\\ 22 — OUT IN THE MOUNTAINS —.APRIL 1999,. Taking off the Gloves BY PAUL HARRIS he recent publicity sur- I rounding ‘barebacking,’ the act of having unpro- tected anal sex, has demonized those who take part. Some sug- gest they are filled with self-hatred, morons, extremely stupid, or even suicidal; Yet, whether one agrees with the practice or not, it is plainly going on, even though as a community we aren’t terribly keen on discussing it. ard, a 40-year-old man who works as an accountant, on this sub- ject. We met at his home. He is 5 feet 9 inches in height, has brown hair, is fairly toned without being a gym bunny, attractive, intelligent, and has a great sense of humor. He was been diagnosed HlV+ a little over ll years ago, and since then he has had no ill- nesses whatsoever. How did you contract the virus? The honest answer is that I have no idea. All I know is that I I interviewed Rich- 3' tested. in I987‘ for the fii'st and only time and I came up posi- tive. Ihad been practicing safe sex before then, so I must pre- sume I contracted it sometime in the early 1980s. Richard, as "someone who is HlV+, why have you recently decided to start barebacking? I followed the safe sex guide- lines religiously for over a decade. I never had penetrative sex with another person without either him or myself wearing a condom. In addition, I always disclosed my HIV status to potential sexual partners. What happened was this: more often than not, even if I was going to be the ‘bottom’ or we were using condoms, the other guy would make his excus- es and basically run away. I ended up feeling like a leper. I hated it. I was being penalized for being honest. Sometimes I had sex, always safe sex, with another person without telling him my status, but that made me feel guilty. As a result, I rarely ever saw anyone twice; I couldn’t face the moment when I would have to tell them my status. I started to become more and more isolated in every sense of the word — physically, spiritual- ly, emotionally. Occasionally I would go off to bathhouses, nor- mally in other cities when I was traveling. Again, while I ‘got off,’ I found the experience unfulfill- ing. ‘ Then, recently, an HIV+ friend invited me to a sex party specifically for people who were HlV+. I umm-ed and ahh-ed about going, but finally I went. You had the choice of using con- doms, or not using condoms. There was no sense of judgment one way or the other. I decided for thefirst time in well over ten years to have unsafe sex. It was a considered decision. I was not ‘high’ on drugs or drunk. I simply wanted to have good, old—fashioned sex again. I was both the active and the passive partner in sex that night. I have to tell you that it felt won- derful. I felt more like a human being than I had in over a decade. Suddenly, I felt desir- able and attractive again. I felt sexy. I felt wanted. The following morning, when I woke up in my own bed at home, I felt like a new man. I went to work that morning feel- ing like a 20-year-old again. I felt human. I had almost forgot- ten what it was like. Would you do it again? Yes, and I have. Would you ever consider having unsafe sex with some- one negative? Certainly not. The last eleven or twelve years have been very difficult for me — I wouldn’t want to inflict that upon anyone. I do not understand the psychol- ogy of people who can do that to another person. They must be real sickos. Do you not stand the risk of re-infection, and also of possi- bly making yourself very ill by having unsafe sex? Sure. I’ve thought about that. But what is the point of being a human being if you don’t feel like one? What is the point of living on this planet, whether it is for 45 or 90 years, if you can- not feel a sense of really deep intimate connection with another human being? Have you discussed it with your doctor? ‘ No — I think he would go ballistic! What about your friends, the ones who know that you are HIV+? They wouldn’t understand it either. I think they would be hor- . rified. They have no idea what it has been like to live the life I have for the past twelve years. My boyfriend died a few years ago. Another close friend died last year. I have been made to feel like a leper by most of the gay com- munity. Look at any of the per- sonal ads — ‘Healthy,’ ‘You Be Too,’ ‘Disease Free.’ It is unmis- takable what it means. It means that they are not interested in dating someone HIV+ no matter INTEIHIIEW WITH A BMIEBIIBIIEII _how fit and well he is, no matter how nice and decent a guy he is, no matter what his sense of val- ues are. I am instantly summed up and judged for having this virus by people who haven’t even met me. Have you" any idea what that is like? It is continu- ous. You wind up being made to feel like the lowest of the low. I have been made to feel like a non-person. How do you feel about HIV+ people who have unprotected sex with others without telling them their status? In a word, criminal. I think they are behaving criminally. There is no other word for it. It is like firing offa gun in a super- market. You might hit someone, you might not. But either way, you have no right to play with other people’s lives like that. What do you say to the argu- ment that it is everyone’s responsibility to protect their own bodies? That is all right in principle, but no one can make an informed decision about consen- sual sex without access to ALL the relevant information. Someone’s HIV status, is rele- vant information. I have no sym- pathy or compassion for gay men who can treafother people’s lives so cavalierly. I also cannot understand fellow gays and les- bians who can even begin to defend these people.V 'rI-|iNK PINK The Pink Pages. Thousands of listings at gay/lesbian businesses and organizations and businesses that welcome you. I .'I'he complete Pink Pages is on the web @ I. !I|(|I (Ew thecom It's about men Its about hair Its about time haircuts 9 beardstyling 0 shaves 0 body hair removal hair texturizing O gray management 9 coloring I50 B Church Street -- Burlington -- 8642088 -— Across from City Hall AFULLSERVICE sA1oN- /