Out in the Mountains

Letters Home....
Dear Dad,

I am writing you a letter that I have
wanted to write for a long, long time. Until
now, I’ve been too afraid to. We haven’t
had a real father/daughter talk for a long
time. One thing I always remember you
telling me through the years is that happi-
ness is the most important thing. I’ve
searched for that happiness, changing my
life when I’ve felt it necessary.

Dad, these three years in Vermont
have been ones of self-discovery. I have
found pmposes and meaning to my life.
And I have not shared any of it with you for
fear of your rejection of me. You have
always trusted me and my instincts. You’ve
never really questioned my actions. And,
sadly, I have to admit thatl haven’t told you
the whole story. I love you and have been
afraid of hurting you. ButI now realize that
if my happiness hurts you, I cannot blame
myself.

Dad, I am gay. I've known for awhile
now, but I was too afraid to tell you...too
afraid that I would lose your love. But it is
a chance that I take now because I don’t
think it's fair for either you or me that I
should hide 95% of my life from you. It
hurts me that I haven’t felt I could share the
happiness and peace of mind I've found.

I have many friends, both gay and straight.
I’m healthier than I have ever been, both
physically and mentally. I’m involved in
many activities--social, political, educa-
tional. Being gay is just one part of me, but
it is an important part. Many people would
use my private life as an excuse to condemn
and reject and deny my existence and
rights. Maybe that’s why I’ve kept this
secret from you for so long. The thought of
losing you was something I couldn’t bear.
I love you and want you to know why I’m
happy. It only seems fair. If you choose to
reject me and no longer love me, I will feel
a great loss.

I love Vermont; it is home to me now.
But I came here for a self-imposed exile. I
could not lead two lives in Texas...one for
my family (straight) and one for everyone
else (gay). I did not know how to reconcile
the two halves, so I put a lot of distance
between us in order not to have to deal with
it. But I do have to deal with it...I miss my
family, andI think of y'all daily. So there it
is...Please call or write me if you need to
talk.

Love, Alyx

Dearest Daughter,
...Your sexual preference is entirely
your personal business and should be kept

T

sion don’t completely understand it but
accept that it exists among otherwise ml.
ented normal people. My only misunder.
standing is the compulsion of gays to an.
nounce to the world their orientation. How
silly. Maybe the law should require every
person to wear a sign saying, “I’m a hetero. .
sexual” or “I’m a bisexual” etc. .

Always remember that you are loved
by your parents and although we may not
approve of everything you do, we do love
you dearly and will continue to supportyou '
in any of your endeavors...So no more is
necessary in this matter.

We hope the holidays are peaceful for I
you and you continue to stay happy and
well.

Love, Dad

Footnote from Alyx:

What is a queer’s major fear when .
coming out to parents? Phrases often used
figuratively are ‘‘They’ll have a heart at-
tack” or ‘”I'hey’ll just die.” The figurative 
became literal for me when I sent this
coming out letter to my father.

My dad received a long cried over and
struggled over letter from me on a Saturday
in October. The following Tuesday, the day =
Mom says he was to respond to my letter, he i
had a massive coronary, stroke and subse- I

My life now. I have a great job. Personal W9 “'h0 are “Qt Of Your Persua‘ (Continued on page 15)
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