Letters Home

Dear Michael &. Marie,
The time has finally come that I

fill you in on certain aspects of my
life. This is a difficult letter for me
to write so try to bear with me. When
you have asked me what I do here in
Burlington, I haven't been honest with
you. Not because I wanted to lie, but
because if I was honest then I would
be telling you what I am going to try
to tell you now.

About a year ago, I finally came
to terms with some very powerful,
confusing feelings that I have had
since sixth grade. These feelings were
something I could not discuss with
anyone since I didn't understand them.
Anyway, I tried to cover up my
confusion, but last spring I finally had
to do something about how I felt.

What I am so delicately trying to
say is that I am gay. The reason I
couldn't tell you about what I do in
Burlington is that my life outside of
work is based on my being a
homosexual not a heterosexual. I'm
sure you are probably thinking all
kinds of stereotypes which aren't true.
The important thing to remember is
that I'm the same person I was
yesterday, last week, last year. I've
simply informed you of an aspect of
my life that you didn't know about. An
aspect which is my life.

You probably also think I am sick
and can be cured. Well, that's another
myth. It's estimated that 10% of any
population is homosexual. Whether or
not the individuals are out of the
closet is another question. It's also
been determined that homosexuality is
not a mental or physical disorder - not
a sickness. I can't answer why
someone is gay or why I'm gay. I just
know I am and I'm happy with myself
as a gay individual.

Just try to imagine what it would
be like if you couldn't share your lives
together with Mom & Dad or the rest
of the family. If you couldn't tell
anyone about the-school board or yacht
club or even your marriage. That's
what it's like for me when I'm home
and I can't talk about Integrity, VLGR
(Vermonters for Lesbian & Gay Rights)
or VGV (VT Gay Volleyball). All of
which I'm involved with.

Anyway, I hope to hear from you
soon. I have a'couple of books if you
are interested in reading them.

Love. Roger
Dear Roger,

Needless to say, we got your letter
today. Realizing that it must have
been a very difficult letter to write, I
wanted to get back to you. I won't
deny that your letter was a surprise as
is any news that does not fall within
the expected. Surprise does not mean
rejection. I know both of us are still
discussing the news and it's probably
easier for me who has known you for
far less time than any of your family.
Given time people will accept. I know
right now I don't think Michael really
knows what to think or say. I know
he agrees with me that we hope you
will not avoid us. What his feelings
are regarding your "coming out of the
closet" as a homosexual individual I
cannot say. For me, however, I want
you to know you still have my love &
support regardless of what you do. I'm

‘glad you have found others who can be

of support. I'm sure it is not easy
doing what you're doing with the
current attitudes of society. What you
said in your letter about being the
same person you were yesterday is true.
You have always been you and just as
you are always learning about yourself

October 1986 - page 7

so are other in what you reveal. As
for anyone who is ‘different’ than
what society expects, it is harder.
Given the current attitudes about
homosexuality, I have a feeling it will
always be difficult. From what I've
seen of you though, I think you have a
lot of inner strength that I hope will
continue to be the basis of your pride
for yourself.

Roger, I sincerely hope that you
will feel comfortable to still come home
and be with us. As for me, I hope
someday you'll feel comfortable enough
to tell us what you are doing, what
your life is like. Yes, I'm sure it's
different than what I have known. I
still want Megan to know you as her
uncle and to someday understand.

Thanks for writing. I really hope
to see you soon.

Love Marie.

Info needed on dual
career lesbian couple!

I am seeking women willing to
participate in a study on dual-career
lesbian couples. My investigation will
explore the attitudes, expectations and
satisfactions of lesbians toward both
their career and their primary
relationship. The study involves each
member of the couple filling out an
identical questionnaire. Couples that
have been together in a primary
relationship for at least two years, with
each member engaged in full-time
employment during most of the
duration of the relationship will be
included. Enrollment as a student is
considered equivalent to employment for
the purposes of the study. If you wish
to participate, please contact: Natalie S.
Eldridge, Ed.M., or Lucia A. Gilbert,
Ph.D., Counseling Psychology Program,
EDB 504, University of Texas at
Austin, Austin, Texas, 78712.

October Calendar,

October 2

VLGR Monthly Meeting (Please note
that VLGR is now having g_n_e meeting
per month only). 7:30 p.m., Peace and
Justice Center, 186 College Street,
Burlington.

October 3

Out in the Mountains monthly meeting,
6:00 p.m., Peace and Justice Center, I86
College Street, Burlington.

October 4

Integrity, 8:00 p.m. service, 8245 p.m.

Drogram, St Paul's Cathedral,
Burlington.
October 3 - 5

Discovering Women Leaders Conference:
University of Vermont, Registration:
Cooperative Christian Ministry.at UVM,

Roddy O'Neil Cleary, Christ Church,

Redstone Campus, UVM, Burlington, VT .

05401. 656-3882. 8:30 a.m. - noon,
M-F.
October I8

Integrity, 8:00 p.m. service, 8:45 p.m.
program, St. Paul's Cathedral,
Burlington.
October 18

LAST DAY TO REGISTER TO VOTE
All town clerks are required to be in
their offices from 9:00 a.m. to 12 noon.

October 19
Vermont CARES General Meeting, 3:00
p.m. Bethany»Church, Main Street,
Montpelier.
October 28

Out in the Mountains monthly meeting,

6:00 pm., Peace & Justice Center, I86‘

College Street, Burlington.
November I

Integrity, 8:00 p.m. service, 8:45 p.m.
program, St. Paul's Cathedral,
Burlington.

November 2

Statewide Lesbian‘s/Gay Men's Coalition
Meeting, 10:00 a.m. Royalton House,
South Royalton.

November 4

ELECTION DAY. GET OUT AND
eVOTE. REMEMBER THE ERA
REFERENDUM.

November 6

VLGR Monthly Meeting, 7:30 p.m. Peace
&. Justice Center, 186 College Street,
Burlington.