,.~

zo — OUT IN THE MOUNTAINS — SEPTEMBER 1999

FAITH

® rairn Matters 2. Iarieuing Matters

MATTERS

 

BY THE REV.
CHRISTINE S. LESLIE

learned of the disappearance
I of John Kennedy’s plane this

summer while sitting outside
Greenleaf Hut in the White
Mountains of New Hampshire. It
was just before dinner when
another hiker mentioned that he
had heard this news and won-
dered if any of the rest of us had
heard anything. I shook my head

“no” and wondered if we were
facing yet another tragic
Kennedy death.

As the events of that next
week unfolded, my musings on
the hut stoop were confirmed.
The discovery of the plane
wreckage told the world the sad
truth: all three passengers were
killed instantly when the plane
crashed into the sea.

Given the fact that there are
tragic, untimely deaths every-
where every day, I found the
extensive media coverage of
Kennedy’s death — and the mag-
nitude of grief so many seemed to

feel — intriguing and revealing.
What I found intriguing was the
drive for details that the media
seemed to need to pursue. What I

found revealing was just how-

many people seemed to have had
a genuine affection for John
Kennedy, Jr. Their grief was real,
as was their affection, even
though most had never met him
in person. They also displayed
heartfelt sadness and empathy for
the Bissett family, people they
‘knew’ only through John
Kennedy, Jr.

I reached coverage overload
towards the end of the first week.

However, if anything good
can come from something so
tragic, it is this: when we give
ourselves pennission to cover the
deaths of famous people in detail,
and to talk about our feelings on
camera to milliOns.we don’t
know, it helps us grieve the
painful losses in our own lives.
The truth be known, most of the
people grieving John Kennedy
Jr.’s death were really grieving
their own losses, while also
preparing for those they will have

in the future. Yes, the news media
actually did us a favor, because
grieving not only matters, as
more of us are learning, it is
essential to our health and well-
being.

This is why the extensive
media coverage of these sad turn
of events, including the expres-
sions of sorrow, are heartening to
me. Both tell me that grieving no
longer seems to be a taboo sub-
ject, a sign of weakness, or
something to be buried with the
bodies of those we have lost. For
instance, had it not been for the
news media’s extensive coverage
of John Kennedy’s death neither '1
nor millions of other viewers
would have heard a grief thera-
pist explain that, “Grieving is the
price we pay for caring.
Emotional bonds were designed
to be hard to dissolve and griev-
ing is how we dissolve them.”
Because of this kind of coverage,
grieving has become easier and
easier to talk about — but sadly
still remains very difficult to do.

As a pastoral counselor, much
of what I help people do is

Lobel Resigns from MMOW Board

continued from page eleven

the naming of the March, and the
broadening of the planning effort
to allow more people a seat at the
table. I helped lead the successful
effort to ensure that‘ funds raised
by the March would go to
statewide organizations, people
of color organizations and other
constituents underrepresented in
our movement. However, the
Board has largely ignored the
fundamental issues that lead me
into become involved: why we
should march, the agenda, and
the involvement of the entire
GLBT community. I cannot serve
On a Board that will not open
itself to greater input and scrutiny
from the communities we claim
to represent.

The second reason for my res-
ignation is that I continue to
doubt the value of this March at
this time. I honor the value of our
previous national Marches and
acknowledge them as having
been political turning points in
the lives of many current leaders
and activists. However, the effec-
tiveness of such an enormous
commitment of time and
resources at a moment when
more and more energy is
demanded of the GLBT move-
ment at the state and local level is
questionable. Nothing so dramat-
ically reinforced this as the suc-
cess Of Equality Begins at Home.

Held one month ago and spon-
sored by the Federation of LGBT
Statewide Political Organizations
and the Task Force, EBAH was
supported by national and local
groups, including the March
Board. It demonstrated the
incredible power of investing in
state and local movement build-
ing. It also exemplified the real

possibilities for political
advancement of GLBT equality
in every state. More favorable
bills were introduced in state leg-
islatures, more allies were
reached and involved, more
media coverage was generated in
every state on GLBT issues than
had ever been achieved at the
state level. Because of its over-
whelming success, the campaign
is likely to be repeated in years to
come, perhaps even annually.

