AIDS and t e Serious Relationship(fromprecedingpage)

couples decide to go through the process. A
couple considering testing should ask
themselves if they are prepared to handle
the results.

If you are getting tested and hoping for
a negative test so you can practice unpro-
tected sex, how will you deal if one or both
come back positive? Will the relationship
survive a positive test and all the stress that
goes along with it?

How would you feel if your lover
tested positive? Would you be supportive
and want to continue the relationship, or
would your fears for your own health or the
uncertainty of being in a relationship with
someone with HIV cause you to back off?
Would you rather know or not know? How
would he react if you were positive? How
would you feel if he left you under those
circumstances?

What if you both come back positive?
Would you try to blame each other? Would
you be afraid that AIDS might overwhelm
your relationship, or that one of you might
not be there for the other if he were to
become sick? Could your relationship
handle that level of intense emotion?

(A couple who both test positive
should also continue to practice safer sex -

there are indications that re-infection with
the virus may increase chances of develop-
ing illness. As well, unprotected sex may
allow transmission of other infectious
agents that may be harmful to an immune-
suppressed person.)

Talk about it honestly with each other.
Explore your feelings about the depth of
your relationship, and how that would stand
up to something as challengingas apositive
HIV test.

If you decide to go ahead and get
tested, you need to wait at least six months
from the time that you last had any unpro-
tected sex (or shared a needle), because the
antibodies can take that long to develop
after time of infection. That period is abso-
lutely non-negotiable for the results to be
meaningful — six months after the last time.
For that period, you need to continue to
practice safer sex and use condoms for
intercourse — no shortcuts. (And if you
aren't willing to wait six months, maybe it
isn't that serious a relationship anyway).

Many public health people would
advise you to wait another six months and
thenhave another test before going ahead
with unprotected sex. They note that even
though the overwhelming majority of

people infected with this virus develop
antibodies within six months of infection, a
small percentage of people take slightly
longer. (While the numbers cannot be pre-
cisely determined, it seems that 98 or 99%
would test positive within six months). A
gay man with significant risk history, espe-
cially relatively recent history, may want
another test before believing those results.

If you both have negative tests, and
you feel confident in the accuracy of the
results, then you can fairly confidently treat
all sex with each other as safe sex.

Let's face it, not every couple is ready
for such a rigorous procedure, but if you
decide not to be tested, or if you have
“discordant” (one positive, one negative)
tests, or both have positive test results, you
can still remain sexually active within your
relationship. Safer sex does not mean no
sex, and your physical, emotional and

romantic relationship can still develop and ,

grow with the security offered by safer sex.
When you are really in love, is a little piece
of latex really that big an obstacle?

Part of the AIDS epidemic has in-
volved learning how to protect and take
care of each other. That lesson needs to
include those closest to us — our lovers.

  

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