TWENTY

by tlinmas lienninn

here is something so excit-
Ting about flirting with

someone, or in my case,
groups of someones. The way
that your eyes meet and lips
respond, either with a smile or a
slight contortion — I absolutely
love it.

If] had my way, I would flirt
and kiss people every day of the
week; oh, yeah, I said “kiss.”
That’s another one of those
things that I find intoxicating. I
love to kiss (and am told I am
quite good at it, but I digress).
There is something so... so...
ummm... about kissing some-
one. I am so free when I am
kissing a person. I can’t say the
same about sex always. Don’t
get me wrong; I enjoy sex, but
not always as much as I enjoy
kissing or flirting with someone.
I wonder why.

I only recently have noticed
how much of a flirt I can be, and
I have to admit that I like it. I like
trying the game of it. The idea
that you could get that check—out

iclerk’s eyes to follow you out the

door or make a person blush
with just a play of words -— it’s
thrilling, no? The nervous feel-
ing, the excitement of the sexual
tension, the agitation when they
don’t flirt back — it is all so much
fun. I don’t know why more peo-
ple don’t do it. Sometimes I flirt
to sharpen my skills, other times
I flirt to see how far the other
person will go.

Kissing is the same way for
me. There are a few people I am
dying to kiss. There is one who
winds me up just seeing him

Czlpslairs

T
A

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20.3

   

  What’s in a Kiss?

smile that flirty smile. It drives
me crazy — shivers crazy; now
pumpkins, that is a skilled flirt.
It is also an amazing ego
booster. Try it sometime.

time to see how people respond
to you — how they look at you,
laugh at your jokes, smile at
your thoughtful comments.
Begin the love affair with your-

Growing up gay, in what I assumed was
an all-straight high school, I never got to
flirt'or explore all those ”butterfly feelings.”

Everyone loves attention,
maybe not as much as myself,
but to some degree. Next time
you’re somewhere where you
feel the urge to flirt, pick out
someone to flirt with, casually
and innocently, and see how he
or she responds. I don’t mean
you should pull a Cherie Tartt
and check to see if their “pro-
duce” is fresh. I’m just talking
subtle plays of the eyes and lips
to see their reaction. Also take

self, that’s what I’m talking
about pumpkins. I mean it. I flirt
with people because it makes
me appreciate myself more.
Now, kissing I have always
enjoyed. There is something
about that exchange of desire
and the sensual nature of the act
I have always been fond of. It
can be so exhilarating. I have
never heard of anyone worrying
about the size of his or her
tongue, in relation to kissing, or

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VALENTINE’S DAY
is Monday, February 14th

Houns FOR VALENTlNE’S WEEK V
MON—FRI: 9:30am-6:00pm ' SAT 8( SUN: 9:30am-3:00pm

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February 2000 Out in the Mountains 15

someone getting too excited. I
kiss those I am attracted to
because it makes me feel some-
thing inside. I want to feel alive
always. Lilacs in bloom make
me feel alive, moonlit nights
make me feel alive, and a man
who knows how to use his
mouth makes me feel all warm
and fiizzy, and that is alive.

All of you who suffer from
Catholic guilt may feel com-
pelled to label this behavior.
Pumpkins, take your best shot. I
don’t apologize for exploring
my sexuality. I don’t apologize
for exploring who I am and try-
ing to understand myself better,
but mostly, I don’t apologize for
not hiding in the shadows, afraid
of what the mediocrity has to
say about my life.

I have many needs, pump-
kins, which I am sure comes as
no surprise to any of you. I firm-
ly believe we all have the need
to be stimulated both mentally
and physically in the primal and
ethereal sense, and no one
should ever have to defend that.
Life is too short to feel guilt for
who we are and how we think.

Now, pumpkins, let me be
clear. I am not saying that I seek
external power through flirting
and the occasional kiss. It is not
validation so much as curiosity.
Growing up gay, in what I

  

assumed was an all-straight high
school, I never got to flirt or
explore all those “butterfly feel-
ings.” I went from feast to
famine in a NASCAR second. I
went from avoiding eye contact
to avoiding waking the trick up
while I sneaked out the door.
My experience is probably
somewhere in the middle of
unique and common in terms of
the gay experience. I guess this
is just my way getting to know
what excites me, what makes
me feel good inside; as Ms.
Ciccone says, “ I’m not sorry,
it’s human nature.”

When Mr. Right come to my
door, I will be ready. I will
answer that door confident of
my needs and my ability to meet
his. I will be content in knowing
that I have no regrets, that my
life has been an amazing experi-
ence leading up to this moment.
I remind myself, daily, how pre-
cious life is and my responsibil-
ity to be alive and present in
each moment. This is just one
way I chose to do it, and
between you and me, I learned a
lot about people, myself, and the
power of both love and lust.

Happy Valentine’s Day,
pumpkins, and if any of you are
wondering, I prefer white roses,
fruit over chocolate, and books
over stuffed animals.V

February is the month for lovers...

Valentines day is for everybody!

 

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(Feb 1st thru the 14th only)

Bring this ad
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The ]eweler’s Bench

260 North Main Street
Barre, VT 05641
802-479-1496
www.jewelers—bench.com

 

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