The National Gay and Lesbian
Task Force has committed the
vast majority of its resources to
deepening and growing political
power in every state. The time I
have spent on the March Board
has taken away from my impor-
tant work at the state and local
level. I need to concentrate my
energies on NGLTF’s efforts to
build this state-by-state move-
ment and on advocating for our
grassroots constituents at the
national level. This is the heart
and soul of our work and it
requires us to have the courage of
our convictions. ,

Finally as a Board member, I
have had personal financial
responsibility and liability for the
non-profit corporation producing
the March . I am concemed that
the March is not moving forward
in a strategic manner. I am also
concerned that neither the Board
members nor our GLBT commu-
nity have full access to infonna-
tion about March management
and finances. I can no longer
accept the personal risk my par-
ticipation on the Board requires. I
hope that my colleagues, many of
whom are working very hard and
responsibly, will push for nfor-
mation and accountability in the

_ planning process.

In closing, I want to assure
you that the Task Force will be
visible at the Millennium March
on Washington to encourage gay,
lesbian, bisexual, and transgen-
dered people from around the
country to continue their work
through state and local organiz-
ing. They will come to
Washington to experience the
power of gathering in their
natiOn’s capital, to feel strength
in numbers, and to create a show
Of force for the GLBT communi-
ty. We will be persistent in our
efforts to ensure that the energy
and momentum of the March car-
ries to local communities. The
financial commitments made by
the March Board to organizations
dedicated to statewide organizing
and people of color organizing

_ could be the finest legacy the

March will leave to our move-
ment. -

If significant changes are
made inthe March planning and
organizing, the National Gay and

Lesbian Task Force will gladly .

consider rejoining the planning
efforts for the Millennium March
on Washington. In the meantime,
we will advocate for the inclu-

‘sion Of our entire community in

the March process and for the
linking Of our agenda to those of
other movements for social jus-
tice. We hope these issues will be
reflected in‘ the March planning
and agenda.

Sincerely,

Kerry Lobel,

Executive Director,
National Gay and Lesbian
Task Force

grieve. This means I'help them
gently dissolve emotional bonds
to partners who have divorced
them, parents who have hurt
them,—and people who have died.

Many have found it helpful to

hear that the pain they are feeling
is simply the mirror image of the
love they once felt. This also
seems to help them ease the anger
they often feel towards ‘them-
selves for having allowed them-
selves to care in the first place. It
also helps people to find meaning
when they can’t make sense out
of their losses.

It usually takes a minimum of
18 months to five years to adjust
to a significant loss, and that’s if
there are no other significant
losses during that period. The
operative word in this last sen-
tence is “adjust.” What often
makes grieving so difficult is the
belief that we are to “get over”
significant losses and just get on
with our lives. The bottom line is
this: we never get over losing
people for whomwe cared. Like
the loss of a limb, we can only
adjust over time to the physical
absence of those we have lost.

This is what healthy grieving
is all about. Grieving takes time,
needs plenty of support, asks for
many tears, and requires patience
and honesty. It is a process than
cannot be rushed — nor would

“Grieving is the price we pay for
caring. Emotional bonds were
designed to be hard to dissolve and
grieving is how we dissolve them. ”

we want to rush it because, as
Marlo Morgan states in Mutant
Message from Forever, “Grief is
a form of sadness that is actually
a loving bond.”

Having a faith that matters
helps us to grieve in the ways that
matter. For instance, believing
that we are spiritual beings hav-
ing a human experience who
return to our spiritual origins
upon our death is very comfort-
ing to me. Just thinking about the
fact that I will see my friend
Margaret again comforts me and
allows me let her go for now,
allows me to dissolve the earthly
emotional bond between us in
exchange for a heavenly eternal
one that will never need dissolv-
ing. Also, believing that God
offers minimum protection and
maximum support for our jour-
neys here helps to explain why

».sm.~.-lIw.«.-.-.av-.»a~.-no.ec.a.u.-

FAITH, P20
MAGGIE FRAMPTON MSW ACSW

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