by K. K. Wilder

(Ed. note: This is the last in a series of
seven articles about gay men and the
women who love them.)

You’ve come out to her. You’ve come
out to the kids. You’ve talked about the best
ways to handle this transition together,
seeking the help of a support group or
counselor if necessary.

Now what?

In some couples, a man’s coming out
signals the end of the relationship. “Itreally
wasn’t my being gay that finished our
marriage,” one man says. “We were in deep
trouble long before Irealized I was gay; this
was just the final straw.”

Still others believe the man ’s sexuality
should make no difference whatsoever--
that he can choose to live heterosexually--
regardless of occasional homosexual long-
ings. “I admitted I find both women and
men sexually appealing,” a middle—aged
man tells me, “but told her that all our years
together were too important to me to act on
either of those attractions as long as I’m
married to her.”

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“No relationship offers a guarantee,”
explains his wife. “He’s decided to remain
monogamous and, right now, that means
monogamous to me. I don’tfeel there’s any
more threat to our staying together than
other people face. After all, heterosexual
men leave women every day for other
women, don’t they? So, if my husband falls
in love with anyone else, why should it
matter to me whether it’s a man or a
woman? Either way, I’ll feel exactly the
same...sad.”

Then there are the couples who don't
want to separate, yet can’t seem to yield to
any sort of understanding or compromise.

“He told me I was free to see other
men,” one woman told me, “or to develop
a lesbian relationship. But it’s only _lmn_ I
want, so his suggestion isn’t worth a
damn.”

“If she weren’t so stubborn, she’d give
it a u'y,” her husband states. “I know there
are couples who stay together, butl can’t be
true to myself and still live with her inflexi-
bility.” .

“Well, he’ll just have to make a

m Out To The Kids: Q I
NOW WHAT DO WE DO?

 
 

choice,” she retorts, angrily. “Other men or
me. I'm not sharing.”

Deadlock.

Just as with any other relationship,
stalemates don't work; answers can’t be
found when two immovable objects keep
bouncing off each other. Cooperation, on
the other hand, brings solutions. Even
couples who felt their situation had no
chance of working have found ways
through the maze. Such couples learn to
live within whatever perimeters they set,
often agreeing to change the guidelines as
they go along.

“We’ve had a running dialogue ever
since I came out to her,” one man says of his
girlfriend. “So far, we’ve been able to func-
tion by being supportive of one another’s
needs. We’re too important to each other to
just throw in the towel.”

CONCLUSION:

It would be wonderful if there were
specific guidelines, tidy steps to take,
which worked in every case. But there
aren’t.

(Continued on page 14)

It's time for

PEARLS’ SEVENTH CHRISTMAS PARTY

Women's

Altar dinnur. Santa dresses to go In town.

  

Dance
# 61
Friday, Dec.
1st

3 guesses

   
 

SUNDAY DECEMBER 17th
STARTING AT 4PM.

 

JOIN US FOR TREE. DECORATING. DRJNIGDANCE and F000 a

what girls
forget most!

     

y‘ 

D Remove make-up of bedtime

[3 DANCE AT PEARLS "I‘lP BARFENDER

I] Buy a new suniiary bell

 

5pm
Buffet and Dance

$5

11