Out in the Mountains by Hugh Coyle For many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people, the holidays present an interesting paradox: they are at once a celebration of the closeness and comfort we feel when reunited with friends and family, and yet they are also often an occasion when dis- tance and discomfort reintroduce them- selves into our lives. This holds true for closeted as well as out individuals; some- times there is just no telling who will show up for that festive dinner, or what political and social beliefs those guests may bring along with the eggnog and plum pudding. Several years ago, I was briefed by my parents prior to the holiday dirmer as to the topics which should not and would not be mentioned at the holiday dinner table. In- cluded among them were religion, the environmental movement, and nuclear weaponry. At that point, politics of any sort was a given. With each passing year, I feel as though the list grows longer, until I now look forward to an afternoon in which I have very little left to talk about with my family and their friends. Though my par- ents know I am gay, other relatives have been kept in the dark, so furtive glances will be exchanged when my grandmother asks if I've met "the right woman" yet, or if my uncle asks just what it is I do with all my spare time out there in the mountains of Vennont. In each instance, I now realize,to an- swer with silence would be to lie. In the past it was easy to ignore such questions, or to answer them with some semblance of truthfulness. Oh, certainly I'd met "the right woman;" I just wasn't in love with her like I was with that "perfect man" who had walked onto the scene in recent months. As for the rest of my life, it was about as interesting as silence itself, and as such was appropriately accounted for by a shrug of the shoulders or tilt of the head. This winter, however, silence trans- lates into denial, and a request to remain mute on issues which are now very much a part of my life reads like the kind of state- ment one is forced to sign under a fascist regime: ‘'1, (your name here), do solemnly swear thatl did not live the life I did over the past year; that all thoughts, feelings, and actions previously attributable to me were, in fact, not my own; that, in fact, I did not exist or act in the world as it is in any meaningful way other than to take meals in silence each day." jjpe for the Holidays So, as a gay man, I am faced with: dilemma: do I acknowedge my filial dutie: and show up for Christmas dinner like: good boy on December 25, hiding all th details of what makes my life so wonder. fully extraordinary at the moment; or, do! show up as a fully-grown man readym espouse passionately on issues such as AIDS education and domestic partnership: while everyone tries to sip their coffee? The answer is neither; I come as my. self. We gather together as family to cele brate and enjoy our togetherness, and! refuse to play the politically correct vig- ilante who monitors all conversation fa inappropriate terminology. This does not mean my very presence will make the at- mosphere any less charged; I simply wil not be the one to throw the switch thi electrifies everyone at the table. In a sense, I don't HAVE to be the one to throw that switch. It's amazing how many opporttmities there are for othersta do that for me. After all, the holidays are: time to talk about love, to celebrate friend ships and relationships. The subject is just destined to come up. And once the magic questions DO get asked, once those furtive glances ARE cast around the place settings, the result willie a firm acknowledgement of the truth. Na evasive, not explosive - but solid and sure The holidays are a time of acknowl edging and sharing our love for one an- other, and for that reason I see no necessity for including in conversations a discussion of the sodomy laws in southern states. Ido. however, see a vital need to discuss the love which, after all, comes to define the major- ity of us as gay men, lesbian women, (it bisexual peoples. Though we may define that love in our own separate ways, its basic nature unites us all. It is essential that the world hears that message of love, and hears it loud and strong together with all the talk of civil rights and an end to oppression. The holi days are a perfect time to focus on the positive aspects of being gay, and to takes brief respite from the fight which mus! continue to counter the negative associt tions which have been heaped on home sexuality in the past. We need time to rest, time to hope time to dream of the better world to come? Inasmuch as we wish one another peaceofl earth and in our lives, let us be modelsoi that peace and love one another, straisill and gay alike, this holiday season.