Ask Aunt Gay ' Dear Aunt Gay, I’ve got a question about your letter to “Wondering” (Feb.89). “Kissing to the point of orgasm?” Are you serious? I read The Hite Report and that had plenty to say about coming, but nothing like that. Dear Still Wondering, Serious? Shoot, I know lesbians who have orgasmed from looking into each other’s eyes; from nipple stimulation; from I the energy running through them when lying on top of each other. Iasked aroomful of dykes how many of them had orgasmed ' in their sleep. Twenty-nine out of thirty. We all looked surprised. There’s a lot those researchers aren’ t asking. Let’ s not wait for ‘ . them to tell us what we’re doing. Let’s be as ‘ open about our sexuality as we are about our favorite foods. We’ll know more about ourselves, get more of what we want, be more relaxed and happy, and have more energy for living our lives. Dear Aunt Gay, Imoved to Burlington last year be- cause I liked the lesbian community here. Since I get here I’ve been outgoing; lask people out and go to meetings. I make people laugh and think, so I guess they like me well enough. But it’s a rare woman who asks me how I’m doing. Every hugging relationship I’ve got I’ve initiated. It seems like everybody’s life is too full to fit me in; nobody invites me anywhere. I’ve found a lover; that’s not my problem. But dyke does not live by lover alone. I’m desperate enough to , consider sleeping around; then at least Pd have ex-lovers to be friends with. Dear Desperately Seeking, I know exactly what you mean! This is typical northern behavior, but it’s justa bad habit. It doesn't do anybody any good. Even insiders say they feel like outsiders. So listen all you dykes out there: Do you really have all the friends you want? Is there a woman you’re glad to run into but never get to know? Are you planning to connect with her when you have more time? Maybe next month. Or maybe she’11 move away again and you won’t have to. Come on! It’s not hard. Offer her a jump start if she ever gets stuck. Invite her along when you go out with your usual group. You don’t have to marry her to welcome her in. You have community. N“““° “" © Aunt Gay 1989 Letters Home.... frompage14 quent bypass. Coincidence? Probably. It was just bad timing for that letter and his heart attack. Did the news of my lesbianism» cause the heart attack? Perhaps it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, the one last piece of stress his system could not handle. After all, my father is 75 years old, and had led a typical American lifesty1e...mostly sendentary and eating “too well.” So he was probably due for a major medical trauma of some king. I do not blame myself for what hap- pened. Just imagine if I had that kind of power! The most difficult part for me through all this has been lack of validation from my family. I took the risk of coming out to them. They still love me, but on the condition that I do not bring up the subject. Well, I am not satisfied with being quiet, but for now the first step for me has been taken, and I need time to reflect and to heal. I must regain my pride in being a lesbian, a EV 3091515 ~ oou -—Rec 0:- ~1=cr=uoon:A 5-'r=o.s'reR ~ '.:‘BUTTDNS~ Q<\r§D:v-awvx 5 Lé ONES 7! Elliot. 5;. ’Bracu¢boro,\}t.. lDG3)l§’4'fl'00 on M0104 pen .:mc»