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Dear Gert and Alice,

I am 25 and have been out to myself
and my friends since going to college. My
parents live on the west coast and I haven’t
broken the news to them. They’re pretty
conservative and I don’t see them too often.
The situation is that my younger sister is
starting college at UVM this fall. Since
she’s 7 years younger, I don’t know her very
well, and I don’t know if I should come out
to her. If I do, do I have to tell my
parents too, or can I ask her to keep this a
secret for her brother?

Closeted in Colchester

Dear Closeted,

Hey! One step at a time. It would
certainly be pretty impractical to try to avoid
her. Burlington may be the biggest city in
Vermont but not big enough to hide in. So
get to know her. Maybe she’s sitting in her
room right now asking herself "should I
come out to him? he always seemed
open-minded..." If you can develop some
friendship and trust, then coming-out should

come naturally. If she seems homophobic,
then you've got to do some thinking. Are
you going to feel more comfortable in the
long run telling her or not. Are you ready
to take that step with your parents? -Yes,
you can ask her to keep a secret but do
you want to?

Dear Gert and Alice,

I work in a small company, and my
co-workers and I often go out for drinks
together, or socialize after work. It is
assumed that on these occasions, spouses
and significant others are welcome and often
attend. (They have all been of the opposite
sex though.) I have been working there
four months and have never stood up and
said "I am a lesbian" - but have made
enough comments that I assume they know.
Over the last few weeks, I have started a

To send your queer queries to Gertrude
and Alice, write c/0 Out in the Mountains,
P.O. Box 177, Burlington, VT 05402.
Please write? Anonymous questions fine.

from page 10

promote the strength, beauty, power, and
potential of women. Is this so horrible? I
see them as very positive beliefs. It’s
certainly not my whole focus in life, but
only a facet of my personality. Where did
you get the idea that I'm a "slave" to this
ideology??

When you say "this sexist women’s lib
stuff", I wonder if you have applied what
other people have written and said, to me.
Or have you made assumptions in your own

mind that don’t even apply to me. It’s as if
I said to you "what’s with this God stuff?"
It creates a fog rather than a clarification;
doesn’t get down to critical issues. What do
you think about the ERA? About a
woman’s right to choose abortion? About
day care needs. of working mothers? About
rape prosecution? About credit laws for
divorced/widowed women? About supporting
girl athletics?...These are some things that
concern me. I Q; believe that women have
been exceptionally and deliberately degraded
down through the ages, that’s why there is
so much inequality now, and the resistance
to changes. C

I know I'm not free from being sexist -
I’m working on it. It's a rare person in this
society who is not sexist - it's almost a part
of our culture.

As to "what’s going on back there?"
The usual. I work. help keep house, dream
of the future, enjoy my hobbies and a wide
variety of entertainment. Have a lot of
good times, have some bad times about my
job. I'm having a basically ordinary life -
thankful for having so much. _and offering

few complaints. This i_s_ the real me. I’m
proud of the way I've taken care of myself,
of developing a beautiful relationship with
Mary, of all that I’ve learned and
accomplished so far. You are still my
father, and I want you to accept me as I
am. I hope you can. I hope you will.

The only change I may need is a
change of jobs - of career maybe, or place.
Don’t need or want any change in my
lifestyle. It’s just great for me as it is -
anything else would be intolerable. I have
all that I dreamed of years ago, and even
more.

I hope you won't become too frustrated
about my not leaping in a religious
experience. Just don’t feel the need or
desire for it. I do appreciate your sending
the reading material, but I haven't read any
since Pat Boone’s book. There are so many
things that I really want to read, that I just
don’t take the time and effort to read things
that don’t appeal to me. Since I feel guilty
having them, knowing that you might pass
them on to someone else, I’ll be sending
them back with slides and etc.

If you'd be interested in reading
anything about some of the ideas I've
mentioned, I'd be glad to send books, too.
Just as you probably want me to come
around to‘ your point of view, I’d like you
to come around to mine.

Well, enough for now (maybe more
than enough). I hope this letter hasn’t hit

you too hard. It definitely seems time to -

be open and honest.
Love, Carol

October 1987, Page 11
fairly serious relationship and would like to
bring her to these work events but am a
little nervous. I don’t quite know how to
introduce her without making a fuss, but
making it clear that she’s not just "a good
friend." Any advice?

Waiting in Waterbury
Dear Waiting,

Well, that’s a toughie! Why not stick
to your style of "making enough
comments." When they _say let's go out for
drinks tonight, say "great, I think I'll give
my sweetie a call. Then you can meet her."
When they ask how your weekend was, tell
them about your hot date or romantic
dinner. Don’t worry. They’ll pick up on it.
Just introduce here by her name. If they’ve
been hearing that name all the time, we
assure you, they'll know who she is.

Calendar

QCTOBER 1, Friday

No VLGR meeting this month

OCTOBER 3 Sat

 

Yom Kippur

Integrity. Service at 7:55. Social at
8:45pm. St. Paul’s Cathedral, Burlington, VT.

OCTOBER 4 unda

P-FLAG Organizational meeting in
Rutland. For directions call 773-7601.

OCTOBER 5, Monday

March on Washington Van Reservation
Deadlinell Call Terje, 863-2437 to reserve
your seat.

OCTOBER 10, Saturday

6:45am Vans leave from the Peace and
Justice Center, 186 College St., Burlington
for Washington.

OCTOBER 9-1;, Fri-Tuesday

Lesbian/Gay MARCH ON

WASHINGTON (see related articles on the
events).

OCTOBER 14, Wednesday

Burlington Peace
meetirfg. 7:00pm.
Burlington, VT.

Coalition Board
186 College Street,

OCTOBER 15, Thursday

OITM articles deadline.
continued, page 12