-.

"Honey, I

Honey, I Love You and I’m Gay”:

Preparing to Tell Her every detail of the moment you told her you

were gay. Her mind and heart will retain the
look on your face, the words you used, and
the tone of your voice. She’ll record every-
thing with the accuracy of a slow-motion
camera. And she will remember for the rest
of her life.

It sounds dramatic and it is. Although
you are finally coming to terms with your
sexuality-- maybe you’re giddy with relief-
- she is about to question her own and to see
her world end as she knew it. She is losing,
forever, the man she loved, the person she
thought you were. And, although later
she’ll come full circle and appreciate you in
your entire truth, for today she will only
hear news that will shake the foundation of
her being.

For that reason, prepare well. Tell her
in a quiet time, in a place where you can be
alone. If you have children, send them off
for a visit. If you decide to tell her outside
the home, take her somewhere new so that
she won’t always acquaint a favorite loca-
tion with the place you came out to her.

by K.K. Wilder

(Eds. Note: This is the third in a series
on issues between gay men and the women
who love them.)

It’s time. Maybe you’re sick and tired
of living the double life and must be free to
explore your feelings for other men or die
from the longing. Perhaps you’ve even
found aman you love and no longer want to
make your girlfriend or wife the unknow-

‘« ing participant in a menage-a-trois, espe-
‘ cially in these frightening days of AIDS.

If you believe what I said last month--
that not telling her you’re gay keeps you
both stuck in lonely closets-- then it’s time
to tell her who you really are.

Setting the scene for romance takes
thought and preparation and so does plan-
ning for this loving act. Just as everyone
over forty can tell you where they were the

so will the woman who loves you recall

ovelloud I'm Gay":

June 1989

Preparing to Tell Her

make it a spot where it’ll be possible to talk
and cry together, where she can rage and
scream if she wants to, and where you
won’tbe interrupted formany, many hours.
Look inside; you know where the place
should be.

Rehearse what you will say. Voice it
aloud to a friend or to yourself. Yes, that
means you can't just let something instant
pour out from your heart when you tell her.
But this is a time as major to her as coming
out to yourself was to you, so compassion,
not impulsiveness, must be the key in
choosing your initial words to her. There
will be time later for the spontaneous inti-
macy that will occur between you.

Plan to tell her the truth, whatever your
present truth may be. Never mind the de-
tails of your homosexual experimentation
if there has been any. Resist the desire to
share your joy in your gayness, if you have
gone that far in your growth. Instead, tell
her of your struggle to accept your homo-
sexuality, of the confusion you had in real-
izing your gayness while still caring deeply

(Continued on page 14)

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The Passion of Pearls

"We are Your Friends and Neighbors"
Benefit Dance for Gay Pride
Iune 8th

8:30 pm - closing

$3.00 Cover

135 Pearl Street
Burlington, Vermont

    
     
  

 

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