xvi-‘u 11 Page 10 DYKE PSYCHE: -Out in the ‘Mountains LESBIAN BABY BOOMERS AT MIDLIFE This piece was excerpted from the book chapter by Esther Rothblum, Beth Mintz, D. Brookes Cowan and Cheryl Haller entitled ”From Stonewall to Newsweek: Lesbian Baby Boonzers at Midlife" that appeared in the book Di/ke Life (Basic Books), edited by Karla Jay. On June 28, 1969, the lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals at the Stonewall Inn Bar in Greenwich Village fou ht the police who came to raid the bar. The ages 0 the Stonewall patrons ranged from late teens to early thirties. Twenty-four years later, on June 21, 1993, the cover story of Newsweek was entitled ”Lesbians: Coming out strong; what are the limits of tolerance?” and depicted two young, white lesbians embracin . ' I'm a lesbian of is transitional generation, a group which came of age in the period between Stonewall and the more progressive — or at least, lesbian visible — 19905. We were in our teens and twenties in 1969. As we approach midlife, the awareness of the general U.S. public about lesbian and gay issues has significantly increased. According to a recent Newsweek article, for example, 43% of the U.S. population indicated that they have a ”gay friend or ac uaintance.” We are also part 0 the baby boomers generation. And just as schools, colleges, the military, and the workplace accommodated our numbers as we grew up, the nation, and we as individuals, are pre aring for our aging and retirement. Given w at we know about aging heterosexual women, what might be different for lesbians? Affirming lesbianism and affinning aging For white women, becoming a lesbian is learning how to live as a minority. As females in a male-dominated society, both lesbianand straight women are oppressed, although sexism is usually least ap arent to young heterosexual women. As Gloria teinem has noted, this is the age when women have the most social power, since we are at the peak of our ph sical and sexual attractiveness. At least for able-bo ied, middle-class, white women, then, ageism may be the first recognized experience of oppression. Women who are members of other oppressed groups, however, have faced oppression throughout life. Thus, coping with heterosexism may prepare lesbians to cope with aging more effectively and research on this question supports this idea. - Families of origin For lesbians who are out to their arents, midlife may be a time of increasing com ort and decreasing tensions. Lesbianism may no longer be considered a ”phase” that the woman needs to outgrow’. For lesbians who come out at midlife, the fact that they were involved in prior heterosexual relationships, including marriage, may be less threatening to parents. Coming out to parents at midlife may be easier than at adolescence, when the ' by Esther Rothblum lesbian is still living at home and financially dependent on her arents. It's harder tovtell a daughter that she’l have a miserable life being a lesbian when she has surpassed the educational level or the socioeconomic status of her family of origin. Yet, while the data we have is limited, it seems as if few lesbians are in fact out to their families. Among the last people we come out to are our parents, particularly if we are Euro—American. ‘ Not being out to parents has a number of implications for lesbians. They may move further away from their family in order to keep their lesbianism a secret. The may keep their family distant in other ways, su as infrequent visits and superficial communication. Not disclosing sexual orientation to parents means that parents will view their lesbian daughter as a single woman. For aging lesbians who are closeted to their parents, aging may imply decreased pressure to date or marry men. However, the unmarried daughter may be called upon by family members to take care of aging parents. Thus, she may spend her midlife years providing care in her own community or erhaps ack in her hometown where she is most c oseted. Friendship networks and partner relationships Ask a lesbian who is out what she means by ”family” and she will probably describe her family of friends in the lesbian community. A major way of finding lesbian friends is being integrated into a lesbian community. In fact, most lesbians for whom we have information, are. Over two—thirds of the lesbians in the National Lesbian Health Care Survey lived in a community that had lesbian support groups, lesbiancultural events, lesbian sports teams, lesbian therapists, a lesbian bar, lesbian or gay religious groups, and a lesbian or feminist bookstore. Only 18% of lesbians lived in communities where there were no lesbian activities, but 50% of these lesbians lived within 50 miles and 22% lived within 100 miles of communities with lesbian activities. Lesbian communities do not seem as fixed by age as the dominant culture. Lesbians of all ages participate in various lesbian social and political events. Consequently, lesbian friendship circles include women across ages. "I once lived in a communal household with four lesbians who ranged in age from a college student in her early twenties to a woman ir1 her fifties. The women in this household viewed themselves as peers, not as women spanning two generations. As the Stonewall generation, we have made our way through many t pes of relationships as we aged. If we knew ot er lesbians while we were children and adolescents, they were probably in butch / femme relationships that mirrored the rigid gender roles of heterosexual marriages of the times. During the so-called ”sexual revolution,” monogamy was frowned upon in man lesbian communities, and lesbians had multiple, s ort-term sexual encounters. These days, middle aged lesbians strive for long-term relationships consistent with the nesting stage