distinguished career in social work here
in Vermont. For the last fifteen years,
she worked for the Vermont State Agen-
cy of Human Services, the last twelve
years as a social worker for the De-
partment of Social Welfare, and most re-
cently in the Reach Up program. Helen
had a close personal and professional
bond with her co-oworkers, who will
miss her calming strength, her ex-
traordinary commitment to the progress
of her clients, and her creative, in-
telligent approach to problem solving.

Helen is survived by her close friend and
companion, Camila Thibodeau of Bur-
lington; her daughter, Katherine Leone
McHenry of Belmont, Massachusetts;
her son, Alexander Bruce McHenry of
Burlington; her brother and sister-in—law,
William Andrew and Ayako Hutchins of
Fresno, California; her former husband,
Stewart G. McHenry of Shelbume; her
colleagues and many friends.

Helen, who was proud of her midwest
Scottish origins, was often disarming in
her frank openness and her feisty ad-
vocacy for causes she believed in. Often
on the front lines, Helen was willing to
take risks by challenging her friends, her
co-oworkers, and the public to examine
new ways of thinking. She was par-
ticularly supportive of people’s choices
of different lifestyles. She was a doer
more than a talker, putting time and ef-
fort into projects that expressed her view
of what was needed to make the world
around her better. She fonned the Les-
bian Cancer Support Group when she
found that coming out in a straight can-
cer support group would take too much
time and energy, and the risk necessary
to trust was too great. The Lesbian Can-
cer Support Group (see letter last issue)
includes the significant others of les-
bians with cancer. Her friends will miss
her dry humor, her unconditional gen-
erosity, and most especially her spirited
sociability.

Donations in her memory may be made
to OutRight Vennont, PO Box 4175,
Burlington, VT 05406. V

An Invisible Death
by Cheri Goldstein

(The following is factual. Fred & Ted are
pseudonyms.)

Fred is now a faceless statistic. It was the
way he chose to die. The few that knew
him understood this. And although or
maybe because his life seemed to not
matter, his death had varied effects on
those who noticed its passing.

“He lived alone and he died alone and
that had a profound effect on me,” said
Reverend Richard Forcier of the man he
gave counsel to for five months. Fred was
the first person Rich had ever become ac-
quainted with who had AIDS.

“He came to me as a referral - but I had
also requested (from Central Vermont
Home Health’s Hospice Program) to start
dealing with AIDS clients. I guess I had
selfish motives for my request. As a min-
ister I have dealt ‘with the sick and dying
but I felt this was different. The folks
with most diseases always seem to hold
out some line of hope for a cure - even
people with terrible cancers. But people
in the later stages of AIDS don’t have
that hope now. It is different for them.”

“Mostly what I had dealt with before
Fred were the families after the person
had already died. And in the end - fam-
ilies usually lie... or at least shade the
truth. You never geta realistic view of
what the person was like.”

Rick continues,‘”I'his was a particularly
difficult case for me. He was a very self
absorbed person. His life partner, Ted, had
died of AIDS in the previous year and
Fred was left without a support system.
Ted wad the outgoing one, the one with
the friends, the connections. Fred never
had put any of that together for himself.
He didn’t seem to have a sense of com-
munity. Over the years he put his energies
into his relationship with Ted and, after
Ted died, Fred just became self—absorbed.
Fred never seemed to be living with AIDS
- he was always dying from it.”

“It was sort of strange, the group of pro-
fessionals who were caring for him be-
carrre his family. He really had no contact
with his family of origin. But I guess that

was how he wanted it. He even told the
priest who performed his funeral not to
speak more than three minutes about
him.”

Another one of his caretakers ex-
plained,“I’ve been in hospice work for 10
years now and have been with many
folks as they are dying. People seem to
die as they live. Fred lived an isolated
life and died alone. It was like he was ac-
quainted with his neighbor's pets - but
not with his neighbors. his death was the
way I thought it might be - it was the
way he wanted it to be - but it still made
me feel badly. And that was just my re-
action.”

To Rich, it wasn't just one man’s death
that struck him, but also a death that
seemed invisible. “I don't think anyone
really knew him. I was one of the only
people who just talked to him. And there
were lots of times I was too protective of
him, almost too tender. I was afraid to
push him on some of his thoughts. In the
end, no one really seemed to know him.
Yet, I did learn a lot about myself.” V

 
   

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