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Dear Auntie Pearl: I moved here from Detroit,
and I have met a lot of gay people here. But very
few of them are real people. If you don’t have a
car, or live above your means, they treat you like
you’re beneath them. The others don’t want you
around if you can’t take care of them.

I’m a gay black man and I’m sorry to say these are
the only kinds of guys I’ve been meeting in the
black gay community. I’m at the point of looking
for guys in the white community. But I don’t know
how to go about it. What should I do about find-
ing a white man for a real relationship?

I'm a nice guy, I treat guys the
way I want to be treated. But all I
get are guys that just want money
and a home. They don’t want to
work to help. Please help me find
a real relationship.

Wired and Lonely in Dallae

Dear Tired: Let’s back up, shall
we? The last time Auntie
checked, “Date—By—Color” was
not the recommended route to
true love. Auntie hopes her an-
swer reaches you before you
work your way through all the
shallow white men in Texas and
choose your next hue.

You’re tired? Of course you are.
And so is your approach. Honey,
if you have a problem with gay
men, and a problem with black
men, how’s your view in the mir-
ror?

You know you deserve better.
Act like it Leam to spot a dud
before you pursue him. Auntie
has said it before: a loser boy-

friend’s greatest shortfall is his lover's poor judg-
ment.

=I=****

Dear Auntie Pearl: I saw your column when I
picked up a queer paper in a city where I was vis-
iting recently. It made me wish my town had a
queer paper!

Here’s my problem. this might sound simple, but it’s
not. I’ve been happy in a relationship for 5 years.
Last month, I started taking a photography class,
where I hit it off instantly with another student, “Ju-
lie”. She’s a dyke in a long-term relationship too. I
have to admit that I’m extremely attracted to Julie.
It’s clear to me that it’s mutual, and we’re both fight-
ing it. There are times I can hardly stand being near
her, but then I feel like I’ll go nuts if I don’t see her.
But I haven’t told anybody.

For her final photography project, Julie asked me if I
would pose for a series of nudes she’s shooting. Ju-
lie asked me in front of my lover, and nobody batted
an eye. My lover even encouraged me, because it
would help Julie be comfortable with her project!

I don’t know what the right thing is. There’s nothing
sexual about an artistic nude project. It might even
take the mystery out of it and make the attraction go
away. IfI live mv life avoiding doing things that are

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hands, kissing, sneezing, wrestlingorg

dancing. ' ‘ ‘
According to the Surgeon General,‘ 

your best protection against AIDS,"

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perfectly innocent and harmless, I
could end up resenting being in a
relationship. I don’t want that to
happen. Julie and I are both
adults, and nothing needs to hap-
pen if we don’t want it to. If I
wasn’t attracted to her, this would
be a natural thing to do, so why
shouldn’t I do her this favor? I
really think lesbians can rise
above jealousies and prossessive-
ness.

I don’t have anywhere else I can
discusss this, so I’d appreciate
your feedback. Should I pose for
Julie?

Tom in the Midwest

Dear Torn: No, but you will. So
when you kiss your lover good-
bye as you leave for the photo
shoot, remember that you’ve just
made a decision to end your re-
lationship.

If you had checked Auntie Pearl’s
Top Ten Tips Toward A Lasting
Relationship, you’d already know
that “Get naked with attractive
friends” is not on the list.

As Auntie’s niece, you are simply
not allowed to treat your re-
lationship so lightly. If you won’t
take your own queemess se-
riously, at least treat Julie’s life
with respect. Actively take steps
to lessen your lust. Get to know
her girlfriend. Have them both
show you their vacation photos.
Meet their families. Leam how
much Julie would lose if you
sleep together.

Attractions happen. They go
away. They’re never worth de-
stroying a happy relationship. If
you’re not happy, this isn’t the
way out.

If Julie still needs a nude model,
she can ask her lover. Or yours.

Copyright 1995 V

Deadline
for Copy and Ads
for the

September Issue is
July 31, 1995

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