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Out in the Mountains

LOOKING BOTH WAYS:
Closets are for T-Shirts

Mike Rothban

CUTTINGSVILLE -- My grandfather died last
week. My mom called in the early morning, woke
me up to let me know. I hung up, stumbled to the
closet and faced the first question of this new day.

Not how do I mourn? but what's a queen to wear?
I pushed the fancy evening gowns on their
hangers down to the far end of my closet. Dressy
enough, sure, but hopelessly inappropriate. Jeans?
Ski pants? A miniskirt? In the end, I had to call
back my mom, ask her to dig my old wool suit out
of the cedar closet. Last worn to my high school
prom, back when I thought men weren’t sexy.

That would cover the funeral. And for the rest of
the long black weekend? I dug through my t—shirt
drawer, searching for shirts with acceptable
slogans. CLINTON & GORE IN ‘92? Yes. If you
think my room ’s a mess, you should see my sex
life? No. GREENPEACE? Sure. That’s not a
banana in my pocket? Probably not.

Carrying my suitcase out to the car, I noticed my
bumper stickers as if for the first time. I frowned.
Then I reached to the ground, pulled up two
fistfuls of mud and splattered them across the

 

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fender until the I FEEL LIKE A NEW MAN: YOU’LL DO was
unreadable. “You know,” I explained, half out—loud, “Vermont in
April can be quite muddy.”

Many hours later, after two cute tollbooth operators and a quick
stop in Nebraska to study the map, I arrived in Philadelphia, the
city of brotherly love. I am out to my parents, actually. My
brothers. But not the extended family. “Over my dead body,” my
grandpa would have said, had he ever known. Even so, his burial
didn’t strike me as the best time to announce my queerness. At any
rate, we were all too busy wearing yarmulkes and reciting
incomprehensible prayers in Hebrew to contemplate the sex lives
of family members. That came later.

When I first came” out to my mom, I’d been out eight months. I
waited six weeks and then sat her down and fidgeted with my tea
cup until she stared at me with her Well? What is it already?
expression. “Ma,” I blurted, “I’m bisexual.”

Mom’s initial reaction was lukewarm. “I hope you’ll still have
kids,” she told me. And then, “please be careful.” The word AIDS
hung unspoken in the air between us. When I came out to my dad,
he said very little. But he started to take me to movies with gay
characters. A

After the burial, we returned to my uncle’s house. We had a
reception —— a big party for my grandpa on the one day we knew
he couldn’t make it. After fourteen aunts, cousins, and strangers
with familiar surnames asked me about my girlfriends, I managed
to snag my cousin Beth the lesbian and retreat into a private
corner. I then proceeded to ask her questions about her girlfriend.
Last summer, my parents warmly welcomed my partner into the
house, the family. In Beth’s house, the reception was icy.
Occasionally, her mother warmed up as far as chilly.

Beth and I sat eating bagels and other traditional Jewish comfort
food. I fiddled with my yarmulke. Beth turned to me: “I wish my
mom was as accepting as yours.”

“I wonder if my mother will be as welcoming when I bring home a
boy —— even a nice Jewish boy,” I replied.

“She couldn’t be less welcoming than mine.”

I thought awhile. Bisexuals have been accused at times of being
like the tide -- out one hour, in the next. I admit, it’d be easier for
me to remain closeted than if I were gay. Certainly there are bi’s
who choose to spend their lives checked into a coatroom. Yet the
same is true for some gays and lesbians.

For me, as a bisexual man dating a woman, the appearance of
conforming to het expectations necessitates an active, constant
process of outing myself. For a time, I considered having FAG
tattooed on my forehead. But I couldn’t decide on a color. Instead,
I flirt with my (straight male) roommate in the midst of a crowded
dance floor. I talk about my “partner” until it occurs to the other
party that she might not be female. (Once, it took three weeks for
this dweeb to catch on.) I speak out about being bi whenever I
can. I wear confusing t-shirts like: I'M NOT A DYKE, BUT MY
BOYFRIEND WAS.

After two more days of crying and feeling relieved I didn’t get that
tattoo, I fled back to the mountains. The first thing I did when I
returned home was march directly back into my closet. And I
pulled out a lovely dress.

Mike Rothbart lives outside Rutland and owns too many t-shirts.
He plans to come out to his grandfather in heaven. V

Losing Steam:
New Gay Play Getting Vermont
Premiere

Chris Tebbetts

BURLINGTON -- Tony Kushner's Angels in
America is perhaps the most important American
play in 50 years. Love, Valour, Compassion! by
Terrence McNally is one of the hottest tickets on
Broadway today. Both of those works, and
countless others, are part of what seems to be a gay
renaissance in theatre. Some of these plays are
winning prizes and others, less desirable notoriety.
Either way, it seems that so—called gay subculture
is turning into just plain culture. More and more,
Bob and Carol Consumer are getting a glimpse at
. "our" world through the eyes of the playwright.

Vermont, likewise, has seen a rise in the volume of

gay—themed works available to the public: last
year's Jefirey and actor/singer/DJ Craig Mitchell's
one—man show are a couple examples. Now add to
the pile, Losing Steam, a new play by Robert
Charles Gompers, being produced by the Green
Candle Theatre Company April 28, 29 and May 4,
5 and 6. '

The play concerns a triangle of three gay men and
the tangled web of friendship they weave. Director
Steven Sharp sees a dichotomy of uniqueness and
universality in their experience. "My approach," he
says, "is to try to avoid gay stereotypes and to
present these guys as human beings first." And yet,
the play is also a celebration of their gay lives. The
characters are completely comfortable in their
gayness, says Sharp. "They're also a little off the
wall —— and that's okay too."

While Sharp is the only openly gay member of

Green Candle (and also its President), he has had
no trouble finding support for this kind of work
here. The company's upcoming season also
includes A Closet Year, "a look at lesbianism
through time," by Vermont playwright Jan Donley.
In addition, Losing Steam will act as a benefit for

the Men's Health Project of Vermont CARES. A

portion of the proceeds will go to the Project,
which provides social and HIV/AIDS prevention
services in the gay and bisexual men's community..

Part of the mission of Green Candle is to do things
that have not been done before, and to push the
boundaries of what a general audience will go to
see. Sharp first saw Losing Steam on vacation in
North Carolina. While he enjoyed the play very
much, there were several people who walked out
that evening, uncomfortable with the frank dialogue
on such subjects as gay male sex and the world of
drag. "A lot of people have never seen a drag
queen on stage before," he notes. "If Bob and Carol
(or Bob and Steve) Consumer come and see this
and say that they've never seen anything like it

before —- that's a success!"

Losing Steam will be presented by the Green
Candle Theatre Company on April 28, 29, and
May 4, 5 and 6 at 8:00pm. Perfomiances will be in

Contois Auditorium in Burlington’s City Hall.

Tickets will cost a suggested donation of $5 - $10;
no one will be turned away for inability to pay. A
reception at Sweetwater’s Restaurant with
playwright Robert Charles Gompers will follow the
information or

April 28th performance. For
reservations, call (802)893-7333.

For infomtation on Men's Health Project, call

(802)863-2437. V

863-3808

Ellen Heatherington
I30 Prim Road .
Colchester, VT 05446

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