12 — OUT IN THE MOUNTAINS — JUNE 1998 Coming Out in the classroom BY MICHAEL C. ALBERO He was a ‘student many wanted to help, but nobody knew what to do. Quiet, re- served, sincere and living very within himself, he obviously suffered from depression. After failing to meet the requirements for graduation, he returned to U—32 high school the following year intent on completing the curriculum. Despite long conversa- tions with Maggie Desch, a sci- ence teacher, and her frequent reassurances that he could share anything, life's problems soon proved too overwhelming. ”I saw him... in the art area work- ing by himself [one day] and it kills me just to think of the look he gave me,” said Desch. Suffer- . ing a great deal and feeling ”misunderstood,” he dropped out of school and never re- _ turned. Although he seldom stated the problems with which he was trying to cope, Desch believed he was struggling with issues of sexuality, and she can- not forget him even two years later. It was then when she first realized the importance for gay teachers to be open about their orientation, and she made the I decision to come out in the class- room. Like Desch, who felt she ”dropped the ball” in failing to connect with the troubled youth, many gay teachers now feel an obligation to share their sexual orientation with stu- dents. "T here is only so long that you can live in the closet,” says Desch. "It becomes so confining and it does so much damage, not only to you, but to everyone‘ around you.” Barry Mitchell has wit- nessed the destruction first hand, as he fought through a disastrous marriage, only com- ing out to himself two years ago. A media technician at U—32 high school, Mitchell believed he ”owed it to the kids to be out. [After] reading books and ar- ticles, like One Teacher in Ten by Kevin Jennings... I [realized] I was not doing myself or any- body else a favor by remaining in the closet.” Others, like Joe Spinella, a third and fourth grade teacher at Hanover Street School in New Hampshire, felt an obligation to students be- cause, ”...it’s who I am as a per- son. I have a partner and an adopted family. It would be a chore to make up that big piece of my life.” While making the deci- sion to come out can be difficult, devising a method to disclose the information has been re- markably easy for some. For in- _stance, Spinella holds a discus- sion on families at the beginning of each school year. ”We talk about how each family has a dif- ferent make-up. Some children don’t have grandparents, other parents don’t live together, still more have two mommies and two daddies. My children live with two men.” For Mitchell, the opportu- nity presented itself when Desch asked him to participate in a class discussion involving sexu- ality and the experience of growing up gay. ”I didn't even hesitate. I just decided to go in and do it. At first they were sur- prised, and they all went off and discussed it. Then they came around and said, ‘We don’t have a problem with it.’ They basi- cally think you just hate women. So, whenever I get the opportu- nity, I try to give them a little insight... [into my life]. It was the first time I came out in public and it was a great experience,” said Mitchell. As a result of coming out to their students and co—work- ~ ers, several teachers have wit- nessed key changes within their schools. At U-32 high school in East Montpelier, a group named ”Common Ground” has been established to deal with all as- pects of diversity, but the major focus is sexual orientation. While the health teacher at the school, ”has always struggled with the issue,” according to Desch, ”he now comes into classes and talks about sexual- ity.” I . However, the most signifi- cant change that has occurred throughout the school system is in the language of students. While abusive words, like ‘queer, dyke’ and ’faggot’ con- tinued to be used by many, the « frequency with which they are spoken has decreased tremen- dously. Students are now aware of the hurt these words cause, and consider the ramifications before speaking. Although there are many benefits to coming out in the classroom, some teachers con- tinue to keep their sexuality a secret from-students. Paul, a school teacher in the central Ver- mont area, fears the community reaction. In a recent lunchroom conversation with a fellow co- worker, whose child also at- tends the school, he had to struggle to keep his emotions in check. ”We were talking about a foster child who had two gay _ foster parents... She brought up how kids should not have gay parents because it was not right and being gay is not okay.” An- other conflict which added to his anxiety involved disciplin- ary measures taken within the school. ”I asked this student to sit down and he refused. I told him to sit and he said, ’You are nothing, but a fucking fag!’ Then he walked out the door. He was only suspended half a day and his letter of apology was three lines long. It said, ‘I am sorry for calling you a fag. I will try not to do it again.”’ Further uneasi- ness was felt at an in—service dealing with sexual harassment. According to Paul, ”A series of yes and no questions were asked. One involved homopho- bia and over fifty percent of the people admitted to having done something homophobic re- cently." Even for those teachers who are relatively out about their sexuality, dangerous situ- ations sometimes arise. Last fall at Spaulding high school, Lisa Lemiex, a driver education teacher, had to deal with a vengeful tactic from one of her students. ”She failed my class, and the next day her mother came in and told the counselor I had... touched her daughter.” An immediate investigation was conducted, in which Lemiex was interviewed twice by an assistant principle. "They did an initial interview and she [the assistant principle] asked I me some questions. The next day was a much more detailed interview. She asked me the same questions, and I gave her the same answers. Then she asked me the questions again, but [only then] did she write down the answers.” A similar process was conducted with the student, and several discrepan- cies‘ arose in her story. The mother then called the school and apologized for her daugh- ter, while Lemiex was cleared of all charges. The decision to come out in the classroom remains a heated topic of discussion in most educational circles. For those who may be considering such an action, though, Jeanne Comuche, a third grade teacher at South Royalton School, of- fered the most practical ap- proach. ”Start with one person at a time. It’ s not like you have to come out at a faculty meet- ing. Come out one faculty mem- ber at a time. That's what I did, and it wasn't as bad.” Editorial continued fiom page two come out to do so much for their com- munity. It always amazes me when people don’t do something they had committed to and almost always the reason is because they were busy do- ing something else for their commu- nity. I am proud to work with people who are able to see a far off goal and come together and work on it. I am proud to work with a healthy mixture of gay men and Les- bians. it often feels like gay men and women have so little in common, even on a basic level, our bodies and our attractions are different. Every time we come together to work our differences become inconsequential. I am proud how we seek out diversity, I only wish Vermont had a greater diversity of people to reach out to. It is no small task as anyone can tell you and we have work to do. I am proud to share a community with groups likeTFtANS and BiNet who re- mind us that we are not all the same but that we are all in _the same boat. i am proud of this paper, and the twenty or thirty people that come together in some form or another ev- ery month to contribute in some way to create a paper that speaks for and informs a community, I only hope that this paper is something that the com- munity can be proud of.