,_..,_. ., ., . ‘ .,, ..,--,. ‘Ar-"‘*‘~"‘U"‘1 " .~'«7--.- -3- —’-.—«~. . 16 — OUT IN THE MOUNTAINS — OCTOBER 1997 "PIUMARY CARE XN FRANKLIN COUNTY Mara Vijups, M.D. Faniily Practice Specialist NMC Rural Health Services Caring for Adults & Children Enosburg Swanton East Fairfield 933-5831 868-2454 827-3032 ESTHER ROTHBLUM hati_s_ sex? In our so ciety, "sex” is com- monly defined as heterosexual intercourse. ]oAnn Loulan (author of the books Lesbian Sex and Lesbian Passion) has described how adolescents who have engaged in a number and variety of l Forest Family‘Dent.ist;ry . Laurie Ann Foresh D'D'S' sexual activities but have not The Heritage l Building 81 River Street Montpelier, VT 05602 (802) 229-0033 had intercourse will say that they haven't ”gone all the way.” The first time women ”go all the way” has a power- ful definitional value; it is the -time they will remember as their first sexual experience. This first experience of inter- course will ”count” even if they didn't find it particularly sexual, even if they didn't have an orgasm, even if they had hundreds of prior sexual en- _ counters without intercourse, and even if these prior. sexual James R. Nelson A/IACP Psychotherapist (802) 651-7764 Burlington, 05401 Professional Confidential arousing and/or resulted in orgasms. Women may recall their first experience of inter- course as somewhat disap- pointing, but they knew that the ”realness” of the experi- ence from the point of view of society's definition of sex meant that they would never forget the experience. What is lesbian sex? Sexual activity, as defined by lesbians, is greatly affected by heterosexual definitions of sexual activity. Two women are considered to have engaged in sex if they performed mutual genital stimulation. A lesbian who has never engaged in this activity will probably not be- lieve that she has had sex with another woman. A lesbian who had an orgasm while watching j or kissing another woman, for — ~ example, has not '-fgone all the ,Way.II . ’~‘ '. . PY Sheila D; Rawls, M.S.C. Feminist Thera Pathvvays for self-discovery and growth addictions V coming out V rclationsliips V spirituality V ACOA 2 Church Street, Suite 48 Burlington, Vermont 0540i (802) 865-?.(>O9 *sliding (‘cc scale PRINCE ,]HoRr_v‘" These definitions of Tnmoau Carma - vsmoim: - (802) 785-20227 . _ sexual activity, both the hetero- Rena MASTER - POLARITY ' Swsotsu/Es/man MASSAGE Dykzs Towatch Outforl byAiison Bedlldcl encounters were extremely‘- DYKE PSYCHE: What is lesbian sex? sexual and the lesbian/bi- sexual versions, focus on geni- tal activity and thus ignore other, nongenital, sexual expe- riences that women may have had. We have no terminology for the early sexual crushes that some girls develop on other people, usually a female friend or female teacher. We have no language for the sexual feelings that arise be- tween adult friends, even when both friends are in sexual relationships with other people. In contrast, if the friends engage in genital sexual activity with each other, we immediately have lan- guage; they are having an af- fair. Situations in which one woman has sexual feelings for another, but these feelings are not reciprocated, are not viewed as ”real” sex; in fact, the term ”unrequited love” re- flects the lack of legitimacy of these feelings. In the lesbian communities, ex-lovers often remain friends and friends of- ten become lovers; closeted les- bians may introduce their lover to their family or C0- worker as their ”friend." This sex-focused defini- tion of a relationship has a number of implications for les- bians and bisexual women in female-female relationshipsflt overemphasizes sexual activ- ity when this may not be what is important to lesbians in a relationship. Lesbians may feel pressure to have genital sex in order to provide a definition for their romantic feelings for another woman. Theymay feel pressure to continue having sex in order to view themselves as still being partners. If geni- tal sex ceases, and if one or both partners tells close friends about this, the lesbian commu- nity may view the couple as having ended their relation- ship, and the members of the couple may be considered sexually available by other 5 women. Lack of sexual activ- ity may be interpreted (by the - couple, the lesbian community, and their_therapist)as a sign that something is seriously wrong with the relationship, even if all other aspects of the relationship are satisfying. What is a feminist vision of the future of women's sexu- ality? What would be some components of a lesbian sexual revolution? Throughout much of women's history, women's sexuality was tied to reproduc- tion, and thus to men. Women's sexuality was linked to pregnancy and motherhood. Lesbians can serve as models for sexual activity free from re- production. Sexual activity free from reproduction also implies that sexual activity can be in- dependent of genital activity, so that ”sex” can truly encom- pass all aspects of women's bodies, spirituality, love, and passion. Sexual relationships are so influenced by patriarchal definitions that we cannot truly conceive of women relat- ing in ways that feel authentic to us. This is an area of tremen- dous power, and one in which we do not even know what our questions are, let alone our so- lutions. Esther Rothblum is Professor of Psychology at the Univer- sity of Vermont and Editorof the lournal of Lesbian Studies. DYKE PSYCHE is a monthly column. This piece was excerpted from the article by Esther Rothblum entitled ”Trans- forming Lesbian Sexuality” that appeared in the journal Psychology of Women- Quarterly, 1994, Volume 18, pp. 627-641. For a copy of this article,’ write to Esther Rothblum, Dept. Psychology, John Dewey Hall, University of Vermont, ‘ Burlington, VT 05405 e_rothbl@dewey.uvm.edu. OITM Wislz List: Color Computer Monitor Contact Chris at 865-929~l www.visi.eomI~opi_-airiel ,‘- isr/ms. raxvwufitasi "‘luM1'>{ETv Dom! P aiacnaoa YA?! ’ ’ I .: - .. THAT WAS THE MRDILRD. Hf‘; Nffwg, - THE RN55 omxi '