Asunt Gay Dear Aunt Gay, In our first date she asked if she could sleep with me. I was just getting to know her! I guess I was scared of things happening too fast, so I blurted out something stupid about a TV show coming on and pretty soon she was gone. Did I really ruin any chance of being friends just because I was a little nervous about sex? Dear Step by Step, You haven’t mined anything! There’s nothing wrong with taking things slowly, and only as far as you want. So what if you were abrupt with her; you were doing the best you could in a tense moment. You can always apologize or explain later. It’s never too late to clear up miscom- ' munications and mistakes. Anything get- ting in the way of your being exactly how you want to be right now , is a current issue. Talk with her. Give her a context (you like to savor getting to know people), tell her how you feel (silly/sorry) about what ‘ you did (react) and why you did it (you were " scared because of __). Then tell her what you want (understanding/to see her). Although there’s nothing wrong with being fast, maybe she’s been thinking she was pushy and insensitive and ruined her chances with you! Try laughing about it together. You know, honest processing is a ‘ great basis for a friendship. Dear Aunt Gay, What would you do if your room- mate complained about every little thing i from page 3 about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome; a syn- drome caused by a different virus, and platatudes such as “know your partner”. Thank you, Deborah Kutzko FNP AIDS Program Manager — Vermont Department of Health _ _Editors Note: Ms. DeSouza has a B.S. lfllilochemistry and is currently a research 3SSIstant at the University of Vermont. ‘ Her article was specifically from the Dflmt of view of a researcher. Research a ‘"106 the article was written has shown that hromc Fatigue Syndrome may not be °3“_5¢d_by the Epstein-Barr Virus. A virus which is not the same virus as HIV, which “"868 AIDS. See article in Lesbian/Gay ] “:11!!! Section for a related article on lesbi- _ &dAI13s. ; u d, to the po where you hated to come home? I do things his way, and still I get criticized. I tried telling him off but that was even worse. What am I doing wrong? Dear Trying, I hear you. That negative stuff can really wear you down. Can you tell yourroommate firmly and as often as needed that you are not accept- ing criticism today (or tomorrow either)? Can you give a couple of friends the job of checking in with you daily to see how you’re feeling and how this tactic is work- ing? Maybe you can move your interac- tions onto a whole new footing. If this doesn’t work for you, you may be in an abuse pattern. You should get out and get help, now. Get yourself out of the flood of criticism; find someone you trust tothink things through with; and keep those friends checking in with you. You're mak- ing a major transition, expanding and free- ing your life. Thatcan be pretty frightening. Good luck. © 1989 Aunt Gay frompage 9 When anyone in Vermont is denied credit on the basis of sexual orientation, the pool of loanable funds is preserved to make loans more available to me. I inherit—without any merit on my part- the good will with held from others. As long as discrimination happens, heterosexuals like myself will profit. It’s not right, and it doesn’t feel good. Leather Lovers Unite ! by Gilles A new affinity group has recently formed in Burlington for gays who are into leather, uniforms, denim, and western wear. The first event, an informal social, was held on Saturday, April 1, at a residence in Burlington, serving as a relaxed meeting ground for an enthusiastic beginning membership. One man travelled40 miles to attend. Monthly gatherings will take place in private homes at 8 p.m. on the first Saturday of the month. Plans are being developed for community projects, travel to other cities for meetings and other special events, par- ticipation and networking with similar groups outside of Vermont. For the May meeting, a leather club in Worcester, MA has been invited and will send a delegation to Burlington. For further information, call Gilles at 865-394 1 . May1989 G» ’> So here I am enjoying the view, while engaged in a little idle conversation with a woman sitting next to me. This stranger tmns to me and says, “I'm looking for someone,” with such intention and earnest that I believe I've been taken into some grand confidence. I wait, anticipating some long, drawn- out story of an adventurous past, with many players and intricate details. Perhaps this woman is a spy, a double agent, or an infiltrator from the C.I.A. My heart races, my mind wanders. I check for the door. Oh shit! I'm in a gay bar. They’vc got my name, a file...Shut up, Gwendolyn. Shut up! (I’ve obviously watched far too much late night TV and read a few too many suspense novels). “Is it anyone I know?” I ask noncha- lantly. Maybe it’s someone on the “Ten Most Wanted List” or a political refugee. No, it’s a runaway teen who’s gay and has Jehovah Witnesses for parents! Hey, I’m talking with a real live Magnum P.I! (Hot damnl). “Perhaps,” she replies with a smile and a wink. Then, I realize all her intention and earnest was lustful longing. You know, too many cold nights, no one to talk to or hang out with. (Come on). That’s her hand on MY KNEE! “You mean you came here looking for a relationship?” Images of Daisy Mae (“Li’l’ Abner”) hunting for her man with a ready cudgel flash through my mind. (Give me a break). “Yes. Well...What do you think?" Holy camoly! She means ME! “I’m sorry. I don’tdo well with fill-in- the-blanks, not on tests and certainly not on dates.” (Humph). “Well, okay. If you're not inter- ested...”She shrugs meoffandwalks away. Well, I wasn't through with this love- forsaken parasite. “Hey! Hey you! You want arelationship...Getadog! ” (Ha! Itold her). . Catch you later...Love ya, Me P.S. Hey, about that desk. I’m still waiting. Where the hell is it! 15