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Copyright 1995

 
 

Dear Auntie Pearl: I’m 15 years old, and I think
I’m a lesbian. _I’ve never slept with anybody, but
I’ve always felt like I want to be close to other
girls. It’s not even always a sexual feeling. I just
want to be closer with girls, but I’d hate for
anybody to know, because they’d never want to be
with me at all after that. It’s not like I’m going to
attack somebody. I don’t know how else to explain
it, but it’s real. I never feel that way with guys,
even though I date, and I’m friends with them.

How do I know if I’m that way? I got into the gay
bar here, and that’s where I saw your column. '
Please write back, and I’ll get another paper.
Please answer soon!!

Maybe Gay

Dear Maybe Gay: The most important thing right
now is that you follow your heart —— whether it be
about your sexuality, your creative talents, or
sports ability, or any other aspect of your makeup
which you were born with. You’re learning all
these things about yourself, and each is equally
important. Start writing in a journal about
everything you’re feeling.

If you want to talk to someone personally, look in
this newspaper for a youth group, a queer hotline,
women’s center, or counselor. If they’re not in this
paper, check your phone book. If all else fails, call
an AIDS organization, and ask if they’ll help you
find someone to talk with. If you decide to be

- sexual with someon -- female or male -- learn

safer sex guidelines from an AIDS organization.

Your sexuality will be revealed to you when
you’re ready for it. The bottom line is that there’s
plenty of time to find out who you are. If you’re
lucky, you’ll be learning about yourself throughout
your life. 2

*****

Dear Auntie Pearl: I live a dream life. I have a
charming, handsome lover, “Ted”, and we.live in
a beautiful house. I have anything I want --
clothes, cars, vacations. On top of this, I don’t
have to work, because my lover’s job enables us
to have all of this on his income. He is a partner
in a law firm.

He’s not a sugar daddy. We met when we were
both struggling grad students, and we’ve had our
share of bleak years. But he worked hard, and now
we’re set for life. But I hardly ever see him. He
works fifteen hours a day at least 6 1/2 days a
week. We take two vacations a year -- one skiing
in the winter, the other to the shore in the summer
-- but the rest of the year, we can literally go a
week with just phone contact.

At first, I thought it wouldn't be so bad, or that his
work load would ease—up. I spend my days doing
volunteer work, running errands, seeing friends,
and working out. I’m never bored, and believe me,
I’m grateful for what I have. But I miss the man I
fell in love with ten years ago. There’s nothing I
can do to change this -- his job requires these
hours, and he loves his work. We’ve both dreamed
of having a life like this. Am I nuts to be unhappy
when things are so good?

Spoiled Rotten

Dear Spoiled Rotten: When certain fruits are
kept too long, something starts to stink. Ted may
not be your sugar daddy, but you’re still '3
experiencing Symptom #5 of the Kept Lover
Syndrome: loneliness. '

Speak up, my dear! You’ll never feel better about
your situation than you do right now. Suffer in
silence and you’re signing your relationship’s
death warrant.

You and Ted must find a solution together. If
money is the only thing stopping him from
working less, it’s time to dust off your resume.
But if Ted’s position truly demands this much of
his time, he needs to manage his hours better. Can
he take a break mid—week for dinner, or a
work-out, or sex with you? Can he manage every
other Sunday as “your” day? Use your
imaginations.

Anyone with the ability to be a success in business
can be a success at home. If Ted won’t fit you into
his schedule, then the best part of this relationship
is behind you.

*****

Dear Auntie Pearl: I’m not out to my family. I’m
nervous about how to introduce my girlfriend to
my relatives when we see them forthe holidays.
Help!

Not Out

Dear Not: Unless you have a condition which
forces you to cry out: “This is the woman I have
cunnilingus with!” Auntie sees no problem here.
Introduce your lover as “my friend”. Just don’t
follow that up with “If you know what I mean.” V

r::j1111:111:11j11111jjj1j:1111j111j11

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November 1995

Letters to the Editor

Change of Heart

I owe a personal and public apology to VCLGR Co—Liaison Susan
Aranoff for the tone of my open letter to the VCLGR Board in the
OITM September issue. It was not my intent to personalize my
concerns about the VCLGR Board's accountability. My letter
certainly took on an angry and inappropriate tone, however, and it
was wrong. 1

I was attempting to raise the issue that a representative coalition has
a responsibility to those it represents, especially when criticizing
an ally organization to others outside our community. My letter
was a poor model for making that point. Indeed, I displayed the
same kind of behavior that I was denouncing. *

It was absolutely irresponsible of me to personalize my concern
and criticism; and I apologize to you, Susan.

Mary Hurlle
Hinesburg V

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