14. —'OUT IN THE MOUNTAINS — SEPTEMBER 1999 CROW’S CAWS BY CROW COHEN patriarchy. I hate war, capi- HN t’s not men I hate, it’s the incest, and talism, rape, multinational corporations that. fuck up our earth and economy. I hate hierarchy, religious funda- mentalism, and the courts that punish minorities more harshly than whites. All of these evils are concepts and institutions invent- ed and upheld by men. It’s not men I hate. It’s the patriarchy.” This is not a direct quote, but the gist of arguments I often hear in radical lesbian feminist gather- ings (which, by the way, are few and far between these days). It’s probably inevitable we’ve toned down from our man-hating days that helped launch the women’s revolution in the early ‘70s. Quite a few of us are having boy babies ' (or boy grandchildren, in my case), and many of us were dam- aged back then by the harsh judgements of sisters who urged us to withdraw energy from the patriarchy by giving up our sons. I know a few walking wounded dykes or ex-dykes still reeling 20 years later from pressure to choose between motherhood (particularly of sons) and smash- ing patriarchy to, presumably, make our world a better place. Yet it’s not only mothers who are re-thinking man-hating. It’s dykes gone bi, dykes gone trans, dykes gone careerists as they head toward retirement, dykes gone spiritual, who embrace that universal harmony concept that urges us to believe we are all one with the earth or else we’re doomed — this means you, no matter what gender you’re mess- ing around with. OK, so I’m not bi or trans, and I’m not a careerist (although I now have two straight jobs), but my spiritual practice includes men and plenty of them, so I don’t consider myself a man- hater either. It would be easy to just say I hate the patriarchy and let that define just whose side I’m on in the war against women. But late- ly I’ve come to realize that phrase doesn’t work for me after all, mainly because I AM THE PATRIARCHY! Therefore, if I hated the patriarchy, I’d be hating myself — and that is not the firrnest foundation for personal growth, let alone sweeping glob- al change. Besides, any move- ment fueled by hatred is bound to fail, as far as I’m concerned, sim- ply because the rate of burnout will lead to self-immolation. So when am ‘I patriarchal? .Whenever I think things will make me happy; whenever I find ’myself sex-obsessed; whenever I’d rather work all the time than play or eat; whenever I cling to a relationship like a life-raft; when- ever I give into cravings for food, drugs, alcohol; when I find myself going for immediate grat- ification more often than not; when I speed through the day like a house afrre; when I watch a lot of TV; when I eat junk food; when I steal, lie, or power—trip; when I hoard money and refuse to share my wealth; when I scream at kids or beat up on peo- ple; when I trample the earth with my vehicles or excessive con- sumption of natural resouces. The fact of the matter is, I’m as addicted to patriarchy as the rest of you. Having grown up in this culture, and continuing to live in America, I am permeated with patriarchy. Even though some of us may be more con- scious of walking softly than oth- I become increasingly adept at side- stepping bullshit, at learning how to call it as I see it without shoving it down people’s throats, and most of all at confronting the patriarchy within me so I can become more account- able for my actions. ‘ ers, no one’s perfect and no one’s exempt. ' So what’s a revolutionary to do, forced to admit that shedding bad habits requires rigorous self- examination coupled with com- passion? Does that mean I can no longer afford to hate violence and those who ‘perpetrate it? Are my finger-pointing days over? (Damn! Those days were fun!) What’s probably required is that I become increasingly adept at sidestepping bullshit, at leam- ing how to call it as I see it with- out shoving it down people’s throats, and, most of all, at con- fronting the patriarchy within me so I can become more account- able for my actions. How will these acts of self- discipline prevent me from that old woman-hating pitfall of blaming myself for the mess men have created? How will this stance keep me from being con- sumed with guilt? How will I be able to step out of the role of self- A sacrificing female if I don’t pur- sue the enemy with rigor to keep from turning that hatred inward and become depressed? The only antidote I know of to keep from the depths of despair when we examine the enemy within is learning to rely on strong, loving, tolerant, ethical communities. If our communities A Message from the Ad Hoc Committee continued from page ten because the process was fair and inclusive. People from all over the country were motivated to commit their time, energy, and resources to build the marches because they realized that they were both heard and represented. And finally, when the big day I arrived, we reveled in and were empowered by our accomplish- ment. The marches on Washington strengthened our movement largely because they ' were democratically run grass- roots efforts on a massive scale. They have become an essential part of our proud history and a model to other movements for social change. OUR MOVEMENT’S FUTURE IS AT STAKE Now, as a fourth march on Washington is being proposed, we must summon the legacy of the previous three for the process by which this discussion pro- ceeds will define not only the nature of any event that may fol- low, but more importantly, that of the lesbian/gay/bisexual/trans- gender movement itself. Therefore, we, the Ad Hoc Committee for an Open Process, propose: that a call be issued for an organizing and strategy confer- ence to include discussion and a decision on the proposed march on Washington and other propos- als brought forth, with nothing about the proposed march on F 162 south main street rutlond. Vermont 05701 (802) 775-291 I K Quite Simply... The finest collection of Furniture, Carpeting 8: Accessories in Vermont Rutland House Ltd. from all over Vermont: (800) 649-2911 \ rtes 1 1/30 ¥ in the heart of monchester center, Vermont , (802) 362-2001 Washington presented as a fait accompli; that all lesbian/gay/ bisexual/transgender organiza- tions be invited to send two vot- ing representatives to the meet- ing; that attendance and partici- pation (other than voting) be open to all. LET THE COMMUNITY DECIDE . We are calling for an open process to engage our movement in a serious, national discussion on whether or not we want to go to Washington, what’s the pur- pose, when do we want to go, what would we be calling for, and how do we insure the maximum, most diverse participation in any planning process. V Thoughts on Man-Ilating are faltering, then chances are there’s a missing ingredient. Is it tolerance we lack, a scarcity of patience for those still stumbling awkwardly on our paths towards freedom? 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