18 — out IN THE MOUNTAINS — JULY 199o

Queer Wars
continued from page seven

of the Third Reich.

And conversely, the Old
Republic needs to be portrayed,
for all its ineffectiveness, as a tol-
erant and generally well inten-
tioned govemment. After all, the
Weimar Republic was such an
entity, from what I’ve read about
it, with considerable freedom of
expression and a bustling gay
nightlife in Berlin. You need to
send the message that some gov-
ernmental ineffectiveness is an
unavoidable byproduct of democ-
racy, and a small price to pay for
freedom and equality. The Old
Republic, and the Jedi Order, both

need to be painted as organiza-
tions that encouraged tolerance
and diversity. .

And that is why, George, we
must have Queer Jedi.

I know, I know, you’re already
worried about your sponsors
pulling out.

Plus, these are, after all, chil-
dren’s movies, and pulling off the
conception of Luke and Leia is
going to be pushing the envelope
as it is. But I think you can pull
this off as well. Here’s how.

First, the woman character I’m
thinking of doesn’t have to mani-
fest an obvious sexual interest in

women — I just want to see one
strong female who is not com-
pletely obsessed with or depen-
dent upon men. And I’m not talk-
ing about some Yoda clone with a
fake-looking wig sitting on her ass
in the Jedi _Council chambers,
either. I’m talking about a shit-
kicking, ball-busting, saber-
swinging Jedi Bitch from Hell.
And we only need her on the
screen for about 10 minutes.
Picture this: Obi-Wan sets up a
sparring match between this
woman (let’s call her “Lesbi-
Wan”) and his protege, Anakin.
Anakin makes some sexist com-

Flanagan
continued from front page

eamed tax dollars and champions
their common-sense progressive
values.”

As a senator, Flanagan plans to
continue to advocate health care
refonn and retirement security. He
is strongly committed to strength-
ening Social Security, Medicare,
and Medicaid for the growing
number of America’s senior citi-
zens; boosting the minimum wage
to keep pace with the increasing
cost of living; toughening enforce-
ment of laws to guarantee equal
pay for.equal work; passing the
Employment Non-Discrimination
Act to protect Americans from job
discrimination based on sexual ori-
entation; and ensuring implementa-
tion of sound, strong public health
policies to combat the AIDS epi-
demic and meet women’s health
needs.

“On a wide range of issues, I am

committed to championing the val-
ues we Vermonters hold dear —
while holding our government to
the highest standards of fiscal and
ethical accountability,” added
Flanagan. “This is what I have
done in Vermont, and this is what I
will do for Vermonters in
Washington. I am grateful for the
Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund’s
endorsement, and I intend to make
my candidacy worthy of the trust
and early confidence that the
Victory Fund and its civic-minded
supporters have placed in me.”
“The time has finally come for
at least one of the 100 seats in the
US Senate to be held by an out-
standing openly gay or lesbian
public servant,” added Bond. “Ed
Flanagan’s election would not only
be important for the hard-working
families of Vennont; it would also
be a great leap forward for all

Americans, gay and straight alike.”

“The Victory Fund is here to let
our community know when there
are viable gay and lesbian candi-
dates out there that need early
financial and volunteer support to
help meet the special challenges
they ofien face,” noted Bond. “Our
community can help Ed Flanagan
make history — but we must start
helping now. As an incumbent, Jim
Jeffords has had the luxury of rais-
ing money for the past four and a
half years. It’s now up to us to help
level the playing field.”

In addition to the Victory
Fund’s support, Flanagan has
already earned the strong backing
of U.S. Rep. Barney Frank (D-
Mass), Vermont state House
Speaker Michael Obuchowski, and
many other Vermont legislative
leaders. V

mentor is otherwise acting gener-
ally cocky, so Lesbi-Wan spends
the next 10 minutes parrying his
thrusts and generally kicking his
adolescent ass.

Lucy Lawless would be the
most obvious casting choice for
such a role, but there are certainly
a number of other possibilities.
I’m thinking Linda Hamilton,
Sigoumey Weaver, that hot babe
from The Matrix (you
know...“Trinity?”)...or better yet,
Michelle Yeoh, the kung fu master
from that James Bond flick (ooh, a
real live Asian person in a Star
Wars movie — what a concept).

Now, the Queer Jedi boys I’m
thinking of probably need to be a
little more overt, because your gay
male Jedis are not going to stereo-
typically run around arranging flo-
ral patterns and telling Queen
Amidala that she looks fabulous. I
want big, buff, manly men whose
warrior companions just happen
to be their lovers — something in

. the ancient Greek or Babylonian

traditions. And all we need is a
fleeting glimpse of these guys —
nothing sexual, no spoken lines,
just a brief shot of an arm around
a waist or shoulder, or a loving pat
on the face. Just enough to tell the
audience that Don-Wan loves
Steve-Gon Jinn, and hey, that’s
just fine with the Jedi Council as
long as they do their jobs.
Transgenderism raises such a
plethora of possibilities that I’m
surprised you haven’t already
thought of it. In your never-ending
quest to create new, eye-popping
life forms, why have you never
thought of creating a being who
can change hir gender at will?
Think of it: a whole planet, an
entire race of people who have no
prescribed gender roles whatsoev-

er, who live and love however
they like and act either masculine
or feminine according to their
whims? How cool would that be?

Is this too much to ask of you,
George? Am I unfair to import
‘90s concepts of political correct-
ness and impose them on a culture
that, after all, existed a long time
ago, in a galaxy far, far away? I
don’t think so. The bottom line for
me is, if the Old Republic and the
Jedi DON’T stand for tolerance
and diversity, I just don’t under-
stand what makes them so much
better than the Sith Lords and the
Empire. If the Jedi are only a
bunch of testosterone-charged
white males doing their “guy
thing,” what is really the big dif-
ference between the Light Side
and the Dark Side? And if the Old
Republic was just as oppressive
and dismissive of women and
minorities as anything Palpatine
can dish out, then let it get
destroyed by the Empire. I give a
shit.

I know you’ll probably never
read this, George, and since we
Queers are such a small minority,
I doubt you’ll ever see a need to
make us feel more included in
your galactic dynasty. But maybe
one day you’ll realize that toler-
ance of Queers is about more than
gay rights, or God forbid, the gay
“agenda.” Teaching children toler-
ance of people different from
themselves would be a worth-
while goal ‘easily accomplished
through these movies, through the
teachings of the Jedi -— and it is a
goal I think you would find more
satisfying, in the long run, than the
goal of lining your own coffers
with cash. I can’t expect that you
will one day see things my way,
but I can always hope. V

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