of development. Increasing numbers of lesbians are also parenting children together which marks a shift rom couples rearing e children of one partner's former marriage to couples bearing or adopting children together. Moreover, lesbians are rearing children later in life than their heterosexuals sisters. This is certainly due to the high costs of childrearing and adoption, and the relatively lower income of women compared to men's. Conclusion ' The Stonewall generation is fjust turning fifty, and that is the older se ent 0 our cohort. Therefore much of this essay as focused on mid- life, not old age. As Psychologist Sarah Pearlrnan has said: ”Early mid-life may be the theory, but late rnid—life is the practice . . . . ” Other issues will become im ortant as the Stonewall generation retires and ecomes old. We are well aware, for example, that older lesbians have experienced significant ageism, including ageism from younger lesbians, but the baby boomers have not yet faced this head on. \ We are also aware that while many of us do not feel old, turnin fifty is considered old in areas and countries wi high rates of malnutrition and disease and, thus, we note the class and race components of post Stonewall lesbian aging. Muriel Miguel describes how she has felt she was at midlife since she was twenty-five; that while growing up she saw members of her Native American community die before age forty. Also, we emphasize the importance 0 gender differences: at thesame time that lesbian baby boomers are turning fifty, the AIDS epidemic is ki ling young gay men. Thus, it is irn ortant to em hasize the diversity of the Stonewallpgeneration. ose of us who live in rural, conservative, Bible-Belt communities may lead lives not too different from those of lesbians in the 19405 and 19505. Lesbians in Boston or San Francisco, in contrast, may be part of the ”mainstream” and out to everyone. It is important to keep in mind that our generation spans a wide continuum. There may be more similarities between lesbians and heterosexual women of similar political backgrounds than there are between lesbians who differ in level of conservatism, religiosity, and other factors. Esther Rothblum is Professor of Psychology at the University of Vermont and Editor of the Journal of Lesbian Studies. DYKE PSYCHE will be a monthly column. For a copy of this book chapter, write to Esther Rothblum, Dept. Psychology, John Dewey Hall, University of Vermont, Burlington, VT 05405, email e_rothbl@dewey.uvm.edu. Voices from the Mountains: Meet G/LEARN As the excitement of Ellen's public coming out fades, those of us who are in the less—than—public eye have wondered how we can benefit from the current increased awareness of the issue of sexual orientation. The Upper Valley, the area around White River Junction, has a large population of Lesbian and Gay people, but because we are so spread out in towns and rural areas, the sense of having a community has never been very strong. There are a number of organizations which serve to keep us connected with each other, such as The Amelia Earheart Underground Flying Society (Amelia’s) and Social Alternatives for Men (SAM) and the Dartmouth Rainbow Alliance (formerly DAGLO), but we are stillfairly closeted to the larger Community. A relatively new group, two—year old G / LEARN (Gay / Lesbian Education and Resource Network), has been working to change that. Originally created by a small grou of Lesbian and Gay parents who were concerned a out the treatment their children were receiving at the hands of their peers when the sexual orientation of the parents was discovered, the focus of G / LEARN was to educate educators about the issues involved. We sent out informational packets to school administrators and counselors, we formed a speakers bureau, and we organized a weekly support group for lesbigaytrans and questioning youth. We have put up posters in public places in the towns in_ the area. We meet monthly, have had trainings for the youth group facilitators and the s eakers bureau, have received grants to carry on t is work, and are putting together Educational Packets to send to the schools. And yet, it still seems that ver few know we are here. The posters are taken own (often within 24 hours) and we put them back up, only to have them disappear again. We have had very few responses to our mailings which go to 100+ people an schools and or anizations. The Friday night youth group has sel om had more than one young person per meeting. We're now seeking allies, both in the straight and lesbigaytrans world to help us get the word out. As a school administrator, are you concerned about the use of the word ”fag ot” as the most popular petjorative in your schoo ? As a teacher, do you have a student you think might be at risk because of her/ his or the parent's sexual orientation? Are you a parent who is frustrated at the lack of sensitivity in your child's school? Do the statistics about the suicide rates of lesbian and gay teens make you want to do something to help in ways you wish had been available to you as a young person? Get in touch with us and get involved. We are planning a retreat in July to evaluate our work to date and to plan for the coming year. We have more influence as a group and it's important for us to support one another. We can make a difference. As one of my earliest lesbian t—shirts proclaimed, ”An army of lovers cannot fail”. Ellen said we're coming out because its okay to be queer. And because too many people have had too much pain in their lives because of who they are. It's time to talk about it and let the world know that, indeed, we are not going awa . FMI: G / LEARN, PO Box 27, Norwic , VT 05055, or newvic@AOL.com, or 802-649-5297; for youth group info: Headrest Teenline 800-639-6095.