolo. Tastefully decorated Bato Thai‘ is where we usually end up for Asian food, though there are a number of inexpensive Vietnamese choices as " Oat & /11 When dinner’s over and you’re hardly ready to call it a night, more decisions are required. Women have it simpler than men because, surprise surprise, men- only outnumber women-only establishments. There are a bunch of mixed bars, however, catering to a vari- ety of tastes. 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