Ask Aunt Gay Dear Aunt Gay, You would think two intelligent men could divide property equitably when it’s time to divorce. But no. Our whole separation process is stalled over who gets the dog. We can’t keep this up much longer; the stress is affecting her health. Please advise! Dear stalled, Custody battles are hard on everyone. Naturally you feel urgent. But you’re going to live with your decision a long time, so take the time to do it right. Could you two let a neutral third party help you find a good solution? Talk to a trained mediator; that's just what they do. Media- tion is all about respect and confidentiality. (You don’t have to worry about being queer.) Dear Aunt Gay, I just heard that some researcher says lesbians have less sex than straight people who have less sex than gay men. My friend says it’s because women aren’t taught how to initiate sex. I won- 'der if it’s because women suffer much more sexual abuse in patriarchy than men do and sometimes we need space from sex to heal. Dear Wondering, I wonder how those researchers define sex. Is genital contact the only thing that counts? Maybe lesbians spend less time doing that and more time kissing to the Pfiint of orgasm, or generating electricity from just looking at our lovers, or feeling the energy swirl around us when we lie down and breathe together. Wm EV E [_ -.....-.e%°.'.—:..:s .=o,$~‘=~5 ""BUTTDNS"- CAR DUI‘/\ E’S I ‘) 7lEIlrot.5r.. ‘brat'.uoborD,\}c. (60Z)15‘f{‘bO 5 ‘RBCOR D5‘- Or maybe we do have less sex. But do we cuddle less, sleep together less, spend less time being intimate with our friends? Do we want more sex? Does more sex make happier people? Maybe sex is the only way men have been allowed to get closeness and touch. Maybe we all need more of all of the above. Asking for exactly what we want, including space, is definitely a skill worth cultivating. ©Aunt Gay 1989 Aunt gay, housepainter and gardener, lives in a cold corner of the Northeast Queerdom. She's been learning from her mistakes for 86 years. Answers to L/G Trivia Who: Tommaso de’Cavalier What: The Pride Institute is the first resi- dential chemical dependency treatment center for gay men and lesbians. It opened on March 3, 1986, in Minnesota. Inciden- tally, its founder, Elaine Noble, was the first openly gay person elected to public office at the state level (MA.House) Where: In front of New York’s St. Pat- rick’s Cathedral. Seventy-five gay men and lesbians gathered to protest the anti—gay views of Cardinal John O’Connor. When: The term “homosexual” (in its German form) first appeared in an anony- mous pamphlet printed in 1869. Karl Maria Kertbeny was the author. from page 11 As a community we need to gather in our diversities and support each other in our common goal of complete civil rights with- out fear. We support and validate ourselves and each other by speaking out. Come testify, come be present to support us all when the hearing date is set. >0» V304 93% .3'rrcr