Paranoia in
a Public School

Carol

Working in a public school is a great way
to enhance your paranoia if you’re a les-
bian.

When I started teaching in this suburban
Vermont elementary school I was irnmedi—
ately impressed by the strong support
among the staff. This was apparent on a
personal as well as a professional level.
These people plarmed Christmas parties,
end-of-the-year parties, attended each oth-
er’s weddings, AND listened to and tried
out new teaching ideas. My previous job

had involved a huge caseload and a great.

deal of traveling, which precluded any in-
volvement other than the requisite “Hi!
How are you? Here’s my schedule. See
you next week.” This new job was a pos-
itive working environment - what a gift.

I attended Christmas parties (alone), went
to baby showers and housewarmings, and
cooked for potlucks. As a shy person, this
was a comfortable way for me to get to
know some of my colleagues. I could sit
back and listen, and occasionally throw in
a wisecrack or share an experience. Small
things can have a big effect on professional
interactions. When people feel that they
know each other, they can often work well

together. It also just feels good to have
someone at work ask how your dog is, or if
you’ve gotten the plumbing fixed or your
dental work scheduled. “This is good,” I
thought, “I’m finding some balance in my
life; people care.”

Then I came out (to myself) as a lesbian.

I began to listen more closely to conversa-
tions at work to see if anyone had gay or
lesbian friends or relatives. Well, if they
did, they didn’t talk about them. There was
discussion of famous entertainers, “He’s a
fag!”, and of infamous teachers, “They
might hire her at the town high school to
teach P.E.; she’s queer! How’d you like to
have her watching your lcid take a show-
er?” This began to move from being un-
comfortable to being hunful. (P.S. they
didn’t hire her.)

So what would happen if I were to come
out at work? A quick review of my con-
tract revealed that a teacher can be dis-
missed for what is vaguely described as
conduct unbecoming a teacher. This is de-
termined by the school board, whose elect-
ed members represent local popular opin-
ion (and, apparently, moral standards). I
like my job; it's a career I sought out and
I’m good at it. Risking the loss of it is not
something I’m prepared to do.

I find myself attending lesbian events rath-
er than Christmas parties or other after

a
V

announce

THE

2 Church Street

860-7454

SUSAN MCKENZIE MS
ELLEN KIRSCHNER CSW
MARJORIE ROBLIN CSW

the joining of their practices
and the opening of

Burlington, Vermont

April 1992

work social events. I don’t have the energy
to speak out at work against the subtle and
not-so-subtle bigotry, worry about the pos-
sible consequences, and also do my job
well. Do you remember the scene in Liarma
where she is gently rebuked by her lover for
publically embracing her? It would be dif-
ferent, she is told, if they were just friends.
But they are not. It would be different if I
were straight or if my career were not at
risk. But I'm not and it is.

Every year a facsimile of an 1800’s broad-
side appears in the teacher’s lunch room;
it’s entitled Rules for Teachers, and lists a
number of proscribed activities for teachers
of that day. Teachers could be dismissed if
they were caught playing cards, dancing, or
traveling after dark. The intent is humorous,
but the reality is serious. How far have we
come?

For now, I express myself in safe environ-
ments. I share my experiences, my ap-
prehensions, and my joys with straight and
lesbian friends. I call the Sate House anon-
ymously to urge passage of S 131. When
the parking attendant eonversationally asks
where I’ve gone that evening, I tell him
about a lesbian cartoonist and show him my
Dykes to Watch Out for calendar. These are
not bold declarations, but I've always been
a rather private person. Right now this is
the most effective way for me to be out
safely, maintain my privacy, and ward off
the paranoia demons. V

E

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Dr. Mary C. Spicer

are proud to announce the opening

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