T.etters Home I decided to share with you this warm and supportive response to a coming out letter] recently sent to an old college friend of twelve years. Greetings near All Hallow’s Eve! ...Someday someone will explain to me, in words not exceeding two syllables, why it is that my gay/lesbian friends are among the most stable people I know. It isn’t because of their cahn, smooth lives, as far as I can tell, and their families vary through most of the spectrum, so that isn’t it either. This is not, I hasten to add, to say thatl have NO stable friends on the other side of the street, just that the ratio is worse, and I certainly have never been numbered among the stable, so I don’t help. Concerning your fears about the proper wording of such things, I remind you of a delightful Doonesbury cartoon which ran many years ago. A young lady was introducing a gentleman of close but informal acquaintance to an older woman. After stumbling for several frames for an appropriate description of his role in her life, the older woman cut in gently, saying “Don’t worry, dear. They’ll find a word for it some day.” In this instance, society has a F word for it, but hasn’t sufficiently to de- velop, at the very least, a sane response. I’m not sure if “knew” is too strong a verb or not. Suspected is probably too weak. But I’m delighted that you are happy enough with the situation to be letting it be a part of your outside life, although I think, in the same situation, I would have waited a millenium or so before letting an oh-so- enlightened family in on it. I’m very sorry your mother is being such a nit. Not surprised, but sorry. You deserve much better. I almost wish family wasn’t such an important concept to soci- sly, although I can lecture at length on why 1t1s. I’m just not sure I think your energies pi‘ are most happily spent on people who have no base from which to return them. Except, perhaps your sister’s children. I’ve come to feel that children are worth a great deal of pain and agony, if you’ve got any kind of chance of making decent human beings out of them. And they’re so plastic, it’s nearly impossible to judge when that chance no longer exists, so you just keep trying until you can’t. I’m afraid I’m still a pretty harsh cynic where adults are concerned. On the subject of outside opinions of your personal worth, I would take a facto- rial of the large opinions of friends, co- workers, church members, landlords et cetera, and subtract the inverse of your mother’s small opinion, and work from there. The resulting number should be big enough to help smother self-doubt. I have trouble picturing you as Julie Andrews (Ladies and gentlemen. The understatement of the century was made recently in correspondence between...). Were your mother to spend any time on the project, I suspect it would probably daunt her imagination as well. For that matter, German nobility is probably in short supply these days, and no easier to encounter in Vennont than in Maryland. Give my wholehearted congratula- tions to A. for having the fortitude to SURVIVE 7th and 8th graders, let alone teach them. And happy condo-warming. I’m jealous. I would love to have a nest somewhere, but I don’t know when, let alone where. I must get back to whatever it was I wasn’t wanting to do. Let me know when your vacation plans firm up. Huge hugs to you both. Think good thoughts. Love and incoherence, V. EV B0055 ....- L --‘Pei.’-;iBODtC.?ACSl:e‘gO5"i‘€R5~ Bu'rTt:>Ns~ QARD5-Bum ONES 9“ (>94 7‘! Elitot.5r.. ’brattAeboro,\)c. (5OZ)25‘f‘5K00 Pew 51-rc»»