Ask Aunt Gay

J Dear Aunt Gay,
Ilike to get going in the morning, but
l my lover sleeps till noon, and 1l_1_gm she
' wants to cuddle! I don’t necessarily want
to change her habits, but morning is my
best time. Do you think we can work it
out? Any suggestions?
Dear Get Going,
Of course! This sounds like a case of
*' complementary differences. Trying talking
I ( with your sleeper. See if she’s willing to
it stuff earplugs in when you get up. Not
1 I worrying about your noise level, you might
) accomplish so much that by noon you’d be
l* ready to take a break.

! If you consider that sleeping people
s, are often processing on a deep level, you
F ‘. could see mornings as best times for both of
‘,2 you!

 

Dear Aunt Gay,

Does it bother you if I use your space
to sound off? It’s about homosexuality in
animals. Don’t people know that lots of
animals act queer? Living in the country
it’s hard to miss. Winter nights, my male
duck tumbles around in the hay with his
parts hanging out, chasing another
drake. My neighbor’s dog, a female, has
a loyal girlfriend. I’ve seen stallions on
each other too, and I’ve heard about wild
birds in lifetime lesbian partnerships.
How do dairy farmers know when their
cows are ready to breed? Other cows are
jumping on them. Licking tongues and
protruding parts don’t lie. The point is,
we’re just as natural as the breeders.
Thanks.

Dear Natural,

It doesn’t bother me a bit. You’re

welcome.

1
l

f.
D
1.

 

» @FA|RNEss

airness. That's all we're asking for. Protection from unfair

discrimination in jobs and housing. An end to anti—gay violence.
Immigration reform. Defeat of bigoted laws denying human dignity
and equal justice to lesbians and gay men.

, It isn’t too much to ask. But far-right zealots have flooded Congress
with anti-gay mail and we lose too often. You can change this.

FIGHT BACK
FOR FAIR/VESS.

CALL
1-800-257-4900

Choose a prepared mailgram. Only $4.50 each, charged to your telephone.
ll‘ you don't know who your legislator is. the operator does.

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l
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I 113%. llasltiiigtoii. l)lL. 2(ll)l.'l or call (202) 628-4l6(>.

 

G I;

"Coming Out Part II"

So, my friends, you’ve survived the
ICRAI’s “Whew,” you say...Not so fast!

Insatiable curiosity flows through the
vacant brain cells of those with limited
imaginations. It rushes through the minds
of younger siblings, crass relatives, med-
dling friends, and idiots. It circumvents
consciousness and the intricate mecha-
nisms of thought and cooth. Without wam—
ing comes a verbal explosion so disarming
our disbelief is matched only by the gall or
embarrassment (fat chance) of its source.

So goes the cerebral dysfunction of
those who ask, “What do you do?” (Give
me a break! ...I mean...well...'I'HINK about
it!...Never mind).

In the absence of Scotty and hopes of
beaming elsewhere - tell them.

“I’m a carpenter, plumber, doctor,
lawyer, caseworker for “Sexually Free
America”, etc.” M

“Come on. You know what I
mean...What do you DO?” (Lesbians have
horns, gay men tails, and of course WE’RE
from a different planet).

“Oh. You mean Lesbians and gay men.
Well, we work, play, eat, sleep...”

“No. No. What do you do TO-
GETHER?” (This bugger is really pushy).

“We meet, talk, go to parties, dance,
sing, march, work for equal rights..."

“But as a couple - you know...TWO of
you together?” (Is this a cloister case or
what?)

“We meet, date, fall in love, live to-
gether, live apart, make commitments,
raise children...”

“But, what do you DO?” (Hey and
what do you DO!)

“Ohhh...You mean SEX. (I’m talking
snide here. This mucous membrane de-
serves it!) The same things you do only
with indoor plumbing (Lesbians), outdoor
plumbing (Gay Men).”

If this turkey turd persists, direct him/
her to the nearest phone booth, dial Dr.
Ruth, and cement the door shut! (Ha!)

Later... Love ya, Me

0.

15

 1989