Out in the Mountains

From the Editor:

The Month of Love  Debate on Marriage

Fred Kuhr

WINOOSKI -- February is usually
described as the month of Love; so narrred
not for its unique brevity (though I am sure
some of the un—Valentined are thankful for
a mere 28 days), but for St. Valentine’s Day
which occurs smack dab in the middle.
Although I try to steer clear of heart-shaped
boxes full of chocolates (OK, maybe just
one vanilla creme), I cannot help but be
reminded of what for many, straight and
gay alike, is the next logical step after Love
—— Marriage.

Same sex marriage is not currently a legal
option, but many gay and lesbian couples
are choosing to declare their love and
commitment in front of many friends and
family. 1995 may be a pivotal year in this
legal battle; the state of Hawaii may very
well become the first state to legally
recognize same sex marriages while a long
fought court battle in Washington, D.C.,
may yield a similar result for our nation’s
capitol. What will Vermont do once the
issue reaches our courts? The courts will
have a tough time deciding if our own
community is not decided on the issue.
Here are some thoughts...

Livin’ like hets  First, let us get all the
negatives out of the way. Same sex
marriage is the most extreme form of
cultural assimilation gays and lesbians will
ever know. Marriage is based upon a
patriarchal structure that is anti—woman and
therefore anti—lesbian. And marriage never
solves anything anyway when 50% of all
marriages end in divorce. Besides, we
should not want the government telling us
what kind of relationships we should have.
And we should not want the government
involved in telling us how we should break
up either. All same sex marriage would do
is show the hets that we are giving in to
mainstream (read “strar'ght”) society.

Feel better?  Now, let us give it some
thought, Same sex marriages, historians
such as John Boswell have discovered,
were practiced in Europe long before the
good ol’ U.S. of A. was even a gleam in
Christopher Columbus’ eye. Marriage, over
time, did fall victim to a patriarchal society,
and a week of Ricki Lake and Oprah will
prove that marriage is still misunderstood
and misused by many heterosexual people.
The point is that marriage in and of itself is
not a bad thing; it is what you make of it,
“for better or worse,” just like any
relationship.

r.)

Legal, Schmegal  No matter how many
Holy Unions and Commitment
Ceremonies we have, we are still not
legally protected. Straight people take so
many laws for granted because they come
signed, sealed, and delivered to their door
on their wedding day. The time and
expense of wills, durable powers of
attorney, and cohabitation contracts are a
concern because many gays and lesbians

do not have the time and money to legally '

protect themselves. What happens when a
same sex spouse dies unexpectedly? The
remaining spouse has no legal relationship
other than “roommate”. The situation gets
uglier when the parents of the deceased,
who may not have even known the nature
of the relationship, come in to claim what is
legally theirs as next of kin.

The Youth of Today  In a story that Out
magazine ran last year about gay and
lesbian youth, a 15 year old gay male,
while discussing the need to address gay
youth issues, said, “People don’t kill
themselves over domestic partnership.”
While this simple statement may be true, a
relationship does exist. Gay and lesbian
teens commit suicide at a higher rate than
straight teens. This is partially due to the
feeling of never being able to lead a
“normal” life, a feeling that he or she is
doomed to a loveless and lonely life. If
same sex marriage were legally recognized,
teens would know of one more way in
which they are not as different as they think
they are, that a “normal” life is possible if
they want it.

Pro-choice  Probably the most important
aspect of this debate for us to remember as
individuals in a community is that getting
married should be a matter of choice. Even
if same sex couples could legally marry,
you and your partner could opt not to.
Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, straights,
transgenders, everybody should have the
choice of whether or not to get married.
Straight people have that choice and we do
not. That is not only unfair, but degrading.

Families are" the building blocks of our
society, whoever you consider your family
to be. The government and the law have a
moral obligation to recognize us, our
relationships, and our families. We are all
human beings and we all need to be treated
with dignity. And if a difference does exist
between same sex and variant sex couples,
the difference is we can do it better. V