IT YOUR

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Dear Auntie Pearl: I am an avid reader
of your column in the Dallas Voice. I
met and fell in love with a younger
person after having been with my
previous lover for sixteen years. He is
twenty-nine and I am fifty-five. Since
we have been together I have gotten him

two cars, bought him jewelry, and until
recently he has not worked.

 

There is no communication; we can sit
here for hours and say basically nothing.
IfI ask a question he will answer and
that is it. However, if the phone should
ring, he can carry on a conversation
with his friends in a pleasant manner
and as soon as he finishes he goes back
into the withdrawn mode.

I have confronted him about this and he
says I am imagining this. When I try to
discuss things with him it gets abusive
and sometimes physical. Friends have
heard this and said time and time again I
should get out as I am only being used
as I make a fairly decent salary and take
care of everything!

We only had sex three times last year
and have not had it at all this year. When
I go out I am accused of going out to
have sex with someone else. This is not
true; because of diseases, I am afraid to.
When I ask him why there is no sex the
only reply I get is that he is not a sexual
person and after that he says nothing.
There was a time when I thought there
was someone else but now I am
convinced that this is not the case as he
is always home.

He says that he does love me but I just
don’t know. I know I love him and
desire very much for our relationship to
be more than a roommate situation. He
says we are not roommates but lovers; I
just do not know! I really do need some
help and advice. Please answer
soon!!!!!! —- Deeperate

Dear Desperate: Oh, Auntie is just
tickled to know she can save you some
serious cash. Simply get out your ’
dictionary. Look up “charity”. If
boyfriend’s name is not there, it’s time
to find something deductible - and
grateful - to contribute to.

This isn’t a relationship. It’s a time
bomb. If abuse has already begun, the
fuse has been lit. End it. Now.

As sure as you’re Auntie Pearl’s
nephew, you deserve better than this. If
your “lover” is determined to make your
interactions less stimulating than an
evening with the cast at Madame
Tussaud’s, he isn’t worth dusting off and
checking for vital signs.

You can’t get what you want from
someone who doesn’t have it to give — no
matter how much you pay him. The only

May 1994

thing Auntie wants you to buy this fellow
is a ticket to his life. You’re doing him no
favors by letting him hide from the
world. Comb his hair, check his fly, teach
him to wave bye—bye, and show him the
door

Dear Auntie Pearl: I have a problem I
hope you can help solve. I’m still in love
with my ex “Sam”. I have dated since we
broke up, it’s been 7 months. But I
haven’t been truly happy.

Sam and I are still friends and she’s with
someone else, but we still fool around
sometimes. I don’t know what to do. She
says she still cares about me but I don’t
know what to do. If she was truly happy
with her new flame then why is she
fooling around with me? Hope you can
help. Looking For Answers

Dear Looking For Answers: Just what

_ is it that makes you think Sam isn’t “truly

happy”? Auntie can hear old Sam
laughing all the way to her next conquest.
As long as Sam has a relationship and a
mistress, let’s not fret terribly much about
her level of satisfaction, shall we?

Auntie sees nothing but heartache for you
in this set up. You’ve gone from being
Sam’s lover to being the other woman.
Don’t think for a moment that this will
bring her back to you. Hang onto a thread
of hope this thin, and it will unravel
quicker than Sam can betray trust.

While you’re looking for answers, take a
look around for your pride. Sam fools
around with you because she can. The
sooner you give‘Sam her walking papers,
the sooner you’ll be “truly happy”. Don’t
make Auntie come down there and separate
you two. It would not be pretty. V

Psychosynthesis

(802) 254 -8032

MICHAEL GIGANTE, PH.D.

Counseling & Therapy

15 Myrtle St., Brattleboro, VT 05301

P.O. Box 247

04/94

David W. Curtis
ATTORNEY AT LAW

HOFF, CURTIS, PACHT, CASSIDY & FRAME, P.C.
100 Main Street

Burlington, VT 05402-0247

802-864-4531