Page 8 ' Out in the Mountains  

Coping with an Alchoholic

By Dave

In the December issue of OITM, I
wrote about the double bind of being
gay/lesbian AND being raised in an alcoholic
home. This month I would like to offer
some suggestions on how to cope with an
alcoholic in your life.

While there are many definitions of an

alcoholic, I prefer this one: an alcoholic is
one whose drinking interferes with his/her
health, job, relations with family, or
community relationships and he/she continues
to drink.

Living with an alcoholic, whether the
person be a parent, a friend, life partner or
current lover, can be destructive. Dr. Gary
Forrest has written an excellent book titled
How to Live with a Problem Drinker and
Survive. This book will be very beneficial to
anyone who is associated directly or
indirectly with an alcoholic. The following
suggestions. with some modifications, are
from Dr. Forrest’s book.

Understand that it is almost impossible
to change the drinking behavior or life style
of those problem drinkers you are closest to.
Alcoholism is a disease and you cannot
make that person not be an alcoholic. You
can however change yourself and as
frightening as that may be, your changes
may help the alcoholic more than you
realize.

(I) Do not take responsibility for the
actions of the problem drinker. DON'T
ENABLE. As long as you cover up for,
make excuses for, and enable the problem
drinker to act irresponsibly you are taking
responsibility for him/her.

(2) Do not take physical or verbal
abuse from the alcoholic. No one - no one
- has the right to abuse you. If physical or
verbal abuse occurs, leave the room, the
situation, the home. Go to a movie, take a
walk, visit a friend, but do not tolerate
physical or verbal abuse.

(3) Begin a life outside your relationship
with your problem drinkers. Do things for
yourself and if necessary, by yourself. If the
alcoholic doesn't want to do something with
you, do it by yourself. Because‘ another
person's drinking behavior can create

isolation for you, structure your own life
differently.

(4) Find and nurture new relationships.
It is difficult but healthy to meet new
people. Change doesn’t occur in a vacuum.
There are very good people in our small
community - take some risks ‘and get to
know them. Al-Anon and ACOA meetings
can also be a source of new relationships.

(5) Take care of yourself physically with

realistic long-range plans and not short term,
unrealistic goals.

(6) Change yourself on a daily basis.
Work at each of the first five steps each
day - one day at a time. If your alcoholic
seeks help through AA, he/she will learn to
stay sober one day at a time. You need to
learn how to take care of yourself and how
to cope with a problem drinker - one day at
a time. Good luck.

Women’s Week Celebration Planned

On March 8. 1357, women garment and
textile workers on New York's Lower East
Side marched in protest of their working
conditions In 1908 on the same day, women

publicity, postage, telephone, etc.

WE HOPE THAT YOU CAN MAKE
A CONTRIBUTION TO HELP US GET

were marching again P1'0t¢Sti1‘|8 31“ 5V’¢3' THINGS ROLLING.

shops, child labor and intolerable working
conditions which had not improved for
women in the garment/textile trade. Today,
March 8 is celebrated around the world as
INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY, a day
of celebrating womanhood and 8 time 30
concentrate on issues that affect women’s
lives

The second annual INTERNATIONAL
WOMEN'S WEEK CELEBRATION lS
happening in Burlington March 1-8, 1987.
Like last year the week will include many
varied events and activities: films. worksh°PS.
a concert with CASSELBURY-DUPREE.
and an International Women's Day parade.

The purposes and goals of this week are
to:

1. Educate ourselves about our issues
and the issues of our sisters.

Z. Enhance networking.

3. Encourage women
globally/GLOBAL ACTIVISM.

4. Establish a sense of international
unity among women.

(0

Several grants have been written, the
results of which won’t be known until the
end of February. Seed money is needed to
cover expenses of the initial planning stages:

  

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Hinesburg, VT 05461

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Thanks for your support.

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