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Xiimiia piwu.
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Copyright 1993

Dear Auntie Pearl,

I’m in a dilemma and I’m turning to you

because I don’t want to talk to anyone —
especially a doctor — about this. Besides,
you always have all the answers and I
know you’ll say it as it is.

I’ve performed anal sex but never been
penetrated. I’m curious about it and want
to try it, but I heard it’s very unhealthy.
Is it true that it’s not only extremely
painful, but it leads to hemorrhoids
and/or can cause the anus to lose its
elasticity, resulting in uncontrollable
bowel movements? What are the facts?
Am I destined to limit myself as a top
forever and feel that I’m missing out on
some fun, or should Ijust do it and live
with the consequences later on? What’s a
gay guy to do?

Half A Virgin
Dear Half A Virgin,

If those are your only concerns, go for it.
Yes, it can be painful for a novice, but if
you follow Auntie’s advice, you’ll know
the ins and outs of this in no time.

The key is to relax, which your body will
gladly do once it learns how much fun
relaxation can be. You’re going to be the
teacher. When you masturbate, insert a
lubed finger. Increase insertion time and
depth at your own pace with each session.
Work up to a small soft dildo. Use a
condom on the dildo — rubber can emit
toxins. And don’t put anything in there
that’s small enough to slip out of sight.

Rest assured that this won’t loosen up

_anything but your possibilities. Those

happy little muscles are designed to
expand and contract. They can actually
get stronger with use. Hemorrhoids
happen when you strain, but you’re
learning to relax. Aren’t you.

Your first top must be someone you
know, whom you trust to stop when you
ask. Tell him it’s your first time. Be sure
he’s been a bottom too, and you’ll avoid
the cowboys who just want their saddle
horns shined, regardless of your comfort.
Always use a lubed condom.

Now Auntie must express her dismay
that you’ve had these concerns, yet
you’ve been a top yourself. It’s beyond
your Auntie Pearl how you were able to
perform acts which you thought might
do damage to a lover. Never assume a
partner knows more about safety just
because he knows more about sex.

The best information for you is in Anal
Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin (Yes
Press 1986). Have fun!

Your Auntie Pear!

Dear Auntie Pearl,

I’ve been dealing with this problem
every year for the last 4 years. My
lover, “Janis”, refuses to go home with
me to my parents’ for Thanksgiving
and Christmas. She says it’s because
I’m not out to them, and she can’t be
“fully there”.

It’s not like my relationship with my
parents is close. All we do is watch t.v.
and eat, so it’s not like there’s any
chance to even talk aboutour personal
lives. I need Janis there to keep me sane.
Janis always wants us to do holidays at
our place, without my family, but if we
did that, I’d have to explain, and I can’t
come—out to them. So I always go home,
and Janis goes to big lesbian community
meals for all the stragglers that have no
place else to go. I don’t see why she
would choose to be away from me, when
my parents wouldn’t question bringing a
friend home. My brothers and sisters
bring friends home all the time. I want
Janis to have faces to put with all the
names. It would bring us closer.

The argument is starting again this year.
Please give me your opinion.

Tired of it All

Dear Tired,

Alright. Auntie will read this back to
you: You want Janis to spend her
holidays lying to boring strangers
instead of feasting with all the available
dykes in town? What was the question?

It’s obvious to Auntie § and surely to
Janis — that you don’t care a spit about

15

December 1993

spending Thanksgiving and Christmas
with your partner. Because whether
she’s home alone or at your folks’, she
won’t be with you. Your reasons for
wanting to be together are selfish.

If what you really want is to share these
holidays with Janis, your family can’t be in
the picture unless you come out. If you
can’t be out, face the fact that you’re
among the many who must repeatedly
choose between family and a lover. A wise
closet manager divides her time. But in
your case, the family always wins out.
How long do you think Janis will take
this?

Auntie isn’t telling you to come out.
She’s telling you to grow up. It’s time to
admit that you can’t have it all, and that
it’s not Janis’ job to fix it. Continue to
treat Janis as second best and one day she
won't be there to help you eat the
leftovers.

Your Auntie Pearl

Write Your Auntie Pearl appears in
publications nationwide. Send your
questions or comments to: Auntie Pearl
PO Box 4156 Burlington VT 05406. 7

  
   

  

Outright Vermont

In many traditions, this
time of year is marked
with celebrations of light,
a symbol of hope and
possibilities. We at
Outright Vermont
work to help bring that
hope into reality by
creating safe places for
gay, lesbian, bisexual,
and questioning young
people. In this season of
giving, we hope that you
value the work that we do
and that you are willing to
contribute your financial
support so that we may
continue to do this
important work. If you
are able to support us in
this way, please call us,
or send your check to:

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