.
Ask Aunt Gay

Aunt Gay, housepainter and gardener,
lives in a cold, corner of the Northwest
Queerdom. She's been learning from her
mistakes for 87 years.

Dear Aunt Gay,

You would not believe the argu-
ments my lover and I get into about
dogfood. No, it’s not the brand or the
odor; nor the political implications of
feeding horsemeat to a genetically mu-
tated, semi-consensually domesticated
animal while inner city Hispanics are
protein-deprived. Nothing so lofty. We
argue about the storage location.

You see, we don’t live together. The

log lives with me, the lover lives alone,

llld the three of us get together at the
i)ver’s place. Frequently. Being the effi-
iient sort, I keep some of my things there.
tow it’s fine with him to have his small
iathroom cluttered with my razor and
iiades, toothbrush and paste, underarm
ieodorant, and an extra pair of shorts.
tut, heaven forbid, if I should suggest
ucking a half a dozen cans of dogfood
iscreetly into the corner of a kitchen
abinet so spacious that he doesn’t have
nstack his pots and pans, off he goes: “I
iought I made it perfectly clear from
he start that I will n9_Llive with a lover.”
lf1o_ujx_e moving in, Ijm moving out.”
have I had a memory lapse? I don’t
mall applying for a marriage license.”
md on and on. This otherwise reason-
ile man is convinced that the absence of
ogfood on his pantry shelf is synony-
ions with his independence from me,
nd that his life would be threatened if
re lone tin should park in the garage in
use of a blizzard.

W Aunt Gay, I’d drop the whole sub-
tct, but those cans rolling around in my
ar are s_Q irritating. What do you sug-
est?
tear Efficient‘,

Roll those cans up in a paper bag and
lash them under the driver’s seat. The
iilpty space in your 1over’s cupboard is a
imbol of his safety around relationships.
light now you need to take the symbol

seriously. It’ y guess e s been some-
how trapped or sI:ifled by a close person in
the past. Having one’s selfhood squeezed
can M literally life-threatening. And rela-
tionships do tend to be about feelings.

Once you’re not pushing dog food at
him he might relax enough to take another
look at his feelings. But that has to happen
at his pace. I know this is hard on you. For
those who live by reason, the world can be
trying indeed.

   

Dear Aunt Gay,

I don’t understand people’s atti-
tudes about age. Between me and my
lover there is a difference of 26 years, and
I’ve never been so compatible with any-
one. But, besides mistaking us for
mother (her) and daughter (me), people
seem to see us as some phenomenon in-
stead of an ordinary couple, which is
what we ourselves feel like. Our close
friends are fine with it, but there are only
a few of them. What is the big deal? I feel
like wearing a sign that says “Stuff Your
Assumptions.”

But now they’ve got me wondering.
When we’re occasionally not getting
along I can’t figure out whether it’s
because of who we are, or do our ages get
in there some way? Do you think age
really makes a difference?

Dear Compatible,

Congratulations! Compatibility is
wonderful. And, sure, age makes a differ-
ence. So does your ethnic background,
where you grew up, and the way you were
treated as a child. Everything makes a dif-
ference.

An inter-generational combination
can be a lot of fun. Have you gotten your
lover to tell you her life story, and how it fits
with the events of her times? Have you told
her your story?

Around your friends, is one of you the
only person in her age group, and feeling
self-conscious or invisible? It couldbe very
nourishing to the era-specific part of each
of you to spend some time with agemates.

You’re pioneers in an ageist society.
But attitudes do change when people are
freed up to discuss them, and you’re in a
great place to start people talking. Good

   
   

German, and Spanish.

'6. Tutor Available for Private Lessons

Help with grammar and conversation in French,

Specializing in Music Theory and Piano Techniques. f
./K;-asonab/e rates and convenient scheduling.

-V“

J- Call‘Giiles at 865-3941
'\.

 

 
     

luck, and enjoy being ordinary!
Copyright Aunt Gay 1989

(Send questions to Aunt Gay c/o
0IT M ,POBox1 77,Burlington, VT05402)

Wendy's Bigot

Burgers

Last August the Rev. Donald
Wildrnon’s American Fmgily Assgggiafign
,by;n_a1 (AFA) urged its readers to send
complaints to Wendy’s hamburger chain.
The AFA was outraged that Wendy’s ad-
vertised on a rerun of NBC’s L.A. Law in
which a gay Olympic athlete sued a cereal
company when he came out of the closet.
The episode also featured a closeted gay
judge.

What upsets the AFA is that viewers
were “treated to two positive, ‘nonnal,’
homosexual characters.”

Wendy’s answered all complaints
from AFA Journal readers with a form
letter which said, in part: “... the particular
episode of this show was not consistent
with the kind of programming we wish to
be associated with. Moreover, Wendy’s
tries to sponsor programs we feel have a
wide appeal to the family viewing audi-
ence.”

Wendy’s needs to learn that gays and
lesbians are not “anti-family,” and shows
which realistically portray characters who
happen to be gay or lesbian or which deal
with homophobia are not “promoting
homosexuality.”

We suggest you remind Wendy’s that
gays and lesbians also form warm, loving
families. Why not tell them about your
family, or one you know of. And while

' you’re at it, remind them that family dinin

isn’t just for heterosexuals, and that they
are at risk of alienating a huge, hamburger-
eating market.

Write James W. Near, President
Wendy’s International Inc., PO Box 256,
Dublin, OH 43017 or call him at (614)764-

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