10 Out in the Mountains by new when tionship with my Jewish heritage. Sometimes it’s harder for me to come out as a Jew than as a lesbian. That’s partly due to my own rejection of patriarchal aspects of Judaism, but often my lesbian feminism is rejected by the straight Jewish community. Because I’ve chosen to live in my beloved Vermont, Jewish culture and customs often go unnoticed, mostly out of igno- rance and lack of curiosity. Anti-Semitism abounds not only on the Right, but on the Left, within the women’s movement (my closest political allies), and within me, which is the hardest to detect. Yet I can’t escape coming to terms with my Jewish identity. It’s written all over my face, leaps out of my last name and was instilled in me while I was growing up. It often feels up to me to find peace and reconciliation within the ranks of my given Jewish community, but at Brandeis University on October 17, I was met more than halfway .by two ordinarily conservative Jewish women’s organizations. Jewish Women International (formerly B’nai Brith) and Hadassah sponsored “Dialogue II for Jewish lesbians, their grandmothers, mothers, sisters, daughters, partners, and friends.” I can’t tell you how I have an ambivalent rela- December 1999 healing it was to my Jewish lesbian soul to attend such an event with my 88-year-old mother, a longtime member of Hadassah. Hadassah was founded 80 years ago by pioneering American Zionist Henrietta Szold. It has over 300,000 members and is the largest women’s or Zionist organiza- tion in the U.S. Focusing on health issues, it supports two hospitals, five schools, outpa- tient clinics, research facilities, and a community health center in Israel. It was behind the largest shipment of relief sup- plies sent to Bosnia by a non- governmental organization, sent a group of physicians to the international team aiding refugees in Rwanda, and helped build, staff, and main- tain health care facilities in Zaire. Jewish Women International is 100 years old and presently focuses on children’s emotion- al health. For 50 years, they’ve sponsored a residential treat- ment center in Jerusalem for children severely scarred by‘ family violence. Of course, by no stretch of the imagination was this partic- ular gathering officially endorsed by the membership at large. It was sponsored by the North Atlantic/Westem New England chapters, and not Jewish Lesbians and Their Moms without their fair share of flak. But picture this. At risk of perpetuating stereotypes (and there's a gram of truth in most of them), here were typical effusive, chicken soup subur- ban moms “qvelling” (Yiddish meaning praising/bragging about) their children, and not for being doctors, lawyers or CPAs, but for being dykes! Two distinct cultures I’ve had to keep at bay flowed into one another, and I was pro- foundly moved. I cried; my mother cried. With a great deal of animation, we linked hearts with others breaking down that deadly combination of homo- phobia and anti-Semitism that can cause intense isolation. Most of the time, I don’t notice the inner defenses I’ve had to develop to protect myself from often subtle and invisible disdain the world has for Jews. (For example, we’re too clannish, our services are conducted in an urmecessarily complicated and exclusive for- eign language, we’re too loud, too rich, too cheap, too pushy... you get the picture.) It’s been a struggle not to internalize these messages, especially when they come from beloved friends, Jews and non-Jews alike. And when I go to family gatherings, I don’t particularly expect my rela- tives to draw me out. (“Nu, Carol? So what’s the latest les- bian book you’ve read?” Never happens.) Consequently, I either volunteer information or draw out family members, since I’m more conversant in their culture than they in mine. Yet here were earnest mid- dle-aged and older women, many with those comforting New York accents, really want- ing to learn more about Jewish lesbianism. They honored our literature, filmmaking, political analyses. They asked us how they could make us feel includ- ed. They told us about brave acts of confronting their hus- bands, congregations, Hadassah chapters as they struggled with accepting their daughters’ choices to be true to themselves. For the first time, my mother was able to tell her favorite story in front of a large group of like-minded crones: several years ago, she was in a restau- rant in her hometown and met an old friend she hadn’t seen in years. “So how’s Carol?” the woman asked. (Naturally. Jewish mothers always ask after the kids.) “Oh, she’s great,” my mother responds. “Very happy. She’s a lesbian.” I have a feeling my mother was as surprised by the look on the woman’s face back then as she was by the explosion of laughter in the room when she retold the story. On some level, Rosie doesn’t get what the fuss is about. I was always puzzled by her rather neutral reaction to my coming out back in the ‘70s, but I thinkl figured it out. Lesbianism was so invisible to her generation that she didn’t grow up with negative stereo- types. It’s almost as if she had to figure out what “lesbian” meant when I told her. Lesbians at the conference were asked, “How can we help you integrate into the Jewish community?” My particular suggestion: go after the rabbis. Challenge them. Urge them to come out in public and support queer issues from the pulpit and in the media. They have a lot of power; hold them accountable. I am delighted to say that Rabbi Joshua Chasen at Ohavi Zedek Synagogue in Burlington does just that, not without uncomfortable conse- quences. He has recognized and warmly welcomed that unique, vibrant lesbian energy into his synagogue; let me tell you, we’re infiltrating the place. One big problem with the gathering. How dare this nur- turing group of committed Jews serve only cold, hard raisin and blueberry bagels for breakfast — with vegetable cream cheese, no less? Phooey! By the way, since this article will appear in the middle of Chanukah, I have a question for you. How many of you know the story of Christmas? Raise your hands. Now how many of you know the story of Chanukah? No further ques- tions.V Call 800-882-AIDS 4:) I-law‘, * I -1 —,+.\IilI@ a tarulgf u1‘1'~'iqu:.’.‘e," gift she} f::fc:‘ataurir‘1"g Vermtnt artisan hafidicrafts Iboxicd Holiday Cards - cool xjttrnamarnts {treat Sboclgjfig stufiarrs Fltaubiful Marftorahc ° Drfidfls Hafiulgjgah Sftlfcs Taft ("/r1‘t=.e'rs Shoffifig C’».e‘r‘tt.:e‘r, Willistort ' 872.8891 Extensive Selection (/3 . _ r W Over 200,000 book, music and video titles H _ Over 2,000 periodic-Iols - E \/Rfirs I I Most Extensive Music selection in.Burlington! Q g V I * 30% discount on current New York Times bestsellers ‘,3 _¥ sat 90l“‘lll““ l0% discount on most other hardcovers T00 la/amp - - 4 B PCRFccrl M0“ %m_t,,,,“ . 4 q _ — Visit 0 § 207 FLYNN Avis. Suntlflt Over 500 listening stations to preview CD5 WWw.borders.rom B 4 BURLINGTON’ VT - A G’ ‘ 5 BY THE TRACKS BORDERS -“rs . E Q ‘F’ 802-560-1486 B Q O K S . M Us [ C . C A F E (Open Fridays till 9pm Thanksgiving to Chrietmae) 29 CHURCH sr ° CHURCH STREET MARKETPLACE ° 802-865-271 I l Hours: TuE5—5Ar 10-6, 5UN 1-5, CLOSED Monomr THAT BOOK stone... and THAT ANTIQUE CENTER Used and Antiquarian Books, Antiques and Collectibles Multi-Dealer Shop Used and Out-of-Print Books, VT and NH Books, .Post Cards, Paper Ephemera, Glass, Linens, Vintage Clothing, Coins, Primitives, Pottery and more... Something for Everyone! Usua||y...Mon-Sat 10:00-8:00, Sun 11:00-8:00 Railroad Street, St. Johnsbury, VT 05819 802.748.1722 - email: tbs@plaim‘ield.bypass.com http://www.a||routes.to/thatbookstore