I Page 5 NEVERENDED,CONI‘INUEDFROMPAGE1 to go on the street at night, afraid in our own home sometimes. Rape does not occur just between one man and t A one woman; rape affects countless other members of the family. My mother said she never told my father that she had been raped. My father never bonded with my brother and sister like he bonded with me. I was his first born, hence he didn’t want me to know anything about my mother’s past. She didn’t even tell her family that she had been raped. Rape now is a horrible thing, but in those days it was worse; it was a terrible disgrace and today victims are not placed in that total disgrace. No matter what year in history, all are victims defiled by this heinous act. Yet today there are a few rape crisis centers and a few par- ents are understanding across our country. It was ter- rible that she got pregnant, but it was even worse that she got raped and besides, I wonder who would have believed her? A A For the rest of her life my mother was no longer close to her own mother and sisters. She visited them, but when the family got together for a reunion there was always acertain reservation between them, a coolness. When she needed them they were not there for her. She had been ostracized. The aunt that she had lived with kept in touch with the couple who adopted the baby, unbeknownst to my father. The family wrote to the aunt and occasionally sent photos of the child. She used to sneak the photos to my mother and my mother could see Ruth as she was growing up. The family had changed the child’s name. ‘ One time, when I was in those awful teen years where you can’t stand the sight of your mother much less anybody else, I had a big fight with her, a terrible row, and I screamed, “You don’t love daddy, you don’t love him.’-’ She stomped out of the room and came back with ' agency. 2 V - this picture of a little girl and said, “This is a how much I loved your father. I gave up this for your father.” Then she said, “Don’t you ever, ever tell him that I told you this, because he would kill me.” I never told him. After he died, I asked her about it and she started to talk about the circumstances of the whole thing. It was then I began to understand all about the nightmares and her screaming at night. I never understood why she stayed with this man for all of those years. She was quite proud when she told me that she had taken amarriage vow saying, ‘“til death do us part,” and she said, “I kept my vow.” In spite of the fact that I had been my father’s favorite, I began to see what he really was. He didn’t allow me to see some of his bad sides. He was a short man and seemed to have a Hitler complex. He battered me, too, but somehow I accepted it and didn’t really see what he was until later. Sometimes you have to grow up, get away from home before you can finally put all the pieces together and see what the total picture was. My sister, who is nine years younger, was at home a lot longer than I was, and she now tells me stories about his violence. I never saw his violence towards her. I just remember bending over backwards to appease my fa- ther. I would even circumvent my mother so she wouldn’t upset my father. I didn’t want him to blow up. If my mother hadn’t been raped, she probably never would have manied this man. My aunt didn’t want my mother to marry him; she had a nice boy from church picked out for her to marry. My mother was a single woman working in a factory, and the aunt was too old to take care of the baby. So my mother did not have a lot of options. The adoption never ‘went through a legal I often wonder where my half sister is. But after my aunt died, all the communication stopped. My mother knows nothing about where her daughter is. V ‘ March I 1997 CHASSMAN s. 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Vermont Rape Statistics - Burlington, Vermont has the same number of rapes occurring per capita as New York City. ~ In Vermont, a rape occurs every 2.9 days. - in Vermont, 1 out of every 3 girls and 1 out of every 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18. - in Vermont, children knew their offenders in 97% of _ reported sexual abuse casesin 1988. - In Venriont, l3 sexual assault programs worked with 668 rape victims in fiscal year 1989. - The United States has the highest sexual assault rate of 3 any iiidtistiialized nation in the world. - Rape rates have risen four times as fast as the total crime rate in the last ten years. A - 95% ofsexual assault victims are female. - 85% of rapes are acquaintance or “date" rapes. - 93% ofoffenders who sexually abuse children are men. - The FBI estimates that for every reported rape. 710 l() more are not reported. SI(l/fSIf(.'.\' /m)viz/ed by the W()’Int'/2 3' Rape C risis Center of BIll'ffIigI(}I1. How’you can help: Become a volunteer, contribute money or supplies to crisis centers, talk about the issues, include men in supportive efforts, write letters to the editor and elected officials, attend special events and speak-outs. RESOURCE UST Statewide A Hotlines: Domestic Assault: (800) 228-7395 Sexual Assault: (8()0) 489-7273 Abuse and Rape Crisis 75 Fairfreld Street St. Albans VT05478 Hotline: 524-6575 Office: 524-6574 or (800) 427-6574 Enosburg: 933-2362 . Addison County Women in Crisis PO Box 67 Middlebury VT 05753 3884205 (800) 388-4205 A.W.A.R.E PO Box 307 Hardwick VT 05843 472-6463 Brattleboro Women’s Crisis Center Hotline: 254-6954 Montpelier Battered Women’s Services Hotline: 223-0855 Project Against Violent Encounters PO Box 227 Bennington VT 05201 Hotline: 4-/l2—2l l 1 Office: 442-2370 Rutland County Women’s Network and Shelter I-lotline:'775—3232 Sexual Assault Crisis Team PO Box l3 13 I Montpelier VT 05601 223-7755 The Survivor Project 61 Macrae Road Colchester VT 05446 862-9037 I Umbrella Women’s Services I Prospect Avenue ‘ St. Johnsbury VT 05819 748—8l4l Vermont Network Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault PO Box 405 Montpelier VT 0560l 223-1302 Women Helping Battered Women . PO Box 1535 Burlington VT 05402 Hotline: 658-1996 Office: 658-3131 Women’s Rape Crisis Center PO Box 92 Burlington VT 05402 Hotline: 863-I236 Oftice: 864-0555 (Voicefl'I'Y) .Montpelier. 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