Out in the Mountains

Write
Auntie Pearl

Copyright 1993
Dear Auntie Pearl,

In the past year, my lover of 5 years,
“Jenny” has gone from fit to fat. She
used to have a volleyball game every
week, and she’d go to the gym regularly.
She’d also make big organic vegetarian
meals with me. Now she hardly wants to
do anything but rent videos and eat junk
food. I figure this is her option, but the
truth is that I’m not attracted to her this
way. I know I’m P.I., but I can’t help it.

We used to have great sex, and not just
in the infatuation stage. And now I have
detailed fantasies about all the jocks I see
around town. I’d never breakup our
home over sex, but I’m more worried
about this all the time. It would be selfish
and useless to just tell Jenny I don’t find
her attractive. I have to find a way to live
with this. How do I do that without let-
ting on?

Southwest Shallow Jerk
Dear Southwest,

Darling, there are no secrets in the bed-
room. As sure as I’m your favorite Aunt-
ie, Jenny knows she doesn’t flip your
flannel nightie like she used to. If Jen-
ny’s new weight did not accompany a
lifestyle change, we might assume that
she is simply maturing into her body.
But Auntie suspects there is_ more to this
than natural physical blossoming. It is
your job to find out the facts.

Instead of distracting yourself from the
real issue by focusing on your guilt,
think about Jenny. What’s different about
this year? How does she feel about herself?

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About her life? About you? It’s time to re-
acquaint yourself with your lover.

Romance this woman. Auntie doesn’t
care if you want to or not. Depending on
finances, take her to Aruba, or shut off
the t.v. for a week. Once you two break
free of your daily routine, you’ll re-
member why you fell in love with her,
and she’ll let you know if anytl1ing’s
troubling her. If the vacation goddess’
magic doesn’t fix this, it will be time to
call in a professional couples counselor.
Jenny deserves your loving attention, not
your avoidance.

And for Auntie’s sake, don’t kick your-
self for noticing pretty things. Fantasies
are healthy and fun as long as they don’t
demand a monogamous commitment.

Your Auntie Pearl

Dear Auntie Pearl,

I've been wild for my boyfriend since
the second I saw him two months ago.
He’s gorgeous, brilliant, and a real gen-
tleman. One problem. Sex. Next to him,
Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm looks
kinky. I made the mistake of mentioning
this to my friends. You know that
“Shave and a Haircut” knock? My so-
clever friends call my lover “Hug and a
hand job, two cents.” Trouble is, that
about covers our sex live.

Sex aside, I think this guy’s the one, so I
don’t want to say something to ruin it.

But I have my needs. Help a boy stay

true!

Randy in Dixie
Dear Randy,

Your mouth does have a secondary pm.
pose: talk! You cannot tell Auntie this is
the love of your life before you have the
What Do You Like discussion. For all
you know, Rebecca has spent these
months wondering how a fine catch like
you can be such a sexual dud. He may
have notions you never imagined.

On the other hand, if your hero faints at
first mention of your favorite practices,
it’s best you find out you’re incompatible
now — BEFORE you call the bridal reg-
istry at Williams and Sonoma.

And, dear Randy, surely it crossed your
mind that this gent may think this is the
only safer sex technique. If so, get thee
to a safer sex pamphlet and read it to-
gether. If he still feels secure only with
the barber's basics, you must respect that
and then consider whether it’s enough
for you.

Regardless of his response to your KIND
AND PATIENT discourse, Auntie re-
minds you that SOME people use sexual
dissatisfaction as a handy shield between
them and intimacy. You decide: do you
want a life with Mr. Right, or a lifestyle
of looking for him?

Your Auntie Pearl

Write Your Auntie Pearl appears in pub-
lications nationwide. Send your ques-
tions or comments to: Auntie Pearl Box
4156 Burlington VT 05406.

tai Q
00“ D

Carol Skon
R.D.1 Box 1930 Fatrfax.Vt. 05454 802-524-4574

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Claudia Cook

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