_¢:.——.-—q---—-—--—--—-—----~-—-----——-——--———--—..——..—....._._.—..__..-.--.———.-————.——...———.._..~_..-—.——---—.——.—.._....._._—.._.._._........_............._.*..ji A&Ejune98 OTTTTI ONE CoMPosER's STORY - PART I Musician Reflects on Music, Life, and Society Pride 30" @ @171 HALL Dance the night away on Vermont’: GLBT Pride Day Sat. June 20 6-1 0 PM C? Contois Auditorium, City Hall, Church St. Burlington BY JOHN APPLETON — — — — — — ~ — — ~ — — —- — think it is obvious that one’s . -. .__ -..«e. -. . ‘Av 4... ._,_.._. » sexuality is interwoven into the fabric of life and can be seen on occasion as both the cause and effect of behavior in other aspects of one’s life and work During my life I have seen immense change ‘ in the attitudes toward people's sexual lives and I anticipate that even greater understanding will occur in the years to come. That said, I reject the conclu- sions of trendy musicologists who would lead one to believe that music expresses sexuality except insofar as music is capable of expressing very general emotional states. Because sex has been a very important part of my life, I believe that to fail to acknowl- edge and explain this part of my ex- istence would make the autobiogra- phy I am writing incomplete. Finally, because my sexuality caused me more pain and anguish than pleasure, perhaps my writing about it can help others who have faced similar diffi- culty. I knew at an early age that I was bisexual,that I was different in this way from others, and I felt shamed by my feelings. Of all the incidents, the confirming one was my conversation with my mother when I was ten years old, when I asked her why there sim- ply wasn’t one sex? Her answer was that I didn’t understand the beauty of the physical expression of love be- tween men and women. My mother was responsible for making my subsequent sexual rela- tions with women difficult - she con- veyed the idea that men wanted sex and women did not. At the same time she was seductive toward me and my brother. But, while she raised some barriers to my easy communication with women about my sexual desires and intentions, nothing in the way I was raised accounts for my bisexual- I am not a victim. Rather, I believe my bisexual- ity was genetically determined and although many physiologists and psy- chiatrists will say otherwise, I can feel the flux in chemical or homronal bal- ance which shifts my sexual interest‘ between men and women. During my I— — i Z — : — — :—— Nothing I I I I , accounts I I I I r__; _____ __.._ life I have discussed my sexual life with nearly a dozen psychiatrists or psychotherapists and none of them have given me the understanding of my condition that I sought. Thus, it took me until my mid- fifties to come to terms with my sexu- ality and this seems to me to be a very sad fact. It would have been much easier if my family, my friends and society has not been afraid of sexual- ity and especially homosexuality. I believe there are such societies but it is not one into which I was born. I am not informed enough to explain the causes of societal attitudes toward homosexuality, nor does it matter. If I had not had to hide my ho- mosexual feelings would I have mar- ried? Yes, I loved the women I mar- ried. Would I have entered into a mo- nogamous homosexual relationship? Perhaps. This is what I seek at the present time. And if this had happened would my life be different?Yes, it would have been much more restricted. Although I could have found the pleasure I take in children without having my own, it would have been exceedingly difficult. Yet I never mar- ried awoman solely because I wanted "-——‘_—'1 way I was raised} bisexuality. I am. not a victim. ____________, truth. How- children. I think I married largely be- cause I wanted someone to care for and to take care of me (although sadly I always failed to ask for this part). I have never met a man who wanted to do that - more likely I never looked - but I have met many women [n the: who did and ave. T h e F r e u d i a n I theory that art- fo r rn Y I ists translate I their sexual energy into their creations I has some _ ever, the in- tense activity of composing and per- forming music often intensified my sexual desire. In fact, listening to beau- tiful music - surrendering to it - I find very close to the feelings I have when making love. I have met many gay, male musicians who share this feel- ing but not too many straight men, or women for that matter. The musicologist Susan McClary became angry with me once when Itold her that men needed mu- sic rnore than women. I don’t think this is because women can bear children. I was a single parent and am able to communicate with children more eas- ily than most women I have met. The differences between the way men and women experience music will be bet- ter understood before too long. Jon Appleton is a composer living in ’ White RiverJunction, Vermont. He has been on the faculty at Dartmouth Col- lege since 1967.’ A chem-free dance with house DJs Alan Perry and Rob Douglas! MC'd by the enchanting Mystic Maiden Performers: Cherie Tartt, Yolanda & others Tickets are $3 -5 sliding scale available at Peace (3: Justice Center, Burlington; or by calling 1-800-GLB-CHAT (Also available at the door) ALL ARE WELCOME! MANY DOOR PRIZES! L Sponsors: Queer Youth Provider Network, Burlington City Arts, Champlain Drug & Alcohol Services, VT PFLAG chapters, VT Bi-NET. Peace & Justice Center and VT High School GSAs. Join us at the Pride mixer at $10.00/person Door prize and lots of bars d'oeuvres./ vtnmonr GE to RP It E '93 Rainbow Business Association Fitch Hill Inn, Hyde Park, VT June loll: - 6:30 — 3.30 p.m. The mission of the Rainbow Business Association, a g/I/b/t organization, is to create a supportive network among professionals and business owners. For more information call (802) 658-2023. Mix business with pleasure. Directions: Exit 10 oil l-89, follow Route 100 north for 20 miles. Left onto Route 15. Follow for 1.8 miles. Turn right onto Fitch Hill Road. The inn is 1.3 mile on right. is Burlington - BLT Health Network will be meeting at the Peace and Justice Center at7:00 PM. Come visit us,join us partici- pate in the development of health infor- mation and help for the health of BLT's in the state of Vermont. . For further into: phone: Lenny 899-4588, or Joy 848-7037 B} THURSDAY Burlington - 7pm, Unitarian Universalist Church, FREE. A town meeting with Eric Roles, author of Dry Bones Breathe: Gay Men Creating Post-AIDS Identities and Cultures Roles, also the author of Reviv- ing the Tribe: Regenerating Gay Men’s Sexuality and Culture in the Ongoing Epi- demic, offers an engaging, provocative analysis of gay men's shifting experience of the AIDS epidemic. Flofes, a dynamic and insightful thinker, takes the position that gay men are no longer experiencing AIDS as a crisis and AIDS activism must be redirected and redesignedto keep in Step with the continuingtransformation of gay life in the late nineties Join the fasci- nating discuxion. FRIDAY Burlington - Pride Kick-Off Concert wl David Hall & Katherine Quinn, 8pm, St. Paul's Cathedral, Cherry and Battery Streets, $7 SATURDAY Burlington, VT - Vermont Pride Day vtpride98@hotmai|.com - 10am, Interfaith Worship Service at First Unitarian Universalisl Society, Church St. FMI, Lisa Rubin (802) 862-0251, Iisarubin@ao|.com - 10:30am, 2nd Annual DYKE MARCH, meet in front of City Hall ~ 11:30am,The Rally @ Waterfront Park - 1pm, The Parade. Meet @ Waterfront Park ' 3pm,The Festival with entertainment and food at The Waterfront - 6-10pm, Pride Ball @ City Hall, chem- , free. ContoisAuditorium, City l'I8I|.Chllf<_>h_ _ St. Dahoeparly wldjs;' tix at Peace ‘ - ;I .,»,«._.‘~‘:..., ,,.._‘ __fi____ _y_.,>.‘_H_,_. .:.‘..:,--.3,‘ ;«»_'5::_::; _ ‘r L. . .. .. -L. . .... . K and Justice Center, or 1-800-GLB-CHAT, or at the door - 7-9pm, VGSA Boat Cruise, Randy (802) 863-3669 FMI - 8-11pm,The Dance on the Waterfront wl cover band Jusagroove, $5 - 10pm, A Faery Home Companion : _a benefit for Out In The Mountains, Club Toast. Endora, Yolanda and the Plastic Family, and Cherrie Tart featured in “Star Trek The Musical— Part III", $5 Lebanon, NH - AmeIia’s gathering to clean their adopted higrway. FMI Mandy at 603- 632-7146 or MaryLou at 603-632-7480 Putney - Putney Free For All. Sponsored by the Putney Food Coop. Free food and drink Children activities and community groupsi intonnation tables. Manchester, NH - New Hampshire Pride NHPRlDE@ao|.com@ao|.com - Parade Information: Groups will as- semble alVictory Park in Manchester Pa- rede will start at 11 :00 AM sharp June 20, 1998. . . 110.4 IJ - Paade Route: Start \fictory Park, Proceed west on Concord St. to Elm St. Left onto Elm St. South down Elm St. to VetIeran’s Park (Merrimack & Elm St.) The NH Gay Mens Chorus will perform at the conclu- sion of the parade at Veterans Park. - The Pride Festival will be held at the Mclntyre Ski area in Manchester. Gates open at 12:00 noon. Admission will be $12.00 per person attire gate and will also be available for $10.00 in advance from _NH Pride committee members Buy your tickets early and savell. There will be en- tertainment throughout the day, vendor booths, food and beverages, music by D1 (to be announced) and much much more! Performances: Guest Appearance by Kandy Kane, Karen Ripley (SanFrancisco comedienne),"Don’t Harass Betty” (Band),Miss Gay New Engand ‘fish ‘kiw- ers And Friends,NH Gay Mens Chorus Performance times will be gmnounced soon. > SUNDAY . Burlington - GLITTER film presentation: La Cage Aux Folles Rhombus Gallery, Io- cated at the intersection of College & Church Streets in downtown Burlington, Vennont. Enter on College Stand the gel- lery is on the 2nd floor. All eventsbegn at 7:30 PM. For moreinforrnation, call Steven Kopstein on 802-434-5653 or emaiI:G|ittervt@aol.com. Or contact the Rhombus Gallery at 186 College St., 865- 3144. MONDAY Burlington - GLITTER film presentation: Antania’s Line. Rhombus Gallery, located at the intersection of College & Church Streets in downtown Burlington, Vennont. Enter on College St and the gallery is on the 2nd floor. All events begin at 7:30 PM. For more information, call Steven Kopstein on 802-434-5653 or email:GIittervI@aoI.com. Or contact the Rhombus Gallery at 186 College St., 865- 3144. . ‘CALENDAR I 'l'3llIllTlIlI.IE8, |l1ll