Ask Aunt Gay

l Aunt Gay, housepainter and gardener,
‘lives in a cold, corner of the Northwest
igueerdom. She's been learning from her
mistakes for 87 years.

lllear Aunt Gay,
(. I have owned my own home for a few
‘years. I didn’t grow up rich and have a
‘house handed to me. It's the result of a lot
of hard work. Finally, I have things the
‘way I like them.

My lover moved in with me recently,

llld I do enjoy living with him. But now
.le wants to redecorate the living room
and rearrange the kitchen. He has his
‘own bedroom. I don’t appreciate him
wanting to change my home to suit him.
He grew up with a lot of money, and I
‘resent it when he expects the world to
cater to him. Do you think he’s asking for
loo much?

Dear As You Like It,

Isn’t this something! You’ve had your
lose to the grindstone for years and just
‘then you’re ready to relax and tell yourself
‘Well done!” in waltzes Mr. Privlege
wanting to share your wealth.

You deserve to have your place reflect
you 100%. You also deserve an equal part-
tership. If your lover has control over one
tom and you have control over the rest of
iehouse, it’s not equal. Do you really want
‘make a home with him? If you do, you’ll
ted to compromise. But the secret to
ilmpromising gracefully is to go for
vhat’s most important to you. If you let him

   

  

privlege it will be harder to balance the
power between you without your keeping
significant control of your home. Take
stock of your dynamics together, then look
for a balance.

And while you’re at it, notice any of his
moneyed traits you like: Is he refreshingly
self-assured? Does he believe in making
fantasies real? You chose him, you like
living with him, enjoy him.

Dear Aunt Gay,

I’m outraged. I heard that at the
East Coast Lesbian Festival lesbian
mothers of sons were harassed by a reac-
tionary wing of the lesbian separatist
movement who posted signs advocating
violence against the boys. I heard that SI
M dykes received notes and phone calls
threatening them with physical harm, I
presume to punish them for their alleged
crime of mimicking patriarchal violence
in their sex play.

But that's not all. The dyke who told
me all this was "so mad", she wanted to
" knock their separatist heads together! "

Come on wimmin, didn’t we learn
anything from the last two decades of the
lesbian community’s anti-racist witch
hunts, class wars and other devastating
schisms? Can we learn something from
the Sandanistas who refer to their living
revolution as “the Process”? The means
are the ends. Right now we are creating
our world by how we treat each other.
We are our revolution. Aunt Gay, would
you tell our community to start acting

like it?

arrange the kitchen, with your input of Demo ed

uuise, will he cqook more?_ Wguld that Sayit’ £322: '

take you happy. is he artistic. Maybe ©Aumgay1989

you d love having his artist's spirit shining

iyou from your living room. Letting him  from page 11

to the whole house will definitely change
Four home, but it might be positive. If not,
llu can change it around again after
lwhile.

Your lover's money has bought him
lower in the world. Do you have some
iivlege that he doesn’t? Does mainstream
lllture treat you more respectfully than it
teats him for anyreason: yourlooks,ethnic
ickground, line of work? If he has all the

for us in the past but perhaps it is time to
encourage each one of us to choose our own
parade route, unencumbered by a parade
permit.

As for exactly what our destination is,
I don’t have a complete picture but I do
have some snapshots and in one of them,
Brian and I are walking down the streets of
Burlington hand-in-hand. 'I‘liat’s a good
enough picture for me right now.

s. Tutor Available for Private Lessons

Help with grammar_and conversation in French.

German. and Spanish. .

Specializing in Music Theory and Piano Techniques. :
./fiasonable rates and convenient scheduling.

-" J- Coll ‘Gilles at 865-394]
*\a

 
 
 
  
 

November 1989

 

Public Hearings on
Hate Crimes
Continue

The Human Rights Commission for

the State of Vermont will be holding its
fourth and final public hearing on "hate
crimes" in Burlington VT. on November
l3tli at the Unitarian Church beginning at 7
p.m. The focus of the hearing is to gather
testimony regarding the existence in Ver-
mont of acts of violence, intimidation, or
harassment against people on the basis of
their sexual orientation, race, color, reli-
gion, national origin, sex, ancestry, age, or
physical or mental impairment.

The Commission is also seeking the
opinion of Vermonters as to whether legis-
tlation should be enacted making such acts
a sepaiate criminal offense and also action-
able under civil law. A hate crimes bill, H.
504, was introduced during this legistlative
session and will hopefully be considered in
1990. It is currently being supported by the
Human Rights Commission and the Attor-
ney General's Office.

The Commisions three previous pub-
lic hearings in Brattleboro, St. Johnsbury,
and Rutland produced testimony
predominantly from gays and lesbiens as
well as from people of color. Vermonters
informed the Commission of numerous
incidents of violence and harassment that
they believed had been motivated by the
victim's actual or perceived sexual

orientation.

The Commission is hoping for a
significant turnout in November since it is
the last hearing before the legistlative
session. The Commission also recognizes
that some people may not wish to testify
publicly and therefore it encourages people
to provide written testimony (either signed
or anonymous) at the hearing or by mailing
itto : Human Rights Commission,P.O. Box
997, Montpelier,VT 05601. If you are
hearing impaired and wish to participate,
please contact the Commission and an
interpreter will be provided.

The Human Rights Commission also
wants to remind people that even though
discrimination in employment, housing,
and public accomodations is not currently
protected under Vermont law (and is not
the subject of the public hearing) that the
Commission still encourages people to
write or phone their complaints for filing
with the Commission.

15