24 I Out in the Mountains [July 2000 -2" health & weIIbeing= FAITH MATTERS by the rev. christine leslie Faith Matters and Civil Jnion Matters When this month’s OITM lands in your hands, a momen- tous change will have occurred in the state of Vermont, the likes of which have not been seen before in this country. It’s almost mind—boggling to real- ize that, as of July 1, Martha and I will be able to go Williston’s Town Clerk’s office, pay $20, and get a doc- ument that, once filed, will make it possible for us to access some of the legal bene- fits, rights, and privileges that only opposite-gender couples have had access to until now. What once was only a dis- tant dream is now a very close reality. When I wrote my July/August 1997 “Faith Matters” column on marriage, I had no idea how the lawsuits filed that summer by Stan, Peter, Holly, Lois, Stacey, and Nina would fare in Vemiont’s court system. I believed then, as I do now, that this was a right and good step for them to take. Apparently, so did Vermont’s Supreme Court Justices, not to mention more than half of Vermont’s legisla- tors. Now, there are many ques- tions to sort through that we have never had to deal with before. For instance, when it comes to making a legal com- mitment to a partner, the ques- tion has shifted from “Would we if we could?” to “Do we or don’t we?” If we do, do we ask a justice of the peace or a member of the clergy to offici- ate at the “certification’.’ of our civil union? What difference does it make to use the services of a justice of the peace rather those of a clergy person, and To learn more about: 0 HIV testing 0 Benelits of knowing your HIV status 0 Treatment, support and counseling options HIV/AIDS PROGRAM nfa (all Vermont AIDS Hotline I -800-882-AIDS vice versa? What do we do if one of us wants a legal cere- mony while the other wants a service that is religious and/or spiritual in nature? What dif- ference would it make, if any, to have a religious and/or spir- itual service in the legalization of our relationship? What if we have never come out to our families and wanting to have a ceremony brings this For couples who ask either Martha or me to officiate at their civil union services, we ask each partner to complete a questionnaire we call a Partnership Awareness Inventory and return them to us. We ask that they do this without any discussion between themselves about the questions or their answers. We go over the couple’s ry process may not be neces- sary. In fact, Martha and I are in this boat. When we celebrate the fifth anniversary of our Service of Commitment this fall, we are planning to have a very simple, civil union service with a few close friends attend- ing. I am looking forward to renewing our vows and having them strengthened legally. This Leaving the status of ’’legal strangers” behind forever involves asking and answering challenging questions. issue into the picture? Leaving the status of “legal strangers” behind forever involves having the courage to ask these and many other chal- lenging questions. Answering them takes considerable love, courage, honesty, humility, and humor. Asking and answering these questions can help a cou- ple to decide whether or not they’re making the right step in the right way at the right time for them. Experience has taught me that helping couples to navi- gate the waters of these impor- tant questions is critical to the process of preparing them for the vow-making process, espe- cially if their relationship is a relatively new one. I don’t know to what degree a justice of the peace works with cou- ples to prepare them for this step. respective answers in three to five counseling sessions, dis- cussing the similarities and dif- ferences in their responses to the questions. Having gone through this process ourselves in preparation for our own Service of Commitment in 1995, we found it very valu- able to have the opportunity to face issues we had not consid- ered, and to discuss things we were both tentative to talk about on our own. It also gave our priest the opportunity to get to know us on more inti- mate terms. This, in turn, made his officiating at our service all the more meaningful and mem- orable for us. For couples who have already had a Service of Commitment and who have been together for a good num- ber of years, let’s say five or more, this extensive preparato- . Practice limited to male clientele THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE William Coil, NCMT 802-658-2390 800-830-5025 Cheryl A. Gibson M.D. Susan F. Smith M.D. ivoiiiziisicnoici GYNECOLOGIC ASSOCIATES 23 Mansfield Avenue Burlington, Vermont 05401 802-863-9001 Fax: 802-862-9637 will in turn strengthen the spir- itual, emotional, mental, and physical bonds between Martha and me. And God knows we need all the strength we can get for our journey in this vitriolic, homophobic world we live in. To have civil unions avail- able to us and have them mat- ter as much as they do, even as limited as they still are, is still cause forjoyous celebration in my book. I will be forever grateful to those who worked to create and pass the civil union legisla- tion. In so doing, they have helped to deepen and strength- en my faith in the vow “to have and to hold, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health; to love, honor, and cherish until death parts us.” This, in turn, has deepened and strengthened my faith in the goodness of our relationships and the goodness of The Sacred One who still calls us to “do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly” all the days of our lives. If these matters don’t matter, then I don’t know what does. Rev. Christine ‘Leslie is founder and director of Triangle Ministries: A Center for LGBT Spiritual Development in Williston.' 860- 7106 or revcsl@aol. com V J. Alison Hilber, B.A., TP 802-658-5313 leelabody@cs.com CELEBRATE VOIJI! 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