Out in the Mountains

Letters Home

by Ron

I attended my first gay wedding last
fall in Los Angeles. My brother and his
lover were married in a ceremony that was
well attended by their families, friends and
co-workers.

Gay union ceremonies are rare even in
California. The reason that my brother and
brother—in-law decided to have one is that
they wanted to live their lives as positive
gay role models. The look at their gayness
as an integral part of their personalities and
they wanted to give the people that were
important in their lives the opportunity to
share their happiness.

Their ceremony was designed by the
two of them. They invited the oldest gay
couple in their circle of friends to preside
over the ceremony. Friends who knew
them before they were a couple spoke about
their memories of them. Friends who only
knew them as a couple spoke about their
commitment to one another.

Both men wore white. They spoke
about the beginnings of their relationship,
growing as a couple, resolving interper-
sonal problems and the qualities that at-
tracted each one to the other. Their cere-
mony was concluded with a kiss that dem-
onstrated their hope for the future, tender-

 

ness in the past, and love in the present.

There were many differences from a
traditional wedding. This ceremony was
not conducted to mark a new beginning but
was a reaffirmation of a stable and evolving
relationship. The seating for the ceremony
was mixed so that friends would not have to
decide which side they should sit on. Both
sides of the family sat together. The cake
served at the reception was from a flat cake
and not a stacked wedding cake.

Although some traditions were elimi-
nated, I am sure that many new traditions
were started than day. Many of the gay and
lesbian couples that were present were talk-
ing about how they would like to have the
same type of ceremony for themselves. The
fact that this marriage was taking place
suddenly gave them the courage to dream
that the same type of ceremony could be a
reality for them also.

I am happy that my brother is married.
We have accepted his spouse as part of the
family. They both flew out to spend the

T

holidays in Vermont this year.

Marriage is a state of union that is
created by two people who are unitedjn
love. Gay marriages are legitimized
through the power of the friends and family
present at the ceremony. No piece of paper
is needed from the state. The state lawmak. ‘
ers will eventually recognize gay unions‘
because it is the right thing to do. The mean
spirited and discriminatory laws that re
strict same sex marriage will somedaybe
overturned because there will be so many ».
open gay marriages that it will not be un- .
usual and will be an affirmation of what}
already exists.

I’m glad that my brother invited meto
be present at his gay union ceremony. He
gave me the chance to publicly let him
know that I support him and will be there
for him. It allowed us to affirm the validity 7
and importance of this relationship in his
life. He explained that much of the dis- [
crimination that gay people experience is ‘
self imposed discrimination. He went onto i
explain that he would have been discrimi- I
nating against himself if he failed to invite
the whole family. (Parents, siblings, grand- |
parents, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc.) It
would have meant that he thought that his
gay relationships were in some way inferior '
to straight relationships.

I’m proud of him.

 
 

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