A Queer Holiday List Continued from page 1 (Phto: Paul Olsen) President Clinton at Burlington International Airport: was he naughty or nice? President Bill Clinton: More appointments to the Supreme Court South Burlington City Councilor David MacLaughlin: A night at Campus in Montreal State Representative Ricky Westman: Michelangelo Signorile's latest book The 135 Pearl Dancers: Never mind Vermont State Auditor Ed Flanagan: Another 15 minutes of fame Female illusionist Noel: A loan to produce her compact disc U.S. Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole: The realization that it is inconsistent to say you oppose discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation but not support the Employment Non-Discriniination Act (ENDA) U.S. Representative Bernard Sanders: His voice back Rutland's Karol Raiche: A copy of Daddy 's Roommate and a subscription to 01 TM Craig Cabot: An opening night for The Night Larry Kramer Kissed Me Cherie Tartt: A photographic memory Hinesburg Representative Bill Lippert: A leadership position in Montpelier Vermont CARES Executive Director Tim Palmer: A warm welcome to Vermont Best selling author and former General "Colon Bowel": _One of his children coming out of the closet so he'll finally get it The Burlington Free Press: Headlines that do not refer to being gay as a "lifestyle" Agricultural Commissioner Leon Graves: Recognition that his anti—gay amendment to Vermont's adoption reform bill will haunt his political career (Former) Vermont State Democratic Party Executive Director Jim Ward: Openly gay candidates for the 1996 elections Vermont State Republican Party Executive Director Brian Cosgrove: _ Openly gay candidates for the 1996 elections 01 TM: Ten more years. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year. Have safe, queer, out, and healthy holidays. V A eubecription to Out In The Mountains the perfect holiday gift! ITE YOUR W R ’ V ( Dear Auntie Pearl: I hope you can tell me if there’s something wrong with me. I’m a masculine—looking guy. I’ve been gay all my life, but I have a secret. When I have sex, I fantasize that I’m a woman. It's the best way I get off. But now I'm in a real relationship for the first time, and I feel guilty thinking up fantasies instead of thinking about my lover. He’s a great guy and real hot, so I feel like I’m lying to him when I tell him he’s great, because it’s really my fantasy that’s great. Copyright 1995 Don’t get me wrong, he really is great in bed. I didn’t have to do the fantasy at first. But the longer we’re together, the more I have to do the fantasy in order to have sex. My lover would be shocked to know this, because no matter what we start out with, we always end with me as the top. Should I see a sex therapist? Does this mean I’m supposed to be a woman? I don’t feel like a woman. I love being a man. Please help me! Top With a Great Imagination Dear Top: Whatever primes the pump, darling. You're not the first person —- queer or straight, woman or man —- to imagine how the other half lives. Don’t you dare pass judgment on your fantasies. In fact, Auntie wants you to share the wealth. Tell your lover. Play it out together. Ah, there’s nothing so fine as the actualized fantasy. The best sex life selects from a varied menu; some fantasy, some reality, some serious, some playful. Don’t hold back. Who knows? Your bottom may be a closet top just waiting for his chance in the saddle. Have fun. **=l==l=* Dear Auntie Pearl: My lover, “J ane”, and I fell deeply inlove 3 years ago. We lived apart for our whole relationship, until_a few months ago. We had a commitment ceremony and a huge party. The day we moved into our condo was the happiest day of my life. But now I’m afraid this was a big mistake. I thought I knew Jane, but I had no idea! She used to complain about her roommate being messy, but it turns out that it’s Jane who’s a slob! I was V raised to take care of my things, but Jane’s mother did everything for her. Jane buys all this over—priced gourmet food that just rots in the refrigerator. It’s disgusting! She runs up the heat bill, and she leaves lights on, Feminist Therapy Sheila D. Rawls, M.S.C. Pathways for self—discovery and growth V addictions V coming out V relationships V spirituality V ACOA December 1995 even when she leaves the house. If it was up to her, we’d have fancy dinner parties every weekend. And she’s always asking her old friends to come visit us. That’s okay, but I just want some privacy sometimes, plus company gets expensive! I We don’t have sex anymore. We used to spend all our free time together, but now we never do things alone, except chores and errands. I talk to her about some of these things, but she says I’m critical and I should relax. I feel like I’m running this place by myself. I’d get more help from a child! We don’t want to fight, but it’s getting harder not to. I can hardly remember being happy with her. I’m afraid I chose the wrong person. I’m so upset that I can’t sleep. She’s really a good person. Maybe we’re supposed to be friends. How do I break this to someone I care about? And how do I face all my friends and family who came to the commitment ceremony? This is awful. We’re just too different. I deserve a good home life! I’m about ready to end this. Am I crazy to walk away from four years? You’ll probably say thatl should have seen this coming, but I need advice. Please help! Mieerable Dear Miserable: What sort of vows did you exchange? “I promise to love and respect you as long as we agree, and nobody more ‘right’ comes along"? Auntie has news for you: there is no right person. There’s only right attitude: it’s called commitment. You remember: what they named the ceremony after. Do you always give up this easily? Yes, you deserve a good home life, but you’re not going to get it by walking away. Fight for it! Like so many newlyweds, your fights aren’t about heat bills or fuzzy scariness in the fridge. They’re about fear and disappointment. You didn’t know Jane as well as you thought. Well, have your tears, dear niece, but deal. Every relationship has its challenges. Rise to them! Talk! If you can’t talk, you can’t have a relationship. Find help in books like Permanent Partners (Berzon), Lesbian Sex (Loulan), or Lesbian Couples (Clunis & Green). If Jane refuses to communicate, then you can start to worry about your future. . We don’t choose people because they’re like us. We choose people with whom we can manage our differences. You finally discovered your differences. Now you can start your relationship. V Vermont Gay Social Alternatives Founded 1990 For membership information write: VGSA, P.O. Box 237 ° Burlington, VT 05402-0237 or call Cliff 985-4937, Bob 865-3734 Forconfidenfial AIDS Information (802) 865-2609 * Sliding Fee Scale 2 Church Street, Suite 4B Burlington, VT 05401 09-95 CHASSMAN open - ?.¢::::' 7 days welcome We are proud to carry the area’s largest selection of gay, lesbian, C ” and bisexual books and magazines. a 81 Church St., Burlington, VT A 802-862-4332 1-800-NEW BOOK \ / 9