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December 1990

 

 

Losing a Loved One

Dear OITM:

I am a gay white male who has a gay
lover, and we have been together for the
past 17 years. Just four months ago my
lover had to go into the hospital for an
operation. We came to find out he had
cancer. The operation came out fine.

I had my lover back home with me for
a little over a month, then I had to take him
back to the hospital once more. We took
him from the hospital here in Middlebury to
Burlington for more tests and found out that
the cancer has gone all through him. I was
told by his doctor that he is dying, so he is
no strong drugs to keep the pain down.

Now I have to take it one day at a time.
We have no close friends where we live
because after they found we were gay we
were called "fags" by what friends we did
have, and being so far out in the country, if
there are gays around here, they are hiding.

Well, I have been going to a counsel-
ing service in Burlington because of past
troubles and they sent me to Vermont
C.A.R.E.S. because I felt all alone trying to
deal with all of this. [was scared because all
of the people I had tried to talk to were all
straight and they didn't even want to help
me when I just needed someone to talk to.

But C.A.R.E.S. took me right under
their wing. I didn't think there were that
kind of people here in Vermont, but they
knew what I was trying to deal with and I
just want to thank them all for being so nice
and understanding to me.

People, I have still got to deal with
being left all alone after the death of my
lover, but I feel at this point with the help I
am getting from C.A.R.E.S. and my coun-
selor and the love of these people, I will be
able to handle it. I just wanted to say I now
know how other gays feel being alone and
trying to deal with hard times. If they need

DESKTOP PUBHSHING STUDIO
TYPE 8: DESIGN/WORKSHOPS/SELF-SERVICE

someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on at
times, Vermont C.A.R.E.S. is the place to
go. And if I could help gays in the Addison
County area that just want to talk, I will try
to be there to help them through their down
times.

I now know what gays are going
through when they are losing a loved one to
AIDS.

A Gay Friend Always,

Wayne D. Bannister

Middlebury, Vermont

Dear 017 ‘M:

My name is Serena Dickson, and I am
20 years old. Recently I returned home
from a two-week stay at Central Vermont
Hospital's "mental health unit." For the first
week and a half, I found my stay there very
restful and beneficial for me and my life-
long questto find areason to live. I have my
reason - simply because I'm alive. I love my
community; my community loves me; and
I can be a positive female role model for
youth (lesbian and non-lesbian alike).

But on Wednesday of my second
week, I came out in our group therapy
session. Everyone fell silent, and one per-
son in the group walked out, muttering
something about lesbians and queers. He
felt that he could not be in the same room
with me, and later told me that, given the
chance, he would shoot me (giving explicit
details about how, when, and where).

I was left to stand on my own. Not even
the nurse or the clinician present during
therapy would attempt to calm this man
down or even acknowledge my coming out.

If mental health care "professionals"
will not stand up to, confront, or even ac-
knowledge this ignorance, how can any-
body truly get "well?" If I were not so
(continued on next page)

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