Out in the Mountains Martha and Be|inda’s Excellent Adventure: Part 1 Belinda Darcey A 10 day odyssey across America, as chronicled by 2 dykes in a 2-door for 2 long... Day 1. September 13, 1992. ETD 9 am. Delayed ‘til 10:10 am due to Martha’s insisting on bringing three times as much clothing as necessary (to avoid doing laundry en route - and she thinks I’m a princess!) After a valiant attempt to strap a bulging dufflebag to the roof, she took a helpful neighbor’s advice and repacked the entire contents in a completely ran- dom manner wherever they would fit. We now have socks in the_foodbox, t- shirts squeezed in beside the speakers and underwear under the seats. So much for a well-organized, hassle-free trunk. Lovely. But even this cannot dampen our spirits. Leaving West Hollywood this morning, Martha could not contain her- self. Spotting two fags arguing in a black Jeep in the next lane, she waved and yelled, “Hey! We’re moving!” The driv- er yelled back, “Yeah? Good for you honey! I wish to hell we were.” Dennis Miller would have been flattered if he’d heard how many times we screamed, “We...are...OU'ITA HERE!” today. Read OITM Monthly Where to Find OITM Bennlngton Bennir-gton Free Litxary Bennington College Bennington Library Record Rack Southe.n Vermont College Brattlcboro Brattleboro Food CoopCa.hoots Common Ground Everyone's Books Burlington B urlington College Chassman & Bern Fletcher Free Li Partners in Recovery & Growth Peace & J ustioe Center Pearls Planned Parenthood Castleton STEP Learning Center Craftsbury Craftsbury Public Library Center Rutland Rutland Area Gay/Lesbian Connection East Bamet Innwood Manor Around noon, Martha spotted our first “sisters”. Two rural dykes entering a road-side coffeeshop, as we were leaving it. I was mortified, because I was sure they heard her mumble her not-so-subtle ‘gaydar’ signal - “Hel-lo sister,” to me. (Imagine Kramer from “Seinfeld” in one of his suave moments.) Personally, I pre- fer to use the muffled siren-out-of-the- comer-mouth routine. Oh, the sights we have seen today, boys and girls! Someone lost a mattress off the back of a truck on the Hollywood Free- way. Two hundred yards later, the own- ers could be seen running back along the emergency lane, intent on retrieving it. Just how they would accomplish this feat was beyond us. We've also spotted no less than three station wagons with bags strapped to the roof, tarps a-billowing and luggage on the verge of taking flight. Then there was an accident thirty min- utes from the California border at Nee- dles. Martha was cursing because she was driving, and so couldn’t get a good look at the debris and possible victims. 1, of course didn’t look, preferring not to dwell on life’s tragedies, and instead at- tempted to make some sandwiches from the contents of the cooler wedged behind the driver’s seat. A word of advice: don_’t EVER try to make a meal while flying along a freeway at seventy miles an hour. East Hardwldr Greerihope Farm Fair Haven Fair Haven Free Li Hardwlck bmry Buffalo Mountain Coop Galaxy Books Lyndonville Jon's Automotive Project EXCEL, Lyndon State College Manchester Center . Northshire Bookstore Mlddlebury Middle Natural Food C Montpeliei.-wry GOP Bur Pond Books Horn of the Moon Cafe Rivendell Books Woman Centered Morrlsvllle Morristown Centennial Li Newfane bmy Moore Free Library Ne Northeast Kingdom AIDS Coalition It does not save time. In fact, we spent more time fighting, apologizing, and consoling each other, than we would have if we’d stopped the damn car for five minutes and pulled everything out onto a nice spacious picnic table. Not to mention the added stress to the driver when the only view she has is of a big ol’ butt. We finally pulled into a rest area and hauled the cooler and hamper out onto a hot concrete picnic table. Even in the shade, it felt like 120 degrees. I endured a long lecture regarding my Attitude On the Road while Martha downed half the Pepperidge Farm cookies - resulting in a speech that would be incomprehensible to the average Joe. Unfortunately, after three years with her, I could, like many a skilled dental technician, decipher pre- cisely what she was saying. Nothing but sandy, barren hills and the endless road before us. But at least the air conditioner works and there's no more smog. No if only we could agree on a tape...I’m sick of hearing her Springsteen, and she’s not ready for my Australian folk songs. Three more hours to Flagstaff, then half an hour to Sc- dona, and since I booked it, I’m prayin’ the hotel’s not a dive. 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