,_/—__4.-'—.-.

 

NOVEMIBVEIRVZOOS | uutlinltlllelmuuntuins 23

working out: no more Excuses

BY RONALD BLAKE

’m going to give you five min-
utes to come up with all the
objections you have for work-

 

ing out. Who am I fooling? You
already currently have numerous
objections, your honor. You would
have just wasted those precious
300 seconds lusting over your new

Abercrombie catalog. I have the
top four excuses that I hear on a
quotidian basis: 1) no money 2) no
time 3) not motivated 4) don't like
it I shall explore the skinny on all
these fascinating obstacles to your
health and fitness. Followme and
watch where you step. b

’'I just don't have the money to
work out." 4
You're right"! You needed it for
your manicure and martini lunch,

~ the ten weekly Starbucks lat-
, tés, the Betty Boop windshield

sunshade, the Casino Arizona
slot machines, the commemora-
tive Govemor Janet Napolitano

av

  
 

copper coin, the ABBA Greatest
Hits CD, and of course the Fancy
Feast for little Purrfect.

Even with all these essentials
recorded and on the ledger, you
can still afford fitness. For less
than $100, you can go to Target
and ‘acquire the necessities for
your home workout. You can pur-
chase a stability ball, resistance

\ bands, and
several pairs of
 various weight-
ed dumbbells.
These items are
space-friendly
and they pro-
vide an equiva-
lent workout to
any fitness club.

''I just don't
have time to
work out."

At a minimum,
you only need
two to three
hours per week
for your fitness
needs. That
equates to about
one percent of
your weekly
hours. One idea
is to get up with
the paperboy
and get your
workout in be—
fore all the day's
obligations
tsunami upon
you. A Buenos
Dias workout '
will also give
you more energy for your hectic
day. That might mean giving up
the 11 pm Nick at Nite episode
of the Brady Bumrh the evening
before. It’s all about priorities.

Here’s another free suggestion:

keep an exercise ball, resistance
bands, and a few sets of dumb-
bells in your Work office. Exer-

' cise right after work in your office

for 30 minutes. By the time you’re
done, rush hour should have
eased a bit and you’ll have saved
time and sanity from not being
stuck in traflic. Use creativity and
brainstorming and I’m willing to

- bet that you will find some time

for a fitness routine.

''I'm just not motivated to
workout."

Honey, if you were in a burning
building, you’d find the motiva-
tion to get out. I can hear some
of you now. “Yeah, but that’s dif-
ferent because a burning building
is an emergency and you will do
Whatevenit takes to get out.” Oh,
really! So you're saying that you’ll
wait until your health becomes
an emergency before taldng any
reactive measures. Discuss this
amongst yourselves before mov-
ing on.\ '

Here are some great motiva-
tional techniques for your fitness

program.

0 Find a workout partner.
There’s nothing like a true
buddy carrying you through
those doldrums in life.

- Listen to your favorite en-
ergizing and inspiring CD’s
before, during, and after your
workouts._ Do I hear the Rocky
soundtrack building momen-
tum? _

.0 Place motivational sayings or
quotations on slips of paper
and strategically position these
in conspicuous locations at
your work, in your car, and in
your home.

0 Write your goals down on
paper and place these, too, in
conspicuous places. The likeli-
hood of achieving your goal
increases by 80 percent when
it is written down.

"| just don't like to workout;

It’s too hard. It’s no fim. It hurts.
Here are a few more negative, nihil-
istic, nay-saying nouns for you ne'er-
do-wells: dislike, antipathy, disin-
clination, odium, disapprobation,
displeasure, repulsion, repugnance,
and hate. Hate!! Now that's a pow-
erful mean word to bandy around.
However, most people have these
feelings about fitness. Most people
also had those feelings about
school whilst they were mere mop-
pets. Thank god for recess, “hot for
teacher”, and Friday night football
games. Most people today have
those hateful feelings for their job.
Thank god forjean days, potlucks,
and the hot blond in cubicle 9A.

. You need to find that silver lining

 

go out and chop away at all your
obstacles!
Bon chance, mon ami!V

in your fitness cloud. Is your glass
half—empty or half-full?_The answer
lies within you, my young Jedi!
Excuses are like (fill ,
in your favorite body part). Ev-
erybody has one. I hope I've given
you some power to move be— ‘
yond those ubiquitous evildoers.
“Christina, bring me the axe!” Now

Ron Blake originally wrote
this piece for Heatstroke, a
bimonthly newspaper serving
the GLBT community in

' Phoenix, Arizona.

 

Same Prefer take  

REVIEW BY YMIKHAEL YOWE

can’t find anything good to say about the movie Some Prefer Cake
I evencalled a lesbian friend over and we watched it together. She
said it was bad, but she’d maybe watch it again sometime. My wife
said it was “just ok.” I can’t figure out what either one of them means i
by that.

The plot of two women fight-
ing over what women prefer, sex
or chocolate cake, got old very
quickly. The movie could have '
been cut in half and been much
better.

I guess my problem with the
movie is that I couldn’t connect
with the characters-on. enough
levels to like them or even hate
them. Kira, (Kathleen Fontaine)
is a comedian who isn’t funny.
Sydney, (Tara Howley) Kira’s
straight best friend, is sexually
repressed to the point of annoy-
ance. Machiko Saito plays a very
convincing role as a dreaded
lesbian stalker. I found it dis-
turbing - so much for my idea of_
lesbian comedy. '

. I tried very hard to find something good in this movie. I did find two
scenes unpredictable enough to make ‘me laugh. The rest of the movie
was beyond vanilla. -

The acting and camera shots, though stilted at flrst, got better as
the movie progressed. The script was plausible as I could see myself in

Kltttvkls tun.7rpIxm!IA r:us'.zu’rx

‘ some of the situations, like when Kira meets up with Robin (Desi Del

Valle), and doesn’t have a clue about getting into a relationship, much
less keeping it from falling apart. There was way too much whining for
me, and not enough “testosterone.” (I use the “T” word because I 'don’t
think I can get away with any other)’. Yes, it was a lesbian comedy, but
lesbians do have “testosterone” and they know how to use it. ‘

I guess you could rent the DVD just because you’re bored or some-
thing, but don’t run out and buy it without watching it first.V

Mikhael Yowe is a married trans-queer leatherman who lives in
Williamstown, Vermont. '