Volume IV, Number 4 by Sue Brown Do you remember high school health classes-personal hygiene and brief talks about sexuality (depending on your age and where you went to school)? If anything at all was said about gays, lesbians, or bisexu- als, it was usually a few brief, biased, im- personal lines in a textbook. As a gay or lesbian teenager your high school years may have been a time of pain, fear, loneli- ness, shame and ostracism. For gay, lesbian and bisexual teenagers (or simply those questioning their sexuality) this is still true today. But a recently formed group, Out- right Vermont, hopes to change all this. Presently in the planning stages, Out- right Vermont is a diverse group of about 10 people, committed to developing and implementing programs for teenage sexual minorities. Their mission statement is twofold: to do in-service and educational work within high schools and youth organi- zations in order both to raise people’s awareness about homosexuality, and to VERMONT'S NEWSPAPER FOR LESBIANS AND GAY MEN Outright VT Reaches Out to ‘W imflt counter homophobia. 4 I The second part inclii es doing out- reach to gay, lesbian bisexual high school students, or those = ‘J tioning their sexuality. Targeting kids the 13-19 age range, the group hopes‘ “provide support and connect students ‘area resources. In practice, it wo1__ild“-,look something like this: A representative of Outright Ver- mont would contact a higli school (either through administrators 'orperson- nel) and request to do an m’-fservice work- shop for teachers and guidance counselors. Workshops would include talking about homosexuality and teenagers, and dealing with homophobia in high schools. Once the in-service is completed, a representative could then request a forum in which to speak directly to students, pos- sibly a health class. Possible topics for ’ discussion would include different sexual orientations, homophobia in its many forms, and how we contribute to homopho- (Continued on page 14) 43/‘ ‘A !!3!!2!!!!m amszrmx. H.211 aring Aticle Page 8 Men Peeping Out of the Closet: Deciding to Tell the Woman Who Loves You by K.K. Wilder (Ed. note: This is the second in a series on issues between gay men and the women I who love them.) i _ last time I talked about the sensation- ahzed media view of gay men and the women who love them, explaining that there are myths being exploited for big bucks now that the subject is popular. I Regardless of the hype, though, one truth , has emerged: it’s kinder to tell her yourself ‘ that you are gay than to let her find out by accident or from another person. . Contrary to popular belief, chances are 1fl'ou’re involved with her, you love her. D_%terInining how and when to tell your I Zlrlfnend or wife that you are gay may be l 0116 of the most difficult decisions you’ll make after coming out to yourself. Under- Slflndably, most put it off as long as pos- 51516. “She means too much to me,” I fre- ‘ q“°“‘1)’ hear. “I can’t hurt her like that.” ] If You don’t hurt her like that, you’ll ‘rm hurt her far worse. And you’ll harm your- self in the process. Many gay men end up getting ill from repressed feelings they suffer before coming out to women who love them. By the time they finally blurt out the truth--usually in a burst of anger or guilt--the relationship has deteriorated as well. Gay men who are involved with women often lose years of their lives to their own homophobia. To be punished further with the loss of a loving friendship is not only sad, it’s urmecessary. “Well, I’ve tried to hint,” I’m told. “She doesn’t seem to want to see it.” “It’s true. She may not notice your longing glances at the waiter. She'll proba- bly ignore her uncomfortable feelings when you spend increasing time with a pal she knows is gay. She might even revert to standard misconceptions if you hedge by telling her you have “questions” about your sexuality. “What, mu.” she may laugh. “These kids here are yours, remember?” A period of denial is common, even if you tell her outright that you have a gay lover; hinting only prolongs the natural process. Peeping out of the closetkeeps you half in and her half out to the truth. Both are painful spaces. “But what if she hates me?” She won’t. Just as you are the same person you were before coming out, she is the same person she was before you told her. If she was accepting and open before, she’ll be the same way now. Oh, it’s true, she may be angry and confused one day; understanding and loving the next. She will have pain. But she will survive. Especially if you help her by being compassionate and gentle, two traits she probably love about you in the first place. Coming out to yourself was a long process; it required great courage. It seems unfair that there’s still more you have to do (Continued on page 14)