Out in the Mountains

Martha and Belinda’s Excellent Adventure: Part 8

Staunton, VA to Harrisburg, PA

Belinda Darcy

This morning Martha greeted me wearing
one of the new red flannel shirts we
bought in Kansas for Vermont. Since we
are officially entering East Coast territory
today, she felt it was appropriate. I de-
cided to join her, and we both walked out
to the car grinning at each other, feeling
VERY Vermont in our new duds. We
were encouraged by a call from her sister
last night, telling us to get our butts to
Burlington A.S.A.P., because she had
found a fantastic apartment for us.

We got lost looking for gas, but finally
found ourselves tooling up the famous
“Skyline Drive” through the Blue Ridge
Mountains., a mediocre breakfast from
Ho—Jo’s settling in our stomachs. The
views were amazing. Blue mountains in
every direction, and you could see for-
ever. I started singing Counu'y Roads and
Martha joined in, yelling, “West Virginia,
Mountain Mama-ah...take me
home...Country Roads!”. Unfortunately,
we were not the only ones interested in
seeing nature's magnificence that day.
When we were not crawling along behind
Bud and Shirley’s RV, we were dodging
motorcyclists travelling as a group, weav-
ing in and around us on the tiny two-lane

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road. At about the 12:11 lookout point, '

Martha carefully suggested that perhaps,

‘ by now, we had enough photos of the

panoramic vistas. We were also feeling
quite nauseous from the twisting, wind-
ing road and were falling way behind
schedule. We took the first exit and hit
the highway.

We zipped through West Virginia, (pass-
ing many a gun shop I might add), and
made it to Hershey, PA in time for the
last tour of the day. I loved the street
lamps disguised as Hershey Kisses along
Chocolate Blvd. and the signs saying,
“Welcome to Hershey, Pennsylvania! The
Sweetest Place on Earth!” But the factory
tour was a major letdown. Martha had
been telling me all day about how the lit-
tle carriages crank you along past gigantic
vats of thick, smooth milk chocolate, and
all the samples the give you.

Well. It seems that management had
made some changes. No more real life
demos with all those expensive workers
in haimets. Not even a live human as a
host. Now everything is done on giant
video screens, with a game show host’s
voice-over droning on about how the
consistency of the mix is measured, etc. ,
as if THAT was why people took this

tour. You still get to ride in a cute little
brown plastic capsule (almost everything
here was brown) , and they’ve managed
to find a way to pump the smell of fresh-
ly made chocolate throughout the ride,
but other than that it’s a real yawn. The
sample (note the singular) that you get at
the end is a mere mouthful, (Bar None in-

deed). It's just enough to get you in the .

mood, before you exit into - surprise, sur-
prise, - the Hershey supermarket! Racks
and racks of really ugly T-shirts, poly-
ester children’s sweat pants, and badly
fitting baseball caps (Martha’s pet peeve:
“Look at that! The front is all pouchy.
Christ, I look like an old geezer at a ball
game.”). The designs were so uninspiring
and bland. I have never seen a business
in such dire need of F.D.A. (Fag Design
Assistance). We wanted to buy things.
We'd even set aside money in our travel
budget specifically for this excursion. It
was really disappointing, considering all
the possibilities they have, and the cap-
tive audience. I was hoping for a beach
towel, or a lunch box, or maybe a pillow-
case covered in Hershey Kisses. I think
we ended up buying an eraser and some
pencils for a nephew, but that was it. Did
I mention we were disappointed? V

To be continued.

B LAC KWOOD
A N D Eileen M. Blackwood
 ‘ Pamela Kraynak

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