Ask Aunt Gay lear Aunt Gay, Editors and Readers alike may be empted to dismiss this letter without a ugcond thought, but I would like to see it renerate some serious discussion. My iartner and I are one of the bi-sexual couples in the Burlington area. We re- cently visited part of a major city famous for its gay population. Being around all those proud gay people, literally out in the streets, I wanted to wear my Gay Pride button. I should mention now that we always walk inn-in-arm, or hold hands. My partner irrgued that it would be offensive for us to try to pass as gay while being physically rliectionate. My feeling is that only a very bi- plrobic person would be offended by . such a sight and that we should try not to pppeal to that mentality just as we must not appeal to homophobia. This is not as simple a question as it right first appear. I’m curious, what do you say? Dear Curious, As a bisexual you feel a part of gay ‘culture; you want to show your pride and lirlidarity with gays, right? I don’t think irre’s anything wrong with anyone wear- ing a gay pride button, but it could be "infusing. How about wearing the button in says “How Dare You Presume I’m ,iieterosexual!” Or one that says “Bisexual ndProud.” Iknow there isn’t much of a bisexual nlture out there compared to straight, gay ul lesbian cultures. If there were, you ltbably wouldn’tbe wondering about this isue. Are you willing to help create bisex- tulculture? You two have the sensitivity, ride, and caring to do it. In the meantime, it doesr'r’t sound like ‘lire trying to pass as gay. It sounds like ru’re just trying to be your full selves. 1 en that’s offensive to reactionary pre- \:ii1c_eptions somebody’s got a problem, »‘itrt’s not you. L German, and Spanish. 0. Tutor Available for Private Lessons Help withgrammar and conversation in French, % Specializing in Music Theory and Piano Techniques. I ./ieasonable rates and convenient scheduling. N w J. carfiemes or 865-3941 ’\a Dear Aunt Gay, It drives me batty when women who used to sleep with women and now sleep with men, still call themselves lesbians. The common definition of “lesbian” is a woman who loves and sleeps with women and not men. Why not respect the definition? I know they say they don’t feel straight, they feel like lesbians, but they aren’t lesbians. Don’t you think they should make up some new concept if “straight” and “bisexual” are too rigid and don’t fit their experiences? Dear Batty, Sure. I’m all for accuracy. It’s a good thing by me anytime a minority can use a label that effectively communicates their reality to the majority. As we learn more about the complexities of each ot1rer’s experiences, life gets more interesting, and reality-based. So, ex-lesbians, can you come up with a better term? Are you a non-practicing lesbian, a cultural lesbian, a lesbian-style feminist, a queer queer? I invite you to write in your experiences, and labels that begin to describe them. — Now a question for you, Batty. Do you know why it matters to you that former lesbians be distinguished from current les- bians? Does it make you feel more safe somehow? Is there something you can do to feel better besides trying to get them to change? Perhaps you need time with only lesbians who don’t sleep with men. Maybe ex-lesbians would like to meet separately too. I know I get a down-home feeling among my own kind. How about you? Copyright Aunt Gay 1989 Commentary from page 11 all. But it certainly makes the going more gentle. Next time: How to deal with the chil- dren. (K .K . Wilder is writing a book tenta- tively titled gigy Men. To contact her write I 7N Cham- plain #3, Burlington, VT 05401 or call (802)658-0448). 6» 6 Oops! No Gwendolyn this month.