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If you're between the ages of 15-25 and have something to say,
this page is for YOUR stories, commentary, toons, art and pix.

Contact editor@mountainpridemedia.org.

 

Being in the In-Between

BY MARYANNE BOLALEK

don't remember how the

topic came about, but while

in conversation with a friend,
I mentioned that I'm the only

I kid who is out at my school. My

friend's partner says, almost in-
credulously, “You're a lesbian?”

. . .So what do I tell them? To
say yes would not be quite true.
To say, “No, I'm bisexual,” would
also be kind of a lie. At the time,
to save myself an explanation, I
stammered out, “Uh. . .yea.h’." But
the truth is that I'm not really a
lesbian. I'm not really bi either.
I find myself in this really weird
in-between sort of place. Sexuality
limbo, if you will.

I mean, yes, I did come out as
a bisexual girl, with absolutely no
bias towards one gender or the '
other. If you believe that sliding a
little on the sexual identity scale is
possible — well, I suppose that's
what I've done. If not, then I guess
you might call it realization. But
I'm finding, recently, that I just"
don’t know what to call myself
anymore.

The dictionary defines “lesbian”
as “of or relating to homosexuality
between females.” Yeah. I kind of

fit into that definition. Certainly, I
find girls attractive, and can pic-
ture myself spending my life living
with/married to a girl much more
easily than I could see myself with
3 guy-

On the other hand, “bisexual”
is defined as “sexually oriented
toward both sexes.” Once again:
yes, I fit, and no, I don't. It's true, I
admit it. Guys can be pretty attrac-
tive too, but not in the same way.
Ijust don't see myself ever being
with one. Urn. .. ever.

Of course, I'm only a teenager,
and this could change. For good-
ness’ sake, I've already shifted
around a bit to find my comfort-
able place since my coming out,
which- even though it seems AGES
since- was only just over a year
ago. But it's kind of a pain, not to
fit in a box. I feel as though I'm not
telling the truth unless I give this
lengthy explanation. The lengthy
explanation is more trouble than
it's worth, too. Last time I tried to
explain it to someone, they said,
“Well, if you're not a lesbian, aren’t
you still bi, then?” ...Well, no,

I'm not, since Ijust said I wasn't.
Sheesh. _

There are also those who

might say I have absolutely no

 

Meet Llu
and Kate,
Co-Directors

of Outright

utright is getting bus-

ier these days. In ad-

dition to the regular
Friday night and Saturday night
groups, tl1ere’s another group
meeting on Thursday nights to
get ready for Youth Pride 2006.

‘V
I
S.’
9
3.
WI
1‘-
z
E
0
2
m
W

   

When you call Outright at 1-800-
GLB-CHAT (1 -800-452-2428), that's
either Kate or Llu who picks up the
phone. Llu is the masked person
and Kate has the hair.

That’s the biggest event of the

year organized by the folks at Outright, and will- happen this year on

Saturday, May 6th.

Outright is still looking for a new parttime development director,
someone who will write grants and be in charge of the newsletter.
Meanwhile, Kate carries on her outreach Work in schools while Llu
takes care of much of the fundraising to keep the center going.

Outright is there for young people age 22 and under and always wel-
comes new participants and volunteers.

So, give them a call.’ You'll be glad you did. V

idea what I'm talking about. Both
“homosexual” and “bisexual” have
the word “sexual” in them, which
pertains to sex, which I've happily
abstained from. Thus, I might not
know anything of my own sexual-
ity (gasp, there it is again) at all,
as of yet. ...Then again, I certainly
hope that you don’t need to have
sex to know your own orientation.
That would be risky, for one thing,
and for another, I'm starting to
tread on treacherous ground, so
I'll move onward in this rambling
little essay of mine.
.So what am I, exactly? Am

I a lesbian, or am I bisexual?
Could I really be a silly teen-
ager who knows nothing yet, or
am I simply traveling from one
point to the next? Or am I really
somewhere in an undefined in-
between? What do I tell people,
when they ask? I can't give a sim-
ple answer without either A: Not
really telling the truth, by saying
“Lesbian!” or “Bi!” or B: Sound-
ing kind of dumb by saying, “Oh
yeah,‘ somewhere in between
lesbian and bisexual.” Altema-
tives are C: Worming my way out
of the question by saying, “How
should I know?” and D:- Giving a
long-winded explanation of how
I came out as bi, and have slowly
been edging closer and closer

to the lesbian end of things, like
some ominous bit of driftwood.
Or a hungry dog. .. .Actual1y, not
the hungry dog. Driftwood is
safer. And doesn’t drool. Usually.

So Isuppose that besides being
a think—out-loud session for me,
this article means to ask, are there
more of you out there who don’t fit
in a box? Or maybe you've been in
the same spot, and have eventually
Wiggled out of it?
As it is, I suppose I'm going

to have to make peace with this
weird little square of identity
ground I find myself standing on.
It's somewhere between bisexual-
ity and homosexuality, and maybe
some of the grass growing in it is
the confused-teenager variety. I'll
sit down here and figure it out. Or
leave it be and let it figure itself
out. Or maybe just sit here. And
finish this bit of writing. Now. V

Maryanne Bolalek is a
sophomore at Black River
High School in Ludlow,
Vermont.

 

Vnuth

PULLING FIRE TRUCKS

Outright Vermont wants ycu to
form a team for our first ever and
Burlingtoris 3rd Annual Fire Trui:,l:
Pull! Teams of ‘l2 are rieecled to
raise money to support Oiitiiriht
Vermont's work and to co

in a contest to see who c

Fire Truck up Church St. tl . ast-

estl (really!) Put a team together
today and help make sure q
youth in Vermont are sup

ed through Outrights work in

schools and our peer social and
support groups. Be sure to catch
the fun on Saturday, April 29th at

n on th": Church St. l\/larl«e1-

Deta and team sign up
. -imaiiori are on our website
rui.rightvt.org

 
‘Vi P‘<'l’:)E VT: fl/l/ft." A

7th /-xririual

, Uebration in

, . d of Ver-
th and their sup-

. Pride feature: a
iily, worrshops, filrn
,  our fabulous queer

. prom Plarinirig takes
throughout April and
everyone is invited » especially
GSAs (high school 8: college)
from around the state. ii/|arl< it
on your calendar and checlr out
our website for further details:
www.outrightvt.org.

GLBT NATIONAL
YOUTH TALKLINE
1-800-246-PRIDE
(i~800—246-7743)

This San Francisco-based hotlirie
serves GLBT youth riatioriwide
by providing telephone and
email peer counseling, plus of-
fering information and resources
about cities and towns across the
country. Telephone volunteers
are in their teens and early 20's
and speak to teens and young
adults up to age 25 about LGBT~
related problems and much more.
The hotline provides information
about support groups and LGBT-
friendly religious, sports, and stu-
dent groups.

 

YOUR EVENTS LISTED HERE: is your Gay-Straight

Alliance or other group holding an event? Send a schedule to
editor@mountainpridemedia.org by April 14 for the May issue
of OITM. We'll be seeing you in the next Youth Zone!

new:

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