— 

Out in the Mountains

   
   

Notes from a Dyke Diary ,

by Alyx

Sept 27 S. comes to me and says, “Can
you get more of those buttons? I’d like ev-
eryone in the store to wear one on Coming
Out Day.” I couldn’t believe my ears! As
far as I know, I’m the only queer among
about ten employees (there’s that 10% of
the population). A bigger statement will be
made if everyone wears a button. Talk
about really confusing the customers!

I spend some time searching for some-
one to turn out a small button order, and I
finally find a guy who’d be glad to do it on
short notice. In fact, I decide to get extras
made so I can distribute them among the
community.

Oct. 5 October 11 is fast approaching,
and I wait in anticipation. While my co-
workers look forward to the day, I am a bit
apprehensive. After all, they have nothing
but their support for me to defend. They
cannot wait to see the reaction of some of
our regular clientele, some of whom are
very homophobic. I just hope that I don’t
attract too much religious wrath.

Oct 10 Tomorrow is the big day, and
I’ll most likely be freaked out until we open
the store. After the first customers come
through, I’l1 hopefully shift into high gear

and enjoy myself, feeling strong because I
am making a statement (and because the
entire store is making a statement!).

Oct 1 1

5 a.m. Okay... It is still dark out, and
I’m stiff as a board, internalized homopho-
bia raging inside of me. Let’s do some deep
breathing and try and relax. I need to be
rested for today...

8 a.m. I get to work and have one hour
to prepare myself mentally before the store
opens. I’m wired, jabbering away at J. in-
cessantly. ’

9 a.m. Now we are open, and I am
trying to hide. When will this fear no longer
have control over me? Perhaps with prac-
tice? I spend extra time in the storeroom, or
in counting the deposit. Any excuse to stay
away from the counter where I will have to
interact with people.

9:30 a.m. I decide to face myself, get it
over with, grit my teeth, and confront the
oppressors (if there are indeed any in the
store). The very first customer I wait on is
a religious type, a local Jehovah Witness.
She reads my button while I break into a
cold sweat. She says that she doesn’t un-
derstand what it says. I think to myself,
“Come on, lady, isn’t it obvious what it

\%;

II

fl
I saw Daddy Kissing Savxifa QW5  ‘W
4

means? What’s the alternative to beingj‘
heterosexual?” Instead, I try and dam.
around the label of homosexuality by gig
plaining that one shouldn’t always assume‘
that things are as they appear on the surface,‘
that one cannot judge a book by its Cover,‘
etc. She leaves perplexed, and I could kick.
myself for faltering. Why couldn’tIjuslsay!
that I am a Lesbian, with a capital”L”,and,
thatl am insulted when the assumption tint‘,
I am straight is made. Oh well... Atleastshel
will probably ponder the meaning of my

button all day. .

12 p.m. All the employees are wearinjt
the button now, and everything is fairly
smooth and quiet. The responses are variet!
from looks of confusion, to smiles and’
knowing nods. S., the boss, is surprisedalj
some of the homophobic responses shehas>
gotten by wearing the button. I tell her thal-
is exactly what Lesbians and Gay menhavel
to deal with all day long.

5 p.m. The rest of the day went easilyl,
for me. I became busy and soon forgotthtl
I was wearing the button unless someone
mentioned it. In fact, it seems thatas soon]
as it wasn’t such a big deal for me, most‘
people didn’t even notice anything differ A...
ent. I was the same old employee, doingmyf
job well. To most of the customers, what!
am doesn’t seem to be an issue. I am‘_
amazed at the number of people who actu-
ally knew that it was Coming Out Day, 01
that they remembered the March on Wash-|
ington last year. I guess that we are becom-
ing a more visible minority! The dayis _
over, and I can go home and relax. Perhaps‘
next year I will wear a button that says "As
dyke and Damn proud of it!”

._....a

I

The l
Estar I
Center

Formerly The Forsberg Ctr 

' '2"
V, ,=.-*~‘:='~'1

J‘

 

Walter I. Zeichner ,
M.A.C.P., N.C.C. l
Psychotherapy 8 Bodywork I
Gay Positive Counseling

l

*7?‘
J /.1}

31

   

323 Pearl Street 1‘,
Burlington, VT 05401

863-5510

 

.21