PROGENY  

continued from page twelve

went on to spend the rest of the
interview talking about our
fathers. It was probably not the
best protocol, but for inexplica-
ble reasons, we both felt that it
was perfectly appropriate.
(Interestingly enough, Tracy was

* one of the first people who I

came out to, not as a fatherless
son, but as a gay man.)

For one reason or another, I
have had more success with con-
necting with women who have
lost a parent rath_er than men.
Even the bookstore has a wider
selection of books on the topic
for women than for men. One of
my favorite books, in fact, is
Motherless Daughters by Hope
Edelman. It is a courageous book
that examines the life-long
impact of a mother’s death on her

daughters. » I can
remember reading the review in
the New York Times Book Review
and thinking, “I wonder if there is
a similar book for men?” Five
years later, no book has been
published. So I have decided to
attempt to write this book myself.
I’m mainly writing it for self-
ish reasons. I want to learn from
older men who also experienced
the death of their father at a
young age. That way, when I turn
40, buy my first house, or go to
my child’s first day of school, I’ll
know what impact not having a
father may have on my psyche.
But I’m also writing it for peo-
ple like you, who have obviously
cared enough to read this far into
the column. I have no training as
a psychologist or sociologist, but

distinctly '

I do know what I feel. I also
know that there isn’t much out
there to help men and those who
.love them to learn more about
our own grief from each other.
Maybe it’s because men tend to
be less willing to share or
because men tend to grieve dif-
ferently than women.

All I know is that each time I
meet an individual who has lost a
parent, I feel a sense of relief
knowing that I am not alone.
Let’s come out together. V

This is Kevin McAteer’s first
piece of writing for OITM. He is
in the very early stages of
research for his book and we]-
comes comments about this col-
umn and topic,‘ contact him at
mcateer@middlebury. edu

not change people’s minds” is
disputable, the remainder of the
piece is food for thought. Ford
asks us to consider that we are
“so starved for positive represen-
tation in the dominant culture
that we run the risk of mistaking
consumerist assimilation for
respect, advertising imagery for
rights.” A progressive corpora-
tion, Ford suggests, would not
merely produceads for a gay
market, but would fund grass-
roots legislative drives, gays-in-
the-workplace seminars, and
treatment for substance abuse in

the gay and lesbian community.
Please thank Subaru for an ad
campaign that acknowledges les-
bian and gay automobile enthusi-
asts, in all their diversity and the
mass transit systems of
Washington, DC and San
Francisco who have run these ads.
Please write to the Los
Angeles Times to thank them for
an education in advertising to the
“gay market,” and to the San
Francisco Examiner for ‘a ‘cau-
tionary discussion on not confus-
ing visibility for authenticity.
Contact: Advertising, Subaru
of America, 609.488.8500, e-

mail: www.subaru.com/feeback
/index.htmI
For mass transit advertising,
both San Francisco BART and
Washington, DC. Metro: Dan
Langdon, Transportation
Displays Incorporated (TDI),
202.775.9115 9
John Lindsay,_ Managing
Editor, LosAngeles Times, Times
Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA
90053, fax: 213.237.4712
Sharon , Rosenhause,
Managing" Editor, News,‘ San
Francisco Examiner, P.O. Box
7260, San Francisco, CA 94120,
fax: 415.512.1264 V

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