WRITE YOUR

’ V
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Dear Auntie Pearl: Please tell me if I’m wrong to
try to save my relationship. Here’s my situation:
My lover “Carrie” can’t get over her ex. It’s been
4 years since her ex left Carrie (we’ve been
together 3 years), and Carrie still won’t speak to
her. Carrie won’t go to Provincetown or the
Michigan music festival because they went there.
She won’t go to some restaurants, she won’t talk

to some of my best friends or go to their parties.
You get the picture.

 

Copyright 1995

I’ve respected her wishes, and I’ve missed out on
a lot of things. This week, she gave me the silent
treatment because I talked to her ex in the grocery
store. I finally told her that it had gone on long
enough, and she blew up at me. She accused me
of just pretending to be on her side all these years.
It’s not like I can tell Carrie to go to a shrink.
She already does. So what’s left to do?

I hope you’ll see something I’m missing, because
I’m ready to call it quits. I know she loves me,
but should I give up hoping that Carrie will ever
feel as deeply for me as she does for her ex?

Haunted in the South

Dear Haunted: If Carrie’s ex showed up
tomorrow with an engagement ring and two
tickets to Hawaii, your lover would run quicker
than cheap mascara in a monsoon. Carrie cares as
much about her ex as you seem to care about ‘

. freshlyescrubbed nose.

your needs. This isn’t about getting over lost
love, it’s about fear of intimacy. You and Carrie
are each pursuing an inaccessible woman.

Before you call it quits, give your life some
attention. You want to go to Provincetown? Go.
You miss your favorite eatery? Take yourself
out. Nobody has the right to determine who you
talk to or where you socialize. Once Carrie sees
that you won’t sit home and iron her crying
towels, she’ll snap—to and realize that life is
passing her by. If that doesn’t work, walk.

*****

Dear Auntie Pearl: I’m an 18 year old male from
a small city. I had a secret sexual relationship
with my best friend (male) in high school, but
we went our separate ways after graduation. I
thought I’d get together with lots of gays at a
prestigious university. Not.

The gays I meet here are cynical about
everything, and they look like freaks. They wear
clothes that look like they came from the
garbage. They shave their heads and pierce their
noses to look cool. Instead, they look stupid.
They act like I’m ignorant because I came to
college for an education and not to have kiss-ins
in the student union or to get ROTC off campus. I
considered ROTC myself before I got my
scholarships.

I was popular in high school. I’m considered
good—looking. I lettered in swimming in high
school, and I still swim every morning. I’m in
great shape, and I think I’m a decent, friendly
guy. But the gays here act like I’m from Mars,
and they wouldn’t lower themselves to be with
me. As if anybody wants to sleep with guys who
try to look as weird and out of shape as possible!

But my problem is that I don’t know how to find
gay guys like me. How does a regular guy find
some love? Thank you.

All American Gay Guy

Dear All American: It’s no wonder the boys
don’t give you a tumble. All they can see is your
nasal passages while you look down your

4

 

_ ,5
15-16 1995
I
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?You’re in college. It’s time you start learning. You don’t have to

like “cynical” gays, but you’d be wise to sit your Dad and Lad
Slacks down and consider why these guys are so irked. Angry
queers like these may just save your neck one day. They’ll be the
ones passing laws that keep you out of jail, in a job, in your home,
or alive with affordable medicine.

By all means, find queer people with your values. Look for
gay—frequented gyms, and queer social, athletic, and religious
groups off-campus. You should also research other schools in
more conservative locations. Auntie recommends reading Coming
Out Right: A guide for the gay male by W. Muchmore and W.
Hanson.

For all our sakes, learn about your culture’s diversity. This is just
the beginning. V

(802) 878-0095 BUSINESS
(802) 878-6288 FAX
(802) 223-5725 RESIDENCE

JEFFREY J. HARTMAN

REALTOR”
Ear;

COLDWELL BANKER
REALTY MART

288 WILLISTON ROAD
WILLISTON. VT 05495

 

An Independently Owned and Operated Member ol Coldwell Banker Residential Aililiales, Inc

 